Hope

On my two trips to the Ukraine it's the first thing I noticed they were missing. Hope, that twinkle in their eye. The thing in our souls that tells us everything somehow in some way will indeed be all right. Despite what ever hardships we're facing. It's a word I wear on my finger and a word Billy and I have discussed quite a bit in our journey. A new year, a fresh opportunity to be happy for others. I have bowed out of a couple of baby showers because my sorrow I'm sorry to say eclipsed me being able to be happy for others to attend and I hurt a friend in the process. I should be selfless enough to set my own feelings aside. As I had written for many years on my computer at work. "Don't be too lazy to learn or too arrogant to think I don't need to" So I learn it's not worth losing friends over. Pain can be a catalyst for good. It's a glimpse in to our character and foundation. A choice to become embittered, beaten, hopeless, angry, hardened, guarded and withdrawn or to look towards the Lord for guidance and do better, fresh hope, forgiveness in ourselves and others, more compassionate, giving the benefit of the doubt and to initiate and reach out. My other hope is, I'm a couple of days late. Even if this turns out to be nothing, I just want to honor God and rise up instead of curling up in disappointment over no #20. To attend this next month's baby showers what ever my personal circumstances are and truly only from the strength of God support and encourage these women.

Romans 5:1-5
Peace and Hope
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Gifts

My intangible gift this year was definitely a reminder of peace and contentment with Jesus regardless of what we know we want and don't have, we are very blessed. I pick these books up and read as needed. They are on loan to me by a sweet dear sister who understands what we are going through. Thank you, Liesl.


Special tangible gifts were many. First one was from my husband. When I came back from the ladies retreat a couple of months ago, he borrowed my journal to see what I had experienced. The little elf also made a note of all the songs I wrote down that we sang that weekend and compiled them all on a CD he made for me. The thoughtfulness and encouragement of my walk with Jesus is the best leadership quality my husband has and he definitely touched my heart and made me cry with his thoughtfulness.



The other cry moment was my mother when I gave her and my step-dad the family quilt I made. It definitely, like me, has it's flaws. But as my mom says " I made it with my own two little hands", it was a very sweet and I'm glad she enjoyed. I actually pieced the front together and made a duvet out of the back due to time constraints.



Touching moment was when my mother in law gave me a necklace they bought on a trip to Australia some years ago for her mother who passed away this year.



Funny moments are many, including Billy's parents giving us both old jeans with a clever card telling us to dig deeper for the "real" gift underneath. Our whole family was very generous and kind to us this year and we are very blessed to have all of them in our lives. My nieces Joan and Ashley gave me and their mother replicas of dolls we used to play with as children. She really does smell like strawberries :-)

Joy

What sweet encouragement :-)

Admission into Joy©
PSALM 30:11
You took away my clothes of sadness, and clothed me in happiness.

The first step to joy is a plea for help, an acknowledgment of moral destitution, an admission of inward paucity. Those who taste God's presence have declared spiritual bankruptcy and are aware of their spiritual crisis. Their cupboards are bare. Their pockets are empty. Their options are gone. They have long since stopped demanding justice; they are pleading for mercy....
They ask God to do for them what they can't do without him. They have seen how holy God is and how sinful they are and have agreed with Jesus' statement, "Salvation is impossible."
Oh, the irony of God's delight-born in the parched soil of destitution rather than the fertile ground of achievement.
It's a different path, a path we're not accustomed to taking. We don't often declare our impotence. Admission of failure is not usually admission into joy. Complete confession is not commonly followed by total pardon. But then again, God has never been governed by what is common.

Christmas Eve

Looking forward to getting together with family tonight, sharing meal, each other's company and gifts.

The Christmas Story


Pictures of Billy's grandmother his uncle saved from when she passed away this last January. Billy's mom brought a CD with tons, such great family history.

What Christmas is all About

Our mom and dad on Billy's side of the family got in town today. I'm always so grateful that they drive 8 hours to come see us :-) We went and looked at Christmas lights. I pray everyone has a blessed day remembering the birth of our savior. May your time with family and friends be truly blessed.

"Go into the street, throw a rock at someone, you will make them angry. The emotions of love, empathy and laughter are much harder to trigger, but since they operate on a deeper level, they bring a much greater reward. "

O'Neill: I've always been fascinated by Christmas. When we were really young, my friends and I were walking home in New York City on Christmas Eve, when suddenly we heard the slamming of brakes. We turned around just in time to see two yellow cabs sliding into each other.

The two drivers got out of their cars: one looked like a longshoreman, the other like he just got off the boat from a foreign country. My friends and I were kind of nervous, thinking there would be a fight. Any other day of the year, it would have been World War III with blood on the street—especially in New York City. Instead, the first guy says, "This is completely my fault; let me pay for it." The other guy responds, "No, this is something I could have gotten in any parking lot." Next thing you know, they're looking at pictures of each other's kids, talking and joking.

So at a really young age, I learned there was something about this day that makes people more compassionate. Then you look back at history. During many wars, both sides would stop fighting on Christmas Eve—even the Korean War, when one side was largely non-Christian. It's an incredible day that works magic on the individual and national level.

Merry Christmas :0)

I've been sick lately, first a cold then a mirgraine over the last week. I'm feeling better in time to get everything done the weekend before Christmas :-)) What's been on my heart lately is value and security. I really enjoyed our Sunday morning bible class lessons lately on the Kingdom of God. It's one of those things I've known before, and when it's shaken I need the reminder. When I start seeing my value in anything except for God I'm sunk.

I really enjoy these songs, hope you do too.

More family Fun!

Here's also a few more pics of the family from last weekend :-) Our family is notorious for hiding from the camera/ and or sticking their tongues out. So, here's what is left that is good!

My cousin, Jenny with her husband Kevin and son Ashe.


Ashe opening gifts, he was really sweet to watch


Louis & I on a four wheeler, my aunt and uncle have 90+ acres


It really was a fun time with family.


Okay, I get a kick out of finding fun stuff on other people's blogs. So click here, hehe. In case you're wondering where the green faces came from, the original picture was taken 3 Halloweens ago when we were Shrek & Fiona :-) I thought the green might be more elf like.

The joy of Family

We had a great weekend filled with family this weekend.

Friday night was Sydney's play, they did "A Christmas Story". