The last week in Pictures

Found the cable to download all the pics from my camera :-) First, Billy demonstrating our support for Spacebags. We used several of these for our linens to keep them airtight for the two months they will be in storage.


Sweet Brooke & Ava playing
We all played the Newlywed Game to celebrate our completion of "Praying the Names of God"
Moving Day has arrived!
The girls taking a break while the guys tackled the heavy stuff. (Mary, Shawnda, Sarah & Miranda)
This made me laugh, Sarah & Ben are a fun couple :-)

I tried to get a shot of all the guys but they were always in motion (Ben, Jonathan, Billy, also there was Michael, Chad, Brent and Mike)
Katy & Michael showed up to help us move on Michael's birthday weekend !!

This is the main living room wall of the apartment we are staying at. It's gorgeous!!
Scripture above the armoire



Goodbye Allen!

Emotions

Today my emotions embarrassed me. It's moments when I know others think I've overreacted because of my display of tears. When incidents like this happen I pray to be one of those people who are strong, resilient and take things in stride that don't effect their heart on such a deep level. Am I just a sensitive person for good or bad? Do I want to be be? Can I change that? More importantly, does God want this aspect of my personality to be changed/ refined/ corrected? Brings to mind the scripture in Psalm 139:

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I do that quite a bit though, resist the things I am, wish I was some other way. As much as I know how I am, I try not to stay there. I had lunch with my sweet friend Dawn and she reminded me of something very important. To challenge myself in those areas that are weaknesses to not just stay with: that's who I am and stay there. Sometimes a strength taken too far eclipsing the ability to be a well balanced person ends up being a liability. (I'm task orientated, if I take that too far, people and relationships start taking a back seat and I know God placed me down here for communion with others. Then I whine that I don't feel connected to others and it's really my responsibility) Aptly timed, without knowing yet of what had occurred during my day Billy sent me this (God is amazing in His provisions in every way, it's from the Purpose Drive Life online devotionals):

The Truth About Feelings
by Jon Walker

“… And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ ….” (Philippians 1:9-10 NIV)

Submitted now for your consideration is Pamela, a loving wife, a nurturing mother, a prayerful Christian. This morning her husband, Richard, left a tender note on the bathroom mirror, inviting Pamela to join him for lunch at their favorite restaurant.

Pamela eyes the clock all morning, anticipating meeting her life-long love at 1 p.m. She’s excited and feeling extraordinarily loved by her husband, so she leaves for the restaurant early so she can buy Richard a small gift. She splurges a little, buying two balloons that float from the ribbon around the present.

As she pays for the gift, she notices her cell phone isn’t in her purse – again. No matter, it’s 12:30 and in a few short minutes she’ll be with Richard, giving him her undivided attention. Who needs a cell phone in moments like that?

Pamela arrives at the restaurant first, and she patiently waits for Richard to arrive. What she doesn’t yet know is that there has been in a horrible, tragic traffic accident, and Richard died at about the time she was tying the balloons to his present, excitedly anticipating their romantic rendezvous.

The point to this painful snapshot is that our feelings don’t always reflect the truth. Pamela was soaring high on feelings of love, completely unaware of the awful truth bearing down on her. Her feelings are not yet in line with the truth.

Imagine Pamela as she waits for her husband. When he doesn’t arrive soon, she becomes annoyed. After 20 minutes, she’s irritated and hurt. Her feelings still do not line up with the truth.

By the time 40 minutes have passed, she is worrying. This just isn’t like Richard. Maybe something has happened. She borrows the restaurant's phone and calls Richard’s office. His boss says, “Pamela, we’ve been trying to reach you. There’s been a terrible accident ….” The truth and Pamela’s feelings collide – and become one.

There’s nothing wrong with our feelings; God gave them to us. As one of my friends often says, “Feelings are just feelings.” Sometimes they reflect the truth; often times they don’t. They can serve as an early warning system, such as when fear alerts us to danger, or they can draw your attention to the one God wants you to marry, when you feel an overwhelming sense of love.

But your feelings do not define the truth. Only God defines the truth. You may feel worthless, but the truth is you are uniquely created by God, who loves you deeply. You may feel like you can walk on water, but the truth is you can only do that if Jesus calls you from the boat. You can’t; God can.

The apostle Paul teaches us to discern the truth, not through our feelings, but through knowledge and insight. He writes, “… and this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ ….” (Philippians 1:9-10 NIV)

Eugene Peterson, in The Message paraphrase, translates that passage like this: “… You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush ….” (Philippians 1:9b-10a MSG) Otherwise, you end up in a life “shaped by things and feelings instead of God.” (Colossians 3:5 MSG)

Your feelings are from God; they are a gift, and there is no need to avoid them or be ashamed of them. However, God never meant for our feelings to measure our life and determine how we live it. Your feelings do not define you; they are not designed to interpret the situations you now face. Only God’s truth can define you, and only God’s truth can pass judgment on the circumstances of your life.

The great and best Good News is this: God’s truth is a person – Jesus Christ, our Lord.

So what?

· You are not your emotions – You are defined by God, not your emotions. You may not feel like it, but God says you are wonderfully and fearfully created in his image, accepted in the Beloved. He loves you no matter what you’ve done.

· God uses your feelings – God may use your feelings to reveal a piece of your heart that you need to turn over to him. He may use your feelings to draw you closer to him. Paul speaks of feeling like a wretched man, and that draws him deeper into the grace of God. Your feelings of hopelessness in a situation may be what God uses to show you that you’re hanging your hopes on the wrong thing – because he is the God of a hope that will not disappoint.

· Your obedience is based on the truth, not feelings – The facts may appear daunting, but it is up to God, not you and your feelings, to interpret the facts. God calls us to be obedient to the truth, not to the way we feel. As C.S. Lewis says in Mere Christianity, if you don’t love someone, behave as if you do, and your feelings will catch up.

Rewards

I've chosen a different job to use skills and gifts that God has blessed me with quite earnestly in part so that I don't feel quite so acutely the void of not being a parent. I feel as though I'm preparing for that role better by seeing different personalities, learning more ways to approach and guide young minds. When mommy conversations come up I feel as though I can bring something to the table. I know I don't always have to do that, there is a time for simply listening and supporting others. Other co-teachers ten years younger than I am admit to going home tired daily. I swapped out financial compensation (this was definitely a pay cut) for emotional rewards. To feel as though I'm making a difference in a child's life. At what point does my fulfillment and using my gifts for God balance out with what it takes away from my marriage? At work I spend hours being patient, repetitive in reminding social, behavioral and moral rules, breaking up tiffs, soothing fragile emotions. I'm on my feet all day for the first time in about 10 years as well. I'm sure every teacher what ever you teach deals with this daily. This environment and what it requires from me personally is new to me. I want to put my all in to it as children are something I care about passionately. If I have a bad day or lose my patience it's a child that suffers not a piece of paper or a task. I'm working this and other things out mentally and just wanted to delve in to a bit to help me sort through on paper. We've also had the added stress of packing and moving since the week after I started.

I'm sure things will settle down. My co-teacher and I are getting on the same page for the 4 year olds which I'm so thankful for as it makes the time more enjoyable. My co teacher in the infants is going back to college in about a week, so that will change. I learned yesterday it's transition time which makes sense as it's coming up on a new school year. So all these 4 year old personalities I've been getting to know and care about will change on the 18th. I wish I could take pictures of their little faces, they truly are precious.

"All things are possible with God"

Discombobulated

We've definitely been out of our comfort zone for a while now with packing and moving. I'm still looking for the cable to download pictures from my camera to the computer. It's a good thing in many ways forcing us not to take the blessings we've had for granted. Also in not just saying this is who I am without working on the areas God is prodding me to. The funny side of it is that my normal routine, where things are and how I do them is just off. I'm pretty disoriented and forgetful right now. Yesterday on lunch I was very hungry as keeping up with these precious 4 year olds definitely requires more physically and emotionally than pushing any paper across a desk has in the last 10 years. (Also between gearing up for this work and packing / moving for the last 2 and 1/2 weeks, I'm exhausted at the end of the day). I digress ( I haven't blogged in a while, have a bunch to say, I'm trying to catch up over several entries rather than do a novel) ...

So I went to McDonald's on my lunch yesterday hoping to get something quick and easy for lunch so I could get another errand ran (which I still haven't' gotten done today either for different reasons). I place my order, reach inside my purse for my wallet and.... nothing :-) I apologize to the lady behind the counter because all I have in my purse is a useless checkbook because of course my I.D is also in my wallet. (I'm glad this didn't happen the Thursday before because I got a ticket on my way to work. I had left my wallet in a different purse at the apartment which was too far to get there and back and still be able to eat lunch) They don't take checks anyway and no one is going to take one without I.D. So I form another plan, call near by sister-in-law and pray she's okay with a last minute drop in for lunch. If I don't eat every 2.5 to 4 hours, my sugar level drops resulting in nausea, headaches and increased fatigue if I don't get something to eat. No answer there, so I decide to drop by what's now the "old" house as I know we hadn't quite gotten all of the food out of the fridge and pantry just yet. (we had packed up the kitchen the weekend before and the plastic stuff we'd been using for that week had already made it's way to the apartment) Success though, I discover a steam bag of peas in the freezer, I can just pop in the microwave. Good start, so I continue my search and spy some tilapia fish. hhhmmm, no utensils to open it... I do have a tape gun there though, so I use that and open it up. Nuke that next in the microwave. By now the heat of the house ( A/C was still out, has been fixed since) was getting to me so I turned on all the fans in the house and opened the fridge and freezer doors. I managed to find a sad left behind tupperware container so I could pour some cold water from the fridge door. So there I sat on the edge of the fridge (there are no chairs left in the house, plus it's cooler) eating my lunch with my hands drinking my water ala large tupperware.

