Quotes

I am curtailing my computer time while I pump 7 times a day in lieu of a great read. In just the first chapter it is and is not what I thought the book was going to be about. I went in to it knowing I have areas and it's comforting that Beth talks about her survey of over 900 women and that 78% admitted to having feelings at or above a level that bothers them, 43% described their issues with this as anywhere from 'pretty big' to 'huge' Here are some things that hit home for me and this is all JUST from Chapter One of Beth Moore's new book :

"The best cover for this is perfectionism"

"Do I have a strong desire to make amends whenever I think I've done something wrong?"

"I battle an inordinate desire to make peace that always be others-or God-centered. I dread the backlash of people far more than the backlash of God at times. He's infinitely more merciful."

"Loss of favor and approval and harmony is excruciating to people with this."

"Does it hurt my feeling when I lean someone doesn't like me? Breaks my heart"

"How often do you have to ask yourself if what you're feeling is even real?"

"Do you ask yourself if you are you discerning or just suspicious? If you were supposed to do "this"or not?"

"Intensity is the key factor."

"One way to detect is by our knee-jerk reaction to any level of change in a relationship, particularly if we perceive that the focus has shifted away from us. The more easily threatened we are, the more of this we are."

"There have been times when I've put so much stock in certain relationship that a crash was unavoidable. If we let too much ride on a relationship, a blow out is inevitable. The very nature of pressure is to blow. The ramification of this reaches all the way from a pattern of disappointment to unabated abuse. "

"In your pursuit of God-vested security, the only relationship in your life that will suffer rather than improve are the significantly unhealthy ones. "


Definition:
"Refers to a profound sense of self doubt- a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world. It's associated with chronic (condition that has last 3 or more months) self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. The person lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate.....

This person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. These expectations, for themselves and others, are often unconscious. This person creates a situation in which being disappointed and hurt in relationships is almost inevitable. Ironically, although these people are easily and frequently hurt, they are usually unaware of how they are unwitting accomplices in creating their own misery."

Intrigued? Get your copy!

Good Lessons

I saw a couple of important lessons via blogland. I don't know any of these people personally but God spoke through their posts.

This one I will file in the back of my mommy brain for the conversation that will happen I'm sure in the future about God's name.

The second appealed to the side of my personality that cares, sometimes too much, about what other people think about me. The line that spoke the loudest to me I rephrased for my own particular situation lately . Do I react as strongly when someone walks away from the Lord as much as when they have walked away from my friendship?

Speaking of lessons, making my regularly scheduled spiritually encouraging activities such as Ladies Bible Study, Sunday class and church service are just much harder with a new baby. When I do make it, there's no guarantee a fussy baby, poopy diaper, pumping time or some other uncontrobally force will cause me to exit the room. I'm just not ready for nursery time away from mommy just yet. I notice my attitude is reflecting the lack of nourishment. I've decided to pick up the challenge of following Beth Moore's online study she is doing of her new book "So Long Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us". I 'get' her, this topic speaks to me, it's self paced and I don't have to leave my house. I've felt lately that I have something to prove. Satan has been more effective than I'd like lately with me taking things personally that in any way could reflect that I'm a bad mommy. It is no one else's job to prop up my confidence. I remind myself I can't please everyone and I can only control myself. That my audience is one unconditionally loving, accepting and forgiving God who knows my heart and intentions. I know in our journey waiting, I would question if God was finding me lacking in the potential mommy area and that's why he was saying no. So now, I feel as though I have to be super mommy to prove to God I was worthy of this precious gift. There are so many things wrong with those thoughts I can't begin to explain. That thinking will either encourage my own spiritual pride or tear me down. Neither is healthy or desirable. Please just mention my name if you happen to think of me during your prayer time. Thank you :-)

The History of Us

Here is us in rewind from present going back to 2003 when we met. Happy 5th wedding Anniversary to the man who stands by my side with unconditional love and commitment

Baking

I don't experiment with recipes often but have been inspired by some new ones recently. Pictures help seal the deal and if I actually smell it I'm a goner. Then the challenge is definitely on to make it gluten free. I'm really looking forward to trying this Chicken Piccata recipe. I envision it will look something like this:



I confess to enjoying baking more than cooking. I really like desserts with layered flavors and these two fit the bill:

Chocolate Chip Cheesecake Squares

Crust:
1 c. flour (for us Pamela's GF Mix)
1/2 c. cocoa powder
1/2 c. sugar
1 stick melted butter
water as needed

Topping:
3 eggs
1 c. Homemade Gourmet Cheesecake(r) Mix
3- 8 oz pkgs softened cream cheese
1- 12 oz pkg chocolate chips
sprinkle with semi sweet chocolate, powdered sugar and cinnamon mix (my concoction)

1. Preheat oven to 350. Mix crust ingredients and add water 1 tbl at a time until everything just sticks together into a crumbly dough. Press into bottom of a 13x9 pan.

2. Bake for 5 minutes

3. Using a hand mixer, beat eggs, mix and cream cheese on high until smooth. Stir in chips and spread over top of crust.

4. Bake for 45-50 minutes or until cheese cake is just set in the middle of the pan. Cool to room temperature before cutting. After cutting, you can freeze to help keep cheesecake from becoming soft.

