Sharing

Sorry if it gets tedious hearing about physical inconveniences and our journey with trying to have a child, but this blog stuff is so therapeutic. I read the comments over and over and feel so wrapped in love and understanding and compassion. I know I should just tell people when they ask me face to face, but the knee jerk reaction of "I'm fine, thank you, how are you?" lives on. I don't want to be an emotional episode dominating a conversation and bringing others in to possibly more than they really know how/ want to handle. I try to remember that I have two ears and one mouth, and should use them accordingly, listening more than I talk. I've been called emotional, sensitive, hard to talk to about this and so it becomes easy to take those labels to heart and go through this in silence. Some of the advice is hurtful, being told to just relax or adopt as if that alone is what is causing me not to have a child. I already want to blame myself, so the words make it easier to think something I'm doing or not doing is what's causing me not to get pregnant. I really struggle these days feeling like a failure. I take these feelings to Christ as he's the only one that can remind me of who I really am because He made me. I start recognizing that satan wants to isolate, intimidate and make each person only be open to the lies he tells; rather than the encouragement that can come from sharing our messy lives with each other. So I write here, get things out and it somehow makes it easier to then lay it aside and go about the day to day tasks of living. I stumbled on several websites for quadruplets and assuming correctly all these women had struggles and help, intentionally scanned back through to what kind of odds they were facing to get where they were. These strong women shared long lists of seemingly overwhelming obstacles, this is never going to happen stories, numerous health issues, etc. I've never personally met any of these women, but God speaks to me through these obstacles and shows me He can do anything.
Here's one:
McNulty Quads
- Chronic, debilitating Pain
- Disability- Permanent Medical leave from work
- Loss of disability insurance from the state
- Infertility diagnosis and treatments
- 2 years of hormone treatments
- Zero coverage from medical insurance
- 6 months of accelerated treatments
- 1 year, 3 months on technical bed-rest and inactivity
- 3 miscarriages
- Over $15,000 out of pocket and counting..

Harris Quads
After trying for a year and half to get pregnant (and I mean really trying, with temperature charts and everything!), we decided it was time to get a little help.

Steece Quads
have been trying to get pregnant for what seems like eternity now. Needless to say, we've gone through many tearful nights and frustrations that only those of you who have also struggled with infertility can truly understand. After numerous monthly disappointments, my OBGYN decided that maybe I should try the lowest dose of Clomid, the fertility drug. (If you remember, I have a bad case of endometriosis, a tumor on my ovary, severely scarred fallopian tubes, etc. and have had multiple procedures and surgery...) I just wasn't producing an egg each month, so we researched it and decided to try Clomid--it has worked for tons of other women in my situation.

What would our obstacles be?
Health concerns with recovering from the ear surgery, causing the celiac, known to cause infertility. Having the HSG only to have an infection from it.
Family history of various autoimmune and bone issues


I don't know if the clomid would help us or not as we are still don't have a concrete reason why we haven't been able to have a child yet. So far , all the tests appear okay. ( We had an early issue that was worked out). Thank you for everyone who continues to read this and pray for us. I know God has a plan for us, but I don't think anyone really knows what that is yet. I wouldn't want everyone to really understand, so it's okay if you don't. It's truly hard some days...

In case you're wondering what precipitates these thoughts, partly because we heard some friends of ours are pregnant yesterday. ( I really am very happy for them, they are wonderful people and will make warm, loving parents.) Also partly, because it just takes a few days to really process we aren't every month. (Did I mention I analyze quite a bit? Yeah, I drove my family crazy.) It gives me closure to things. All that thinking is a way to learn, try to see it from every angle so I didn't miss anything and then, only then can I move forward in peace. Time to get geared up to try again for another month.