I told this story to my sister on lunch and she said it was too funny not to blog. I think it's a testament to what a hungry girl will do for some food.

Also, in the business of last week we did receive confirmation that the adoption agency received our profile. In return we received directions on the next step (around here somewhere) to submit in essay form the equivalent of an autobiography. I suppose different from the 36 pages about us we sent several months ago and our family in that it's not multiple choice answers we are given. But a full history of where we have lived, family, relationship, friendships, etc. So that's what's going on next. I'm looking forward to feeling confident in at least one area of my life right now, still adapting to my new work and home environment, feeling more familiar at church now that it's been 9 months that we've been going there :-)

Stored & Moved

As of this evening, we are completely out of the old house :-) It's been a busy last couple of weeks. We are so blessed to have the opportunity to stay with some dear friends from our church who have a spare apartment above their garage. Thank you Donna & Gerry! I have pictures ... somewhere. I was just glad to be hooked back up this evening. I told Billy I was going through withdrawals to see what what was going on in blog land. This really is such a blessing to have this connection to others. We have the closing scheduled for 1 pm on Wednesday. We are so glad the lady who first put a contract on the house back in April ended up being able to sell her house so she could buy ours.

Sweet friends came over on Saturday morning, early to help us get everything in storage. We are glad we had everything in boxes as well as starting as early as we did. Because first, it was very hot outside and second, the A/C went out (again). The warranty people were out there today and replaced the motor this time, so we pray the owner doesn't have any trouble with that. Thank you to Sarah, Ben, Mary, Brent, Shawnda, Jonathan, Miranda, Chad, Mike, Katy and Michael for coming and helping us move, we are truly blessed and appreciative of your efforts :-)) Everything was in the storage unit by noon. We had lunch with Katy and Michael and then went to the new apartment and spruced up for dinner and a movie for Michael's birthday. Sunday I was sure my bible was at the old house, so we got ready for church and headed over there first, only to get there and remember, no it really did make it's way to the apartment with us. Tonight I made a usual Turnbow dinner (we had frozen stuff all last week due to the kitchen being packed) after cleaning the house and it felt more normal this evening.

The house has been very good to us and we have some very precious memories. That is where Billy got down on one knee washed my feet and proposed to me in the living on the couch.

That's where we came home from our honeymoon to. We have celebrated three anniversaries there. We also have countless memories there as friends with parties. We pray the house continues to be a blessing to her.

Packing

I've had some fleeting ideas for some blog entries. Until we get moved this weekend, my effort and energy is going towards the house. The only thing I have left to do is go through all my clothes. Take minimal summer clothes for the next couple of months and separate the rest for storage. Here is what our living room normally looks like:



And here it is this morning:


We did break away Saturday night for Lance's birthday party

and had a fun lunch after Sunday service with the Jolly's as well as our weekly walk through on the new house:

Wait

My precious friend Trina passed this on to me, thank you so much. This touched my heart bringing tears to my eyes speaking to me where I am. Billy and I often discuss having fun now and being in the moment, leaning and trusting in God. Really believing in the place where our decisions and actions are motivated to KNOW that He loves and provides for us to HIS glory.

"Wait" by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said,"Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to Wait?"
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still "WAIT".

Family & School

The Turnbow household is definitely in motion. Belongings moving towards boxes and tubs around our house. All neatly labeled and maddeningly organized. Running errands, and preparing for the move in general. I've taken pictures of the progress as things are safely stowed for the next couple of months. I'll post them sometime, I'm really tired tonight and have a headache so I'm about to head off to bed. It's been a long week on a couple of fronts. I told you about Lisa, well my other sister Leah went to the emergency room on Thursday with breathing issues. Bronchitis and orange ozone alerts were just a couple of factors. Thankfully she was released after receiving a steroid/ cortisone shot after the 4 breathing treatments were unsuccessful.

The kids have been saying some really sweet things I wanted to remember here:
One little boy was raving about his friend next to him. I asked him why they were such good buddies. He said "because he crabs me up" Which crabbed me up very much.
Another little boy who can only be described as the twin from the mad magazine cover asked as I was rubbing his back for nap time if I love him. I said yes and he rolled over and went to sleep. *sweet sigh*
We've been telling knock knock jokes as we cool down from recess time. The girl version is... kk.. who's there? Princess ... Princess who? Aren't you glad I didn't say transformers? :D The boy version is the reverse. I proceeded to tell the banana one where you say banana at least 4 or five time until you finally say , orange you glad I didn't say banana? They are much more patient with this joke than adults.
Thank you for everyone who has been so kind with my classroom management questions. I've had quite a bit of formal training from school. It is such a big change from one to 20 and just like pre marital counseling, the more tools you have in your toolbox the better. I do see Rachel during the day as we are transitioning to classes. She saw me first today and the reason I know that was because I turned around when I heard a crying child to see her through the class doors looking right at me. I waved and blew kisses like the silly mad woman I am. She laughed in return and then went back to her business in the computers. My class was on the way to music studio when that occurred today and we've been doing a pretty neat activity in there where the children take turns singing songs. There is some twinkle twinkle, with kung fu panda, transformers and Disney songs. They are so sweet standing next to me picking a song and I high five them when they are done.

