A walk

Maybe it might be good to write some of the hurdles we are going through with trying to figure out God's will on how to build our family through this. Something to look back on and maybe one day be able to help sometone else in this situation.

This week we took a big step having a test that I was very anxious about. The HSG was pretty painful, and I'm still a bit sore and tired. It's been 14 months. After talking to several other women in a similiar situation, just realizing this is all part of the journey. The attacks from satan that somehow the ideal life with my husband that was prefect before isn't enough, that I'd be a bad mother and on and on... My natural instinct is to be private, not to bother people or make them feel burdened or uncomfortable, definitely worrying too much what they might think of my character. ( I was reminded of Max Lucado's "You Are Special" this week, much needed reminder that only what God thinks about me matters). Good news from the test is no scaring or blockage. It also made me realize if I'm willing to go through that I have it in me with God to go how ever long it takes to find God's will in all of this. People try to help, giving suggestions, their take on God's will... some helpful, honestly most isn't. On a good day, I smile and nod and say thank you, on a bad day I get through the conversation and then go cry. I realize in all this that I've been just as guilty about that with other's struggles, trying to put a small bandaid on a bleeding and broken heart. Most of the time I just want acknowledgement that it's hard. Well that's alot to share/ scare for a first entry about this, so we'll see when I'm up for this next...