God's Chisel

Steak or Marshmallows?

This last weekend I attended with about 20 other women from my church a Women of Faith conference. Then a few days later I came across some very different thinking from my own. Between those two events and a great Sunday morning bible class on marriage my brain is full of many concepts I wanted to work out on paper, um... computer screen. People's differences and motivations fascinate me. New ideas make me challenge where I am and the reasons for my own beliefs, behaviors and my heart attitudes. It can spark within me change or confirmation of what I hold dear. I needed this last week and am so grateful for the opportunity to encourage my faith to further prepare me for what God has in store for our future.

Control is what we grasp on to when we are fearful, anxious, unsure or scared. My generation educates itself and then takes over. Blending the perfect recipe of caution, skepticism and distance. As a teenager/ young adult, maybe we were hurt by others or we made wrong choices. Now we keep ourselves tightly reigned in so far from risk or hurt because we never want to feel like a failure again. We take fewer chances, become more conservative staying inside our comfortable place where we feel safe that we've researched and fiercely guard. Maybe we built coping mechanisms to handle our particular family dynamics that are just no longer valid as protection. We people pleasing, rule following women do the Martha style of wonderful surface meaningless chit chat taking 13 steps to set a table and cook the perfect dinner. All tasks completed in that 1950's jello mold smile in place and everything under perfectly organized, all potential pitfalls addressed ahead of time. We put our hands primly in our laps with solemn faces discussing others poor choices and lack of real faith. We use words to feel sorry for those less fortunate and carry around the constant intention to do something about it... someday. Living under law to perfection becomes our goal, because after all 'if you were a real christian you'd be making less mistakes, you wouldn't hurt, worry or question.' We distance from those who do not conform to our definition of a Christian with the rationalization they are not safe people. We know grace is there, but we don't want to cause God to have to waste any on us, we don't want to need it.

This scenario feels like someone giving me a steak on a dirty trash can lid. Truth is vital as God is the way truth and life. Where is trusting God and not our own understanding? Where is the willingness to be aware of God asking us to change directions, make sacrifices, reach out for His good, not ours? But where is the fulfillment of the command to love one another as Christ loves us?


If we don't feel that, we are so burned by others unrealistic expectations we reject all law or worse even Christ. We've tried to play the game and because our humanness just shines through anyway, and no one seems to want to say they relate or they feel that way as well we feel isolated. Is it really just me that doesn't have it all together? If so, then I don't belong amongst all these perfect people. No longer will anyone else's "shoulds" stick. We reject any organized religion because we are tired of people looking down on us for our ongoing mistakes that we know Christ has already forgiven, so why can't they? Or if these people who are as human as I am can't forgive me why would a perfect God? With out knowing us as people we feel the born and raised, never strayed far Christians will never understand our struggles. The many bad habits we know we have, the areas we haven't let Christ in to yet. The journey and the struggle to form new habits that we haven't have the blessing of having been imprinted on us since infancy. We didn't come to Christ because we couldn't wait to follow all the rules. Law is supposed to fuel a fire for sharing the gospel of Jesus? We came to Christ for unconditional love, forgiveness and acceptance where we are. Where are God's hand and feet down here to encourage and love us while God works on us? It's not other's people's jobs to lecture, condemn and judge. Words like accountability and 'the bible says' become hurtful arrows to our hearts.

Too far with justifying that every behavior is all right, love is all we need and I feel as though I was served marshmallows on a silver platter. Pretty but not very good for me in the long run, no meat to grow and mature me.

How do I get steak on the silver platter from others? How do I serve that to others? I know I have been judged, looked down on and had assumptions made of my character. When I think of those instances where other people's lack of compassion was made known to me those words still have the power to hurt and anger me. I also know I have judged others with out love and seeing them as a work in progress and most importantly a child of Christ. I haven't prayed for these people, just felt superior, comforted, safe in that I wasn't doing what they were at that moment.

Truth in love.... so few words sounding so simple and so many of us can't do it. An understanding that obedience will never start until grace is felt. No one cares how much knowledge you have until they know how much you care. Loving is not a project, it's a calling, it's the reason we were even made. The desire to live in the truth of God's word is developed with care and over time.

Lord willing, I am to give birth to a human child who will make mistakes as Lisa Welchel spoke about at WOF. He is not now ever will be perfect. His choices and mistakes are a reflection of continuing maturity not a reflection of bad parenting, his character or mine. Our job is to provide a safe place where he can learn from his mistakes. I pray Billy and I brainstorm with him to help him work out God's will and direction for his life. A judgmental or critical spirit on our part will close doors making him feel unsafe to confess. As the love and logic class we took emphasizes, it's our job to give him the opportunities to experience new skills as well as make mistakes. I really identified with the idea that the more mistakes he makes at a younger age, the less the long term price will be. Mistakes are not the enemy, failure is not the enemy. Both of those are opportunities to learn and grow. I don't think that philosophy stops no matter how old we all get.

July Photos

I just realized most of our last month was child related in some way, whether it be preparing for ours or hanging out with others.

Billy painting the nursery with our friend Michael while....
Katy helped me spray paint some mix matched woods for Matthew's room. Bye bye Dora :-) The room is still in progress. We have some things to hang and a dresser to assemble. I am working on the bedding and my Uppercase Living for the room should come in any day :-)

Visiting Jarrod and Dawn and their new son Austin:
This one just makes me smile :-))

We had the opportunity to visit our old small group for a cook out. I miss seeing all these sweet families every week. We met together for over 4 years!!