Lisa

I feel this day coming every day for the weeks prior to it every year. Today, 4 years ago my oldest sister Lisa passed away in her sleep taking an afternoon nap. She laid down with a headache and went home to Jesus.

I'm glad of today to be so busy teaching and caring for children to think about everything that happened around this time in 2004. My last moments with her, the painful shock of her news, saying goodbye at the funeral and learning to deal with the gap in my life where she had been. She was so spirited, stubborn and she lit up a room. She was a natural born leader who made straight A's without trying. She was a perfectionist who had to be in a very specific mood to hear the possibility that she might be wrong. She had very firm opinions and wasn't afraid to express them. She had the most generous heart and would do and or give anything for those she loved. She enjoyed teasing me and I even miss her teasing jokes about my size (she was 8 inches taller than me and started coloring her hair to a blond in her teen years). She had a contagious laugh that when she did came from her soul. We have the same hair, eye and skin coloring, I was just the mini version of her. I could talk about her for paragraphs and paragraphs.... 4 years later, grief feels like a lead weight on my chest, lump in my throat and a half grin for all she was and still is in the hearts of us that love her. Going by her house Saturday for my nephew's birthday was hard, it's only the second time I've been there since she passed away. I expect her to come around a corner any moment. I usually meet up with my brother-in-law and nephews at my mom's house.

Today, I have work, get a PO Box at lunch for our mail to go to between July 30th and September 15. We have bible study tonight, last chapter on Praying the Names of God. Then we will go by and see the apartment we've been graciously offered to stay at. Get more boxes as we have gone through our current supply. Billy is tackling the guest room and I am packing up my craft room right now. Billy pulled everything out of the attic. Our house is in chaos with all the boxes and half packed rooms.


[ADDED] Here I am at the end of this day. I felt the tears well up a couple of times today. First was in cpr/ choking/ first aid training the topic of seizures came up. It if had been any other time of year my mind wouldn't have gone to the images of Lisa having hers and what we all knew was necessary to help her through those times of if I had thought about it might not have brought the sting to my chest and eyes that it did today. Lisa had systemic lupus erythematosus or simply lupus. It's an auto immune condition that in her case effected her kidneys and liver. A cold for us lasts a couple days, it would last months for her and do damage to those organs. The receptors of her white blood cells got confused and attacked them instead. I don't know necessarily due to the lupus, but she also had epilepsy. Lisa spent much time in hospitals from the time she was diagnosed with lupus at 17 until she passed away at the age of 33 and she didn't want to be alone there. I have memories of sitting in hospital rooms sitting just talking or watching TV. Going to visit with Kenny and the boys and wheeling her outside so she could watch the boys play on the lawn of the hospital. I remember it was the hardest thing for me after the viewing the day before her funeral, I couldn't leave her there. I rationally and logically knew what was in that box wasn't really my sister anymore, but you couldn't have convinced my heart of that, not that day. Lisa had yearned to be a mother and after the doctor's advised her against having children due to her health, she made an enormous sacrifice that none of us can judge, she had my three wonderful nephews. She had her career and other dreams taken away due to her illness and her dream of motherhood she just couldn't let go of. I know in the end it was up to God whether they were born in to this world or not. A blog I read is about a wife that has cystic fibrosis and was told not to have children, they stopped trying and still God brought them a little girl. If it's God will, it doesn't really matter if we do it intentionally or not. God alone gives life and takes it away. It's why there are no "accidents" walking around. Maybe it wasn't the parent's plan, but it was God's. The second time I teared up was in hearing how other family spent the day honoring Lisa and the love they have for her.

July Celebrating

After a wonderful church service this morning (I'll probably blog about the sermon later, made me think) Billy and I headed to Fort Worth to spend the afternoon with Stevie who is turning 13 years old. He is so creative, smart, handsome and tender hearted. I'm so proud of the young man that he is.
Stevie with his two brothers. His dad has started dating (it's been actually 4 years on Wednesday since Lisa passed). Kenny is young and is moving forward with his life. Dawn has three boys of her own. Jamee, he oldest doesn't have a shirt on due to the sunburn you can see. It hurt for him to put clothes on.