They look delicious in my fridge right now :-))


This last recipe we received from our HOA. Billy handed this to me when it came in the mail and said "I bet you can gf this up" Sounds decadent enough to give it a try :-) The ingredients are on next week's grocery list now :-)

Caramel-filled Chocolate cookies with White Chocolate Drizzle

1 c. softened butter
1 c. plus 1 tbl sugar divided
1 c. packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 1/2 c. flour
3/4 c. cocoa
1 tsp baking soda ( I skip this as the soda is in my Pamela's gf flour mix)
1 1/4 c chopped pecans, divided
1 pkg (13 oz) Rolo candies
4 squares (1 oz each) melted white baking chocolate

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees

2.. In bowl, cream butter, 1 c. sugar and brown sugar. Add eggs, one at t time, beating well after each addition. Beat in vanilla. Combine flour, cocoa and baking soda; gradually add to the creamed mixture, beating until just combined. Stir in 1/2 c. pecans

3.. Shape tblfull of dough around each candy, forming a ball. In a small bowl, combine the remaining sugar and pecans, dip each cookie halfway. Place nut side up 2 inches apart on greased baking sheets.

4. Bake for 7-10 minutes or until tops are slightly cracked. Cool for 3 minutes before removing to wire racks to cool completely. Drizzle with melted white chocolate.


Yields 5 dozen, sounds easy enough to half the recipe if I can control myself :-)

Beautiful

My friend Sharon passed this forward so I'll keep the fun going. It's a



The point of this award is to share 7 seven things about yourself that people may or may not know and then pick 7 friends to also give this award too.

I'll try to share fun things I haven't before:

1. I had a birth mark that's faded out now, but it was brown as a child and my mom kept scrubbing it convinced I was dirty.

2. I like things in even numbers (candy, times I do something, etc.) The OCD portion of my psyche.

3. My right shoulder is slightly higher than my left.

4. I've worn glasses since I was 9 years old

5. I'm pretty laid back about cleaning. I like my home to be picked up. Dusting and vacuuming are some of my least favorite things to do. So it has to look clean, but not BE clean.

6. I don't watch intense, scary, action packed or dark movies. I'm a grown woman and they still give me nightmares.

7. I'm pretty accident prone. If it can be tripped on, stubbed on, fallen over or down, I've done it.


Now, I'll tag these 7 women :-)

Dawn
Crystal
Kristen
Jill
Katy
Christine
Jamie

A day in the life

This week after passing the 3 month mark, Matthew is acting and looking more like a baby rather than a newborn. I am rearranging his closet this week to pack away the 0-3 month clothes and make way for all the adorable 3-6 month clothes for him to wear. He started wearing 2's in diapers a couple of weeks ago. Matthew eats 6-8 ounce bottles at a time. He's awake longer and much to my confusion waking up every 3 to 4 hours at night which he hasn't done in about 2 months. That just means we spend a few more days a week in our jammies so mommy can get some rest during the day. He naps about 45 minutes at a time and his awake time is getting longer between stretches. We fill his awake time with talking, singing, reading, playing, web camming with the grandparents and having visitors over to the house. We also have our daily tummy time which he's showing improvement in as well as "Your Baby Can Read" time.


No matter the time he does wake, as soon as he sees our faces he lights up. When he looks this cute, it doesn't matter how much sleep I'm getting.

1/2 Price Living

I wanted to earmark this blog entry for my own future purposes. I also thought I'd share it for the benefit of other stay at home moms. Enjoy!

best.sound.EVER

All this week's goofiness paid off this morning. It's the best sound. I've played it several times :-) Enjoy - grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, etc...

3 months

Our little guy turns 3 months old today. We delight on all his growth . His progress learning physical control of his body is very exciting to watch. His favorite toy is his hands. He just watches them move. His movements get less jerky and more intentional. He watches our mouths as we speak. He makes delighted sounds back when he's happy. He has laughed once. He did it last week and we've been doing everything we can to illicit that precious sound again to no avail. He sleeps 9 to11 hours at night depending on whether we are having to supplement formula in with his milk. The longer nights are with the formula. His bedtime is 7:45 and he wakes at 5 am at the earliest. He is drinking 6 ounces at a time 5 times a day with a top off right before bed of 3 ounces totaling right around 1000 ml a day. He enjoys riding in the car and is great with having anyone hold him. This is not a well baby visit month so no stats, just our monthly pictures with Mr Monkey and the cupcake plate :-)

Hanging out today with Austin

Male bonding with daddyThrowing some eyes at mommy:

Wedding

My younger brother married a lovely girl this last weekend. We are so happy for Louis and Bonnie and their future together. It was a beautiful ceremony and I wish them all the happiness. It was also a great opportunity to take pictures of everyone all dressed up and happy.

Many loving arms to hold Mathew: Mike

Groom's Cake
Bride's Cake

my sister Leah, Louis-the happy groom holding Matthew and me
me, my grandmother, mom and sister Leah
The new Bartay's with Matthew.
me and Leah

Catching up with wonderful family and friends: Gloria
Audra
Dad & Sheribeari

My nephews Jamee, me, Nicki & Stevie
Our little family

Louis and my mom dancingI got to dance with my husband :-)