Speaking of small group we had our current one over for dinner just to keep in touch over the summer. It's nice in a way to get a short break, but I miss them :-)

Did I mention how much water has helped my back? My friend Stacy hosted several of us a few times at the pool. So many great things about this...the cool water relieving my aching back, the super cute kids running around and the company of their supportive and informative mom's !!

I know I already blogged about Rachel spending some time with us, but this pic was too cute and I didn't include it before. She's finger painting at the table.
My niece Joan with our friend Rachel:

I spent some time with this cute little guy Michael

and his big sister Avery. VERY well mannered and soo kind to each other


Once I figure out how to download from this new video camera I will post video :-)

We try to end every day with a walk to get some exercise. Our street at dusk is so nice, our neighbors are friendly and warm

27 weeks

First week in August time, so my sweet family I have heard you. I am responding to your requests :-)) Here is how mommy and Matthew are looking these days:



Things to remember about the end of the 2nd trimester of pregnancy:

I have gained *gulp* 25 pounds and 19 inches in my waist. After some advice from the obgyn to slow the weight gain down, I have backed off the yummy chocolate and root bear floats. I still eat five times a day for my hypoglycemia, but I keep my snacks to gluten-free granola, apples and celery. Next week we have our monthly appointment and I'm due to take the glucose test. I'm really praying I do not have gestational diabetes. Another restriction added to my diet would be a bit overwhelming. Heat continues to not be our friend, it's draining and also brings on the cramping. I need to watch out for doing laundry and cooking over the stove in the same day. My hair and nails continue to grow faster than normal and my hair is thicker. His movements are strong enough to make me catch my breathe and can be seen from the outside now. I caught it on video yesterday. Billy's hands are usually so warm when he goes to put them on my stomach it quiets Matthew down, so he hasn't felt him move very much. Billy has bought a video camera and I think he's going to have as much fun with that as I do with the digital camera. In order to get a good night's rest and still be in the room with Billy, we've created a feat of engineering. It involves an air mattress, three pillows and the foot board of the bed. Billy has already gotten it on video. Billy's also been talking/ reading to the baby, which I have to say brings the love I feel for my husband and his heart to be a dad to overflowing. I tear up and want to freeze those moments. Last, I feel as thought I'm starting the pregnant waddle in all it's fun. No penguin jokes, please.

Entering in the 3rd trimester this week, part of me is realizing this will be over soon. I want to treasure the sensation of feeling him move inside of me and this experience we have been given. I've been attending some fun play dates. It's been great advice and experience from boy mommy's as that portion of what's ahead feels a bit out of my comfort zone.

We had baby dedication day at church on Sunday. I wanted to share a few things which were meaningful from that service. First, the bulletin cover had this:

God's Loan

"I'll lend this child to you for a little time, A child of mine," He said,
"For you to shape and mold his life, And prepare for the journey ahead.
It may be only a brief time, Or all of your life to be.
But will you all the time he's yours, Take care of him for me?

I've looked this whole world over, In my search for teachers true.
And in the crowds that throng life's land, I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your best, And nurture him in faith.
So he will come to know my live, And grow in truth and grace.

Yes, Lord
We'll do our best to care for him. To teach in every way,
And give him all the we can give, With all we do and say.
We'll shelter him with tenderness, We'll love him while we may,
And for the joy he brings to us. Forever grateful stay.


Also, we were asked to speak covenants over the families and the new babies born in the last year.

I have printed out the parent's covenant personalizing it with our and Matthew's name on pretty scrapbook paper with a great font, matted and framed it. If you're having trouble reading, double click the image to see the words better.


Church's Covenant

We will be extended family for these new parents.
We will offer our personal help and encouragement when needed.
We will refrain from unfair criticism and snap judgments.
We will give them advice when asked and support them with pray without being asked.
We will listen to their stories, share their concerns, and look at their pictures.
We will learn their names and share their stories.
We will give our hearts to these family and love them as Christ has loved us.

Niece Time

Last week I had the wonderful company of my 15 1/2 year( the 1/2 is important) old niece Joan. I could brag the whole post about her, but I'll just say this. I admire her passion for her convictions and her heart to want to be the best person she can be. Joan is so much deeper than her looks, friends or social calendar. I walked her through how to make a t-shirt quilt so both of my sister's daughter's now have one. They are king size and take all week to complete. They enjoy theirs as much as I enjoy mine. I'll have to get a pic of all three of us with ours sometime.




With her mother's and sister's permission, she took her mom's wedding dress and made a pillow. I think it would make a great ring bearer's pillow some day. Plus, she let me keep the extra trim so Lord willing God gives us a girl one day, I'll have fabulous trim for her bedding :-)




On Wednesday we had a pint size visitor who Joan doted on and vice versa. Joan is the one who got Rachel to eat the apple and peanut butter, I was having no luck at all:

Watching a little cartoons

Walking up the stairs together many times.....
Joan was most excited she told me about attending the Legally Blonde musical at Fair Park on Wednesday night with ladies from my Sunday bible class.


Billy was a very good sport with all the girl time. He got some alone time with his computer which he enjoys. I'll catch up on July stuff and do my monthly baby update later this week as well.