We still have showing scheduled, so to get out the house ( we tend to do this quite a bit) we visited the new one. The house has drywall :-)) This is in the back of the downstairs looking from the family room in to the kitchen.


This is from the same spot I just turned 90 degrees to my left looking towards the stairs. To the right is the playroom. This view is facing the front door as well. As you enter you step in to the formal dining area.
We ended the day with an ice cream social/ gospel singing night at our church to send off people to Grenada:
Soccerballs signed and prayed over being sent to the children.

Billy, me, Michael, Katy, Brent, Mary, Nathan and Amy (We'll be praying for you Amy, can't wait to hear about the trip)


Goodnight, Allen!



It may say Billy is posting at the bottom of this, but it's Lori. Somehow I kicked myself off the account, still not sure how I managed that.

Getting Closer

Today has been filled with God's plans. Mine was to rest from this first full week at work. God's plan was to have two showings on our house starting at 9:45 am. So as a result, Billy and I went shopping for work clothes, the grocery store and mailed off the adoption profile. We scanned everything in so we can print off another copy should the need arise, also I want to use that as the starting point for a baby book. We had tried to mail off the profile last weekend but everything was closed for the holiday. Other God timing news is that we received an offer on the house last night!! We are VERY excited. It's a full list price offer from the same lady we had the original contingency offer back in April. She was able to get an offer on her house. Based on the showings today (same person came twice) our Realtor says another offer could be coming our way. We did the first walk through with the builders on Thursday and this development would pave the way for that house to become a reality in our future. So here is where the timing gets interesting. Close date is set for on or before July 30th. Completion date of new house is September 15th. We have a couple of different scenarios of what to do in the meantime, I'll keep you posted on what God decides :-)

For the first showing, Billy has this idea. We were hungry and wanted to make our regular full breakfast including eggs, sausage and muffins that is the hallmark of our Saturday mornings. We weren't quite ready to do all the errands and I'm very limited on breakfast places with my Celiac. So, we waited in the front room until we saw someone pull up, got in the car waited down the street until they were done and came back home. The adrenal rush of them pulling up and racing out of the house was too funny. We really did need our breakfast :-)



Right now it's 3:30 pm and I'm feeling like I need a nap.

Dad & daughter

I was thinking about a million things tonight and just had to pull this picture out tonight. I love my dad very much, he's a good man who tries that best he can in everything he does. He has a very loving heart and tonight I'm very proud of him. He's taking care of my 88-year old grandfather who is very ill right now with heart issues. Pap will get to meet Jesus soon we all suspect.

Moments with You

This excerpt is from a daily devotional that I enjoy reading by Dennis & Barbara Rainey that caused me to pause:

Graceful Landings


The grace of the Lord Jesus be with you.
1 Corinthians 16:23 NASB

Far too frequently, we hear about the indiscretion of a public figure or religious leader being exposed in some kind of tabloid-style news flash. For a few days, the person's name and all the titillating details are near the top of every news broadcast.

How should Christian parents handle these kinds of reports?

I ask this question because I fear that the way we discuss these things around the dinner table can have longer-lasting implications for our kids than we realize. When we rant about what these individuals have done, judging them with little grace or calling them names and considering them despicable, what does that say to our teenage sons and daughters about what they can expect if they ever need to come to us and confess some secret sin?

Whether we like to think it or not, our children all struggle with sinful desires. They are growing up in a world riddled with promiscuity, drugs, alcohol, pornography, gluttony and dozens of other addictions and seductions. Even if they never act on all these temptations, their human desires cause them the same difficulties from day to day as ours do.

But if they know that your response to human guilt is abrupt and merciless, what will they likely say to themselves if they mess up badly in the future? "I could never come clean with Mom and Dad. I could never be real with them about what I'm struggling with."

Your children should know that if they ever fail morally, you will not intervene to spare them from the consequences. But they should also know that no matter how hard they fall, there is always grace in your household. They are always safe in your embrace. They can never slip so far away that your love won't still be there to reach out to them and welcome them home.

Discuss
Use an example from the recent news to start a healthy discussion of man's failures and God's healing grace. Talk with your children about truth, consequences and God's forgiveness.

Pray
Pray that you and your family will be a safe harbor of forgiveness, grace and hope for those who fail.

Whistle while you work

Or in my case this week, sing, dance, read books, help to teach 21 4-year olds Spanish, computers, art and dance. Wear hats of referee, fairness judge, etiquette guider, being an example of self control, kind words and nice actions. (Moms are nodding that they are required to do this all day) That occurs before lunch. After lunch I am a human play toy for the infants (we have the crawlers, we get them when they can sit alone and they move on when they can walk) while adhering to all parent instructions of feeding, changing and sleep schedules. They are all on different schedules. As per the three manuals I have accepted and signed off on, I can't talk much about the specifics as the techniques alone are priority information. I am very open to suggestions of any one's experience of what has worked for them for pre-school/ kindergarten. I won't be stating the name of the school here in the blog and if you know and I have happened to share with you in person, please do not include it in the comments section.

The transition between one sweet 2-year old and the multitudes has me thinking quite a bit of loving children as God does. Every one of them, even the sweet little dears who struggle to listen, obey and/ or be respectful. I am the newbie and they are testing boundaries to see what they can get away with on me. I think this is one of the reason I didn't chose substitute teaching, although wonderful flexibility, I don't think I would have ever felt "in the know" regarding unspoken class rules, behaviors, schedule and what normal looks like and what to expect.

This position is an answer to prayers. I am very glad to be making a difference in children's lives. It is rewarding to start receiving hugs this morning on day 4 that the children are getting used to me. Anything worth doing well requires sacrifices, so I am grateful for the sore throat and arms. Sore throat from trying to get the attention of the older ones (without screaming) and the arms are from rocking all the sweet babies to sleep in the afternoon. I'm a completely different kind of tired from this job than any other. I not only do still want my own, but hope to gain invaluable first hand experience on how to raise ours. The only true struggle that I am having now is that there are required staff/ training meetings every first Wednesday night of the month which will interfere with Small Group. I'm in prayer about this....

I would never.....

I think I know why I feel the need to explain myself to others. Because I know me in an unknown circumstance and around other people who are vastly different from myself. I slip in to" I would never" mode. Not something I'm the least proud of for many reasons, first, my own arrogance is overwhelming. Second, and most importantly I am not loving people as God calls me to. I am judging them in a situation I know I am not familiar and somehow get convinced I would do this better. Where does this arrogant streak come from? It's not in the area of questioning myself that I see signs of insecurity, but here. I need some sense of superiority to ensure my own sense of self worth. Is my value in being right? Am I only important if I have all the best, right answers? As if I could have all the answers and have everything figured out from a surface observation. I remember vividly on our honeymoon a scene between a parent and child that resulted in the child ordering the parent around. Man, did I ever puff up....

Is this that sense of right and wrong, my ability to discern justice? Why is not my first reaction a heart of sympathy and prayerfulness? When did I forget all the many mistakes I have and continue to make and believe I am above such humanness? I remember as a single person telling myself rather smugly I would never do (fill in the blank) what ever relationship mishap someone else had made. I really believed because I was marrying a Christian man and I had turned my life around ( wow, can you see my justification building?) I would be immune to having anything as normal as differences. It's self righteousness and gossiping that satan enjoys getting a foothold in so much.

Where does my sense of humility go in those moments? Apparently there's no room for Jesus as I am too puffed up with my own sense of importance in that moment. Where would there be room to remember scriptures such as we all sin and fall short of the glory of God or to consider others better than myself. Love covers a multitude of sins and to forgive others as my Father forgives me...

Hypothetically on paper I know the right angle and answer to provide. Life and relationships are messy and complicated. Maybe if I have experience in a specific area I can share what has worked in the past. In a situation I don't know? For example, I shouldn't dare judge a parent as I am not one. My expectations of what that looks and feels like is just that ... an impression based on several bits of other people's lives that I am on the outside looking in. I don't know what goes on behind their closed doors. It's so much easier when it's not my friend of loved one, someone from a distance I can analyze. Measure myself up against and think I come out ahead. Here is where my thinking nature can go too far. In that moment I forget to just be the best me God wants me to be. For a measure of humility to know the only measuring stick I have is Jesus Christ and I will always come up short.

I'm not beating myself up, just recognizing sin in a portion of my attitude and heart that Jesus needs to be in. My first hint that He's not there is my heart feels ugly and cold when I'm in the midst of speaking about someone in this manner and that is not the heart of my Lord. He did not die on the cross for me to go around feeling superior. I pray to keep my ears and heart open praying for His words and heart in every circumstance. He loves me even through my actions so I know He is loving that person through theirs.

Can't go Home

Here's what our day looks like when we can't be at home all day because of an open house and private showings scheduled. It was so much fun and definitely a great way to end the unexpected bit of freedom I've had this last month while job searching. We had an open house from 10 am to 1 pm this morning so we had to get up and out of the house much quicker than we normally do on a Saturday. It's the one day a week we usually get to sleep in, (this month being the exception) so I take full advantage of such luxuries. We took the opportunity of an earlier summer morning to go to the nearby outlets before it got too hot and look for work clothes for me and tennis shoes for Billy. Then we met up with Billy's brother Mike, Teresa, Sydney and Kyle. We had lunch at Jason's Deli. We decided this time to go to the actual new house site rather than any model that might set off any alarms like last week.


We caught the movie Wall*e which was adorable, stopped by the house for 5 minutes to freshen up because there was a showing scheduled. So we headed up to spend the evening with our sweet friends, Sarah & Ben for a night of catching up from all the June traveling we all have had. Dinner at Chipotle, then off to Starbucks to watch a gorgeous sunset and for me to ever so slowly win at Phase 10, hehe.


Yes, the lady at Starbucks asked Billy if I was a tourist. I don't normally capture everyday events, although I might just start. I was so glad to have my camera back I wanted to capture everything! They are even more beautiful on the inside :-)

Happy 4th of July!

Billy and I met up with about 30 some odd great friends that we ran around with in our single days. We started out in the afternoon at Wendy & David's and then most of us drove over to Frisco for the fireworks :-) Ok, We had so much fun that I'm tired and can't get them in the order I would like.

Cre, Amy, Heather and Diane holding Chloe trying to get her to go to sleep


4 girls- Angela, 20 months along, her sweet niece Georgia and sister Jennie


Girl Talk


Waiting for the Fireworks


Liesl, Mason & Holland


Dawn & Jarrod


Jeff & wife Kyri, with baby girl Charlie due in 8 weeks


Chris & Rachel


Our wonderful hosts for the day, David & Wendy


Singing Christmas songs with Kylee & Holland (hey, the 3 & 4 year old were happy)


Me and Kylee


Billy and Me :-)

Advice, anyone?

I've shared this site with family and friends. I also know there are people who read this who have never met me or that I don't see in person very often. The way my personality is and why I do things is individual to how God made me. As a result some people may understand/ agree with choices I make and some will not. That's where satan can get a foothold with gossip, labeling and stereotyping. As an introvert, these outcomes are my worst case scenario. I believe if you come here you are somewhere on the curiosity and care spectrum in regard to me and my life. It may be the journey to have a child and your own experiences with that, the celiac, being young(it's my blog, I can call me that) and married for just a few years.

What ever the case may be, I know I read other people's and at times worry about what I read. Wondering in regard with what ever they are going if they are all right. I may also be sad that they may be hurting by what concerns, fears of adversity is in their life. In the end I know God has them in His hand. If I know them well enough I would approach with love and truth. This would occur after a couple of events had occurred. First and foremost pray that God's words come out of my mouth and not my own agenda. I would then ask many questions so I more fully understand what they are going through. Approach someone with courage and sensitivity that I could still be wrong.

What this outlet allows me to do is delve in to my own heart, write it out until I've got nothing else to say and then walk away. I can then lead the life God leads me to with maybe my burden a bit lighter because I feel like I've gotten something that might have been weighing on my heart out of my system. I don't share here for sympathy, pity or drama. I try to portray the truth of what I'm feeling in a responsible mature way refraining from exaggerations and drama to the best of my abilities. When I share something painful and that's the only glimpse in to my life you receive for that day/ week I would think it's natural for you to believe I stay in that state. I do not, God has placed in all of us an incredible resiliency due to His hope and joy through the Holy Spirit.

I've watched my family hurt and react to the multiple losses in our family with varying degrees of concern and hurt for them, ranging from the worry to shaking my head. Neither is supportive or positive and doesn't help me or the person struggling. I can't lead their life for them and I haven't made all the right choices or decisions either, so I believe the best thing I can do is love and support them. I should not judge their pain and reaction because it's not mine. Maybe it does look different than what I think I would do. I have sought counseling in the past for various hurtful circumstances that have occurred in my past. I have the utmost respect for counseling services. Should I wish to seek some one's professional unbiased opinion for assistance to guide me through a difficult situation I would do it without shame. I am not at this time. Not because I am superwoman or am afraid of admitting help. The Lord has not placed that on my heart at this time. My first counselor is Christ and the peace and guidance I receive from having a relationship with Him.

Everyone has external stresses in their life. We all live on earth and it will never be perfect and as we wish it would be. I have always had the philosophy to make the best of what ever life has handed me. I don't want to spend the precious time on earth complaining and wishing things were different. Unsolicited advice is a touchy area, isn't it? What if you really believe I'm not seeing something that you do in my life? I am very free with my opinion, when asked it may be some time before the other person has a chance to speak again. When not asked??? I believe there has to be love and trust in a relationship so that the truth doesn't come across as judgmental or condemning. Done in a way to really help the person can be incredibly effective. Done via email, phone or through a third person or someone I don't have that ground work laid and I risk coming across as self-righteous. Truth without love is too hard and yet love without truth is too soft.

I can handle the truth even if it says something I'm not doing something right, I don't pretend I am perfect. I welcome feedback and comments. If you don't want to place it here for public view, please feel free to email, call or talk with me. We are going through stressful situations, that's just a fact and if I didn't think other people had something helpful, genuine, and Godly to say, I wouldn't share it at all. These situations are opportunities to glorify God, to learn more about ourselves and other people. We know our lives will never be completely free of tough decisions. These times not only test character but reveal it as well.

Hi again

After such an entry this morning, I must update with a day I really thought about going back to bed and just waiting for tomorrow to come for a fresh opportunity. I was crying to Little House on the Prairie this morning, the hormones were definitely getting the upper hand for a bit there. I was thinking this morning, wow, I really need to get a job soon. Thoughts and feelings, still very real just weren't allowed to overshadow my day, not because of me. After searching since Mid-may ( with a break for vacation in there) I received a job offer today (actually more than one). I accepted one for a school working full time with 4 year-olds in the morning and infants in the afternoon. It's not a care center, even the infants class has curriculum and must be educational. The kids starting at age 2 and adults all must wear uniforms. This opportunity God chose to provide both emotionally and financially. This will ensure the down payment on the house and help to furnish a larger dining room table (right now we have room for up to 4 over to our house, if we use the folding chairs and get really friendly at the table). What spoke to my heart the most was that this position I had really been excited about and God granted it to me. God has been teaching us to follow His plans, His dreams for us. Thank you everyone for the sweet help via job leads, encouragement and prayers. Tears sprung to my eyes for God agreeing with a want and I am very thankful for this blessing.

I spent the afternoon with Amy and got to see sweet Rachel as well:


Went to the gym where my sweet conversation with Liesl is the only thing that had me staying on the treadmill for 25 minutes. Ever since the medical treatments, girl time is really quite painful. I didn't realize how blessed I was before.

Then Billy and I had dinner with Amy & Nathan who are hosting some out of town friends Rachel and Chris with their beautiful children, Kylee and Collin from Tennessee. We went to one of our favorite restaurants, Babe's!! I left with a full tummy which is rare for eating out. The manager very kindly came and told me everything that was in the food so I could make the decision on whether to eat it or not. I snapped the picture very quickly, it was past the children's bedtimes. They were very sweet none the less.


Today turned out to be a very good day filled with encouragement, friends and love. Goes to show I just can't give up on even a day, it all has to be given to God. I am seizing opportunities to have fun, being in the moment. I won't allow my life to feel as if it's on hold and that I won't be happy until things fall in to place. I read this morning after posting about Rachel and the life application section on lessons to learn from her life is that love is a gift to be received not something to be earned. I mess up daily in this walk and want the least amount of people to see the mistakes I make, but God does beautiful things with my messes.

Hello July

Hello to a new month and a fresh no. Traveling places gets my body out of wack in general and so I was late. It gets my hopes up more than I allow it anymore. It makes the no so much harder. It makes me want to retreat from the world so no one else is subjected to my ugly heart, to the neediness I know only God can fill, to passive aggressive attempts to fill me up, to the anger and the grief that is part of this roller coaster. I just need your prayers today. I need to go pray and read myself...

July Daily Bible Reading

Date	Old Testament	New Testament	Gospel
July 1	Job 21,22	Acts 10:1-23	John 1
July 2	Job 23,24,25	Acts 10:24-48	John 2
July 3	Job 26,27,28	Acts 11	John 3
July 4	Job 29,30	Acts 12	John 4
July 5	Job 31,32	Acts 13:1-23	John 5
July 6	Job 33,34	Acts 13:24-52	John 6
July 7	Job 35,36,37	Acts 14	John 7
July 8	Job 38,39	Acts 15:1-21	John 8
July 9	Job 40,41,42	Acts 15:22-41	John 9
July 10	Psalm 1,2,3	Acts 16:1-15	John 10
July 11	Psalm 4,5,6	Acts 16:16-40	John 11
July 12	Psalm 7,8,9	Acts 17:1-15	John 12
July 13	Psalm 10,11,12	Acts 17:16-34	John 13
July 14	Psalm 13-16	Acts 18	John 14
July 15	Psalm 17,18	Acts 19:1-20	John 15
July 16	Psalm 19,20,21	Acts 19:21-41	John 16
July 17	Psalm 22,23,24	Acts 20:1-16	John 17
July 18	Psalm 25,26,27	Acts 20:17-38	John 18
July 19	Psalm 28,29,30	Acts 21:1-14	John 19
July 20	Psalm 31,32,33	Acts 21:15-40	John 20
July 21	Psalm 34,35	Acts 22	John 21
July 22	Psalm 36,37	Acts 23:1-11	Matthew 1
July 23	Psalm 38,39,40	Acts 23:12-35	Matthew 2
July 24	Psalm 41,42,43	Acts 24	Matthew 3
July 25	Psalm 44,45,46	Acts 25	Matthew 4
July 26	Psalm 47,48,49	Acts 26	Matthew 5
July 27	Psalm 50,51,52	Acts 27:1-25	Matthew 6
July 28	Psalm 53,54,55	Acts 27:26-44	Matthew 7
July 29	Psalm 56,57,58	Acts 28:1-15	Matthew 8
July 30	Psalm 59,60,61	Acts 28:16-31	Matthew 9
July 31	Psalm 62,63,64	Romans 1	Matthew 10