Letters for my Sons

Here is the list I have come up with so far of the important values and life lessons I want to make sure I share with my sons (that includes any future children the Lord decides). We've had Nana and Papa in this week so I took a break from actually composing the letters and decided to make this list:

1. Love (check)

2. Forgiveness (check)

3. Gratitude

4. Disappointment/ Frustration

5. Trust (verse especially for the new baby)

6. Spiritual Warfare

7. Servant Leadership

8. Discernment

9. Integrity/ Responsibility

10. Friends

11. Every Man's Battle

12. Fruits of the Spirit

13. God's Plans (verse for Matthew)

14. Women

15. Sharing your Faith

16. Life Skills

17. Family Traditions/ Memories

18. Extended Family

19. Courage

20. Prayer

21. Generosity

22. Hope

23. Humbleness

24. Doubt

25. Anger

26. Lonliness/ Failure

27. Contentment

28. Spiritual Gifts

Letter #2- Forgiveness

Dear Sons,

How much the subject of forgiveness has touched my life. How I've journeyed, fought, struggled, come to peace and back again. When I think of the two most important characteristics I want for your lives, first was love, then forgiveness. No relationship- friend, family, wife can have an honest connection with out it. When the unspoken promises of loyalty and commitment are broken, so does some one's heart. When someone is looking more to their own interest to the detriment of others a relationship suffers. The very basis of the love God gives us is deeply rooted in unconditional forgiveness. Any idea, any opinion, any decision is rooted in truth if it begins with what God has to say about it. He has much to say about the topic as forgiveness is mentioned in the bible 143 times.

Mom got our the old bible dictionary which says it like this: "God's forgiveness of us is an act of His grace to forget and not hold people of faith accountable for sins they confess. It's His gracious act of God by which believers are put into right relationship to God and transferred from spiritual death to spiritual life through the sacrifice of Jesus." It's a beautiful definition, did it stir your heart? Did it make you want to run right out and forgive someone or convict you to confess a hidden sin? I want you both to beware of spiritual knowledge in and of itself. (1 Corinthians 8:1) Don't just learn biblical facts, lineage, law, geography believing those pieces of information will keep you right with God. Being 'right' with God is all about what He's done for us, not what we have done for Him. Only knowing that even our very best acts of selfless kindness are no where near to God's holy perfection can we relax and accept with a calm peaceful heart a beautiful gift.

There are many things I hope and pray for you both, but know above all else, I never expect either of you to be perfect. (Romans 3:23) You will not shock, disgust, anger or do anything to cause me to turn from you, stop believing in you or loving you. Just as you are God's child so am I. I know the freedom His truth provides. That solid promise I have believed and relied on continues to impact my life in the most profound ways. Feeling and having accepted His unconditional love, acceptance and forgiveness has healed my soul and still has the power to bring me to tears. No one and nothing else on earth can offer that core rock of solid foundation. Ask anyone who knew me before 2001 and after. There are vastly different stories. All of that change is due to God's presence in my heart alone. I'm far from prefect and with all due respect and the love I have for him, so is your dad. I have made and will continue to make many mistakes in my life born from all kinds of reasons. (Romans 3:10-12) I can sit and make excuses for my actions. I can even defend myself by making a list of my sins and my good deeds, praying the good outweighs the bad. (Romans 7:20) I can compare myself to other people who aren't trying to live a life for Christ to feed my need for superiority. I can say I'm just a good person, (Mark 10:18) but we brush up against a concrete definition of what any of these words mean. Not one of these attempts at hiding from the truth of our imperfection changes the fact that sin is in my life and always will be. As I write these letters I am doing so a student and constant learner. I am not an expert so I look to the one who is. I pray to have an open mind and soft heart to God's teachings in my life for as long as I live. So you may think to yourself why try? I'm never going to be able to impress God. We have to start thinking less of how reward based the world looks and see this idea through God's heart.

God's forgiveness is so easy, just ask Him. That's it, don't let anyone ever convince you that more is required. No hoops, no steps. Every act we do as Christians- being baptized, attending church, making tithe, helping others- is done because of the standard God has taught us. We do these acts to show our love in return, but never are they to earn anything from God. Not His favor, His trust, His forgiveness, His love or His acceptance of who we are. God has a will, plan and purpose for every child of His on this planet whether they chose to accept the gift of salvation or not. When we love God we are open to His direction, we seek to give back a small measure of the happiness He has given us. We can't keep the rules enough ever. I pray with everything I am that you both will accept God's truths first for your own sake, I know the difference it makes. Second, when we have fulfilled God's plan for us on earth I long to see you in heaven where we will all be together in eternity with Jesus Christ.

My sons, don't let anyone convince you that there is any sin beyond God's understanding. He has withstood every temptation known to man. God will understand, He will forgive. (1 Corinthians 10:11-13) It doesn't matter how horrible you think it is and how far outside who you thought you were or what you capable of doing. (Hebrews 2:18) You can't surprise God or tell Him any sin He doesn't already know. (Romans 8:35-39) I say this carefully, God already knows. He sees everything we do with love. We are simply stating what you and He both already know so as to have no hiding, no secrets, no distance between yourself and Christ. Guilt, feelings of unworthiness and pride can all wedge in there. Be on alert with the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-20) to fight against anything that tells you God wouldn't want you if He really knew, He already does.

What is a good deed, what makes a good person, what is sin? Breaking of these (Exodus 20 and Luke 10:27). God defines it all for us. We have to begin with God to have any idea of who to model our behavior after. God is your ultimate role model, your hero and your savior. These are the pillars of unshakable truth that are who God is and why He created humanity. God does stand for all that is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8). If He can forgive all, who are we not to follow suit?

So what do you do with this forgiveness God has given you? Keep it for yourself with all the great feelings of peace? (Philippians 4:9)No, everything we receive is to be shared with others. God has changed my life and I want other people to experience that change. I can't be Christ for them but I do represent Him. God didn't give us the salvation only to keep our love and gratitude for all He's done for us silent. No matter what the world tells you, God wants you to represent Him especially to those who don't know Him. It will come about in ways that He places in your life, sometimes His name will be mentioned in the conversation and sometimes it's just doing for others what God has done for us. Forgiveness is one of those things. God even says how many times. (Matthew 18:21-22) No one is counting to 77, keeping score. Forgive and share with others the freedom that brings.

What forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not excusing by considering extenuating circumstances. It's not pretending what someone did wasn't bad. It's not forgetting- only God can truly forget. Outside of amnesia, we will remember. We do chose not to bring it up or allow the hurt that occurred between that person to define their value. Forgiveness is not always the same thing as reconciling. Reconciliation requires that the offender still be alive and be sincerely repentant for the wrong they committed. Reconciliation requires the rebuilding of trust and that means good faith on the part of both parties. Forgiveness is not about allowing someone to abuse you in any way. It's not standing for verbal name calling. No one has the right to treat you with anything less than dignity and respect, period. No one has the right to touch you in any way you feel uncomfortable. No one has the right to put you down. These are extreme conditions but my sons I want you be on guard for anyone twisting God's truths in your lives.

Forgiveness is releasing the person from your anger. When you hold on to anger the result is bitterness, resentment and a cold heart. The other person has moved forward and you have have not. Forgiveness is letting go of the what if's/ if only/ should have/ could have/ would haves. It's accepting the reality and turning the new results over to God. Resist revenge regardless of other's actions, leave room for God's ultimate forgiveness, love, plan and justice. Every action has it's natural earthly consequences. Jesus says there is no sin that can separate us from the love of God that includes the person who has hurt you. I know it's hard to implement, depending on the degree of hurt it's not an overnight process. A few select hurts in my life have taken years to completely release and leave to God. Most through a few hours of praying and studying God's word. Some range in the days or weeks. It's a process and can go in circles, but never stop praying for God to work His forgiveness in your heart, no matter how long it takes. Don't go to bed angry. Unfortunately it will require practice. We live in a fallen world and there will be many opportunities to step outside ourselves. Be careful of the words you share about someone's character, everyone can have a bad day, act with out thinking and have areas of growth needed in their lives as well. When we learn better, we do better. Many hurts from others stem from a person's own undealt with hurt. I encourage you to be very careful with the promises you make yourself silently or outloud in a moment of hurt. They are rarely made out of wisdom. Negative emotions like fear, hurt, anger and revenge are powerful tools for satan. Don't let him win.

There are three books that along side the bible that have helped clarify forgiveness for me:

What's so Amazing About Grace? by Philip Yancey

In the Grip of Grace by Max Lucado

Everyone is Normal Until you Get to Know Them by John Ortberg - Chapter 8

With All my Love,

Mom

Letter #1 - Love

Dear Sons,

I'm sitting here sandwiched between yesterday being Dad and I's 6th wedding anniversary and the eve of Valentine's Day. These days have me thinking of the legacy of love I hope we leave our sons. I pray the love Dad and I demonstrate reflects for you both resembles what God intended for marriage. My sister, your Aunt Lisa passed away before you were both born and while your cousins were still very young. When the Lord calls me home at the time He decides is best for His reasons, I don't want things left unsaid. I thought about putting these in a book and one day I plan to transfer them to a scrapbook, for right now at the time in our lives with Matthew being 15 months old and little guy you're on the way, this is my line of communication.

So letter #1 my wonderful sons is about love. Remember first of all who loved us first and is love Himself. (1 John 4:16) Only through knowing God and His son Christ personally, passionately can love have a concrete definition that the world can not change with it's ever changing morals and views. God loves you so much He wants a relationship with you personally. You will never be rejected or left behind. Once you know that God loves you both so much that in the depth of your sins He sent His one and only son to suffer and die on the cross, you will not die but have ever lasting life with Him in heaven.(John 3:16) Please no matter how fast you can recall this scripture over time never take it for granted, never think it's not an enormous sacrifice. Let it always be a reminder of the value you have for the One who created the world; everything we see, hear, touch, taste and feel. Nothing and no one, not even the gap you might personally place between you and Christ can take that love, forgiveness, and salvation away from you. (Romans 8:39) It's always us humans putting the space there, it's never God. As it says in Ecclesiastes 1:9, there is nothing new under the sun. God know your heart and loves you just as much in the depths of your sin as when you are serving, worshiping or praying. His love can not be earned by outward behaviors nor forfeited by sin. The wonderful relationship between you and God is always very close through honest confession of your mistakes and receiving of His forgiveness. He always gives His forgiveness. Once that first relationship of love with Christ is right, you can be ready to have something of value, worth and substance to another.

God himself says that love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) I pray you both know love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18) and covers up a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). I pray you speak the truth in love. (Ephesians 4:15) I pray you know God's love alone is why you were both born (Psalm 139:13), why God has a plan for your future (Jeremiah 29:11), why you are here and the purpose God has for you (proverbs 19:21) in life and the only way you will be in heaven. (John 3:16)

Love between a man and woman as God intended is not a gushy racing of the heart, a momentary attraction or even a reaction of chemistry. Being a partner is the willingness to be responsible with their heart, body and mind. Choosing a partner requires using your moral compass along with your heart dedicated in prayer for the Lord to show you whom He has planned for you. Look to God for what is a deal breaker (Proverbs 31:10-31) Godly love from a man has the maturity, respect and patience to honor the woman God has chosen for you. Honor her heart by most especially her body before marriage. A proposal of life long covenant with a woman is not born of out of loneliness, fear, desperation or even because you know she will say yes. I pray you both chose a woman who will encourage, pray and help you become closer to God using your God given talents to help others and share the good news of Christ's love for humanity. I pray you will pray for her roles as wife, mother, daughter, friend and her spiritual growth. I pray you will love the Lord more than you love even this woman and she will love Him more than you. I pray as a mother this woman believes in you, sees the very depth of your heart and holds steadfast through the storms of life faithful to the promise they have made my sons in front of the Lord. I pray respect for my sons hearts, for their God given position as spiritual leader. I pray a grace giving tender heart with a short memory for past hurts.

Love above all things is a choice. An act of commitment, maturity and selflessness. Acting out love daily requires constantly putting aside one's pride, remembering with humbleness our own sins and failings. It's stopping and thinking before wounding back in return thoughtlessly out of own's own hurt. It's knowing for you men's hearts that the woman God has chosen for you, God also has a path for, she is God's child and He is working in her life both together with you and personally alone with her. The choice to stay a team, knowing you're in this together and the 7 letter D word never enters the conversation. Better or worse aren't hypothetical. No matter how old or young, clean slate or past relationship experience, what kind of family you came from, what your faith is or educational level you WILL have troubles. There will be attacks from satan. He will use anything and everything to attack, create division, distance, spite, hard hearts in your marriage: the outside world, your extended families of origin, friends, your children, your own hearts, minds and each other. I pray a fortress of protection for your marriage, you WILL need it.

These three remain: faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13) This verse is so near and dear to my heart. I have worn the ring with those words since my 30th birthday. Both your Aunt Lisa and Aunt Leah have the exact same ring. The giving and passing on of this ring has a much longer story I'll tell you both one day.

With all my love,

Mom

P.S. I came across this list and wanted to attach it here: Ten Secrets to a Happy Marriage

1. God has you here to serve one another. Love acted out is serving.

2. Women need respect and nurturing. Love your wife so she knows you’d lay down your life for her. Continue to date her and admire her. Share a hobby – find something you can do to have fun together.

3. Laugh often

4. Be patient. Love crumbles quickly under the weight of unmet expectations.

5. Spend more time trying to fix yourself than your spouse.

6. Keep short accounts. The Bible says “Do not let the sun go down while you are angry.” Make it a habit to forgive.

7. Determine up front that divorce is not an option

8. Leave about love languages. Not all people show love or receive it the same way. You want a back rub and your spouse wants a clean kitchen. The love languages are fairly simple: acts of service, time, physical touch, gifts and words of affirmation. Learn them. Love is better received when it’s in the language that person speaks.

9. Words of affirmation are a love language for all men.

10. Men are born to be leaders. He cannot lead unless she gives him the confidence to do so. If you love your husband, build him up. Confident men do not seek love outside the home.

Matthew: 15 months

Sleep:

He sleeps 12-13 hours at night from 7pm to 7:30 or 8 am. There are more days of 2 naps (about an hour and a half each) than one. When he does only take one, it's for two hours. We decided after some discussion with little brother coming, he will stay in his crib until he gives us an indication that he can climb out on his own.

Clothes:

I just changed his closet out to 18 month clothes over the weekend. The pants were getting too short and the shirts too tight. The 18 month pants have to be rolled, but it's better than high waters. . Shoe size is 5 to 5 1/2. I bought him a pair of sneakers last month and he brings them to me every day to put them on. Size 3 diapers still. He got two shots today- the MMR and HIB. His stats are 24.9 pounds (50th percentile) height 33 inches (90th percentile). Head circumference 19 3/4 inches.

Food:

He eats three meals a day with one snack. He uses a spoon at every meal. Two more teeth came in this month. He now has eight teeth- top four front, two bottom molars and 2 bottom front teeth. He is currently working on two top molars. He enjoys putting the toothbrush in his mouth every morning. He is completely on sippy cups, no more bottles :-) Style attempt 4 was successful and still in place. He does still like most of his liquids warmed up, water, milk and what we call juice but is actually flavored water - 95% water and 5% juice. He just started willingly drinking straight water in the last week.

Typical/ favorite meal choices:

Breakfast - waffle and grapes with half a cup of milk

Lunch - steamed veggies (broccoli, carrots, peas) with juice

Snack - 2 gerber graduates ( fruit chews, yogurt melts, wagon wheels, crunchers) with juice
Dinner - what ever we eat (with the exception of most meats, not a fan. We supplement beans for the protein) followed by his nighttime milk cup.

Socially/ verbally:

He is shy with new adults or those he doesn't see regularly. He relaxes within about 10 minutes if the person continues gently. When it's new children, he's fine right off the bat. He only has a few words down, dr said typical for boys. His current words are: dada, mama, ball, animal noises, niye niye( night night) mumbles for an extended period of time as though he's holding his end of a conversation. I've been reading basic baby books with just pictures and words below for recognition and repetition.

Progress on our baby sign language. He will do all done and more while eating. So we've started working on thank you and please now. Waves bye-bye

Developmentally:

Very curious about objects. The dr said today his fine motor is advanced. He really likes to see how things work.

Crawling up the stairs. He will hold my hand and will go downstairs sitting down together.

Walks well even with shoes on and runs a bit crooked.

Rolls a ball. He will clap on his own and high five people. He can stack multiple blocks. He can scribble.

He has started pointing to an object he wants.
Successfully mimics our facial expression, sticking tongue out, tries to wink, it's hilarious! Also repeats some animal sounds.

When he gets just a little hurt he scrunches his face up with out actually crying. He doesn't cry unless he's seriously hurt.
opinions are forming and compliance is a work in progress. We are working on some basic structure, time outs, eye contact.

He's tall enough now he can reach the drawers above the doors in the kitchen/ bathroom.

We are working on concepts like hot/ cold. Up/ down. Labeling things. Asking preferences.

He will smile and giggle when asked if he wants something to show he does.

Personality:

Matthew is a very loving fun little boy. Once he knows something makes daddy or I laugh he will repeat it with a gleam in his eye. Matthew gives hugs and kisses often. If either one of us is laying down on the floor, he will come over and just lay his head down and be still next to us. It's only for about 5 seconds that he's that still, but oh so sweet! He has a blanket he prefers and will carry that around and also use as a toy around the house. After our trip over Christmas we did start letting him watch a you tube video of Silly Songs with the Veggie Tales. He likes to help. I'll safely put him on a chair next to the cabinet and he will watch me cook dinner. He will get our real vacuum attachments or his play vacuum and work along side Billy when he's cleaning the house. He helps me put the clothes in the dryer when I take them out of the washing machine. Matthew beams when he succeeds at a task, we'll say 'you did it' and he's just one big smile. He is starting to show frustration more when something he's attempting is not successful. He enjoys swinging, sliding, playing in the water and outside. His favorite toys are his cars, blocks, trucks, train set, riding and push toys. He likes piggy back rides, being chased, tickled and tackled. Matthew's favorite book to have read to him is Larry the Cucumber's "I Can Be Me" which is short, funny and ends with a scripture. I already have it memorized.

Matthew highlights:

Let's see since 12 months....

First airplane ride. It wasn't fun and since I'm not a big traveling person we can live with out it until the boys are much older. Say, after he and little brother are both completely verbal and potty trained :-D It will be worth it when it's a trip they are excited about and are old enough to look back and remember when they are grown.

Matthew began walking the week of his first birthday and is very confident now. His running is a little sloppy and over excited but that doesn't stop him from trying.