This Post May Cause Drowsiness

I took my antibiotics yesterday morning, started to get nauseous so I took what the dr prescribed for me at noon so I could eat lunch. Maybe it's because I just haven't had alot of physical aches and don't have a high tolerance to pain/ meds. I felt loopy, somehow my head detached from the rest of my body for the afternoon. It's that feeling that I'm annoying myself, so surely I'm annoying others and I should shoosh. I got off work, laid down at 5 pm and woke up at 5:30 this morning. Sure enough, the bottle and my kind friend Brooke told me this might make me drowsy. Lesson learned? Don't take the nausea or pain meds (they say the same thing on the bottle) unless it's right before I go to bed.



Ashley, my niece (that's us with my sleepy brother a few years back) called me in the middle of Women of Faith crying. Not pain/ physically hurt, but I could tell something emotionally wasn't right. We have the same hair, naturally curly, frizzy and pretty unruly. (We at different times try to remind each other it's special and unique) She and I both work to smooth, tame and straighten it. Her friends last year took her to the salon and she was able to get her hair professionally straightened. This year she tried one at home, damaged her hair and had spilt ends making it necessary to have the bottom 4 inches of her hair cut. I put myself back in to a teenager through her eyes and would have felt very upset knowing school was starting this week. I asked if there was anything I could do and she said no, she just wanted to tell me. I hope I have that kind of relationship with God. See, this hurts God? I know you'll understand, we have the same hair :-)


Change going on around us: start of a new school year for my nieces and nephews and all the teachers I know, more traffic and longer commute to work, Billy after 9 years no longer works with his brother, my brother is getting ready to move to Colorado. I feel in many ways we are in this holding pattern though. Like an airplane not quite approved for landing. Billy talks about us not wasting this time that we have together and it really is precious. Maybe I just want there to be a holding pattern. This last week was tough on the emotions. Part of me feels ready for calmness, no updates, no excitement, no news. Billy and I both talked about a numbness and detachment. That much tugging on our emotions that quickly, our souls both just need a distraction, a diversion. Something fun and not overtly serious. We both have serious personalities though, so we talk. I am so glad God knew this about me, my tendency to over evaluate and keep picking at something. He gave me someone who wants to talk as much as I do. My brain just doesn't let these matters go easily. I've kept a diary/ journal since I was in elementary. Always a place to escape to, get everything out and be able to go on. My escape, my haven, my place of rest is God. He built in each one of his children, this resiliency, this need to hope, to look for the good. As we get older, that ability can be stilled, quieted. I want to never stop looking for the bright side of things, the silver lining. The "it could be worse" or as my mom would say, starving children in _______ would appreciate what I was refusing to eat. (Offering to send it to them didn't go over well.) Maybe it's just being grateful, as children we don't really know what other people have or what it's supposed to be like. Then we start looking around and somehow our happiness drains away. If I just had this or that, then I would have it all together. No one does. God's current blessings are enough. I would hate to turn around and one of his current blessings (husband, health, home, family, friends, job) be taken and realized I wasted it by yearning for what I didn't have. I think of my last conversation with my sister. Feeling I was right that everyone should be able to go to my grandfather's funeral and championing this cause. So what that I felt I was right, did I really do any good? When I should have just understand where she was coming from, been there for her, given compassion instead of solutions. I wasn't going to change her mind and now living with the fact that yes we loved each other, but out last words were not kind. Her birthday is getting closer and everything starts reminding me of her.




Must end on a sweet note. When little children get excited to see you, I just think it's the biggest ego boost. You pour attention and caring in to a child and it comes back ten fold. Wes and Amy let me get my baby fix sitting her from time to time. Isn't she just the cutest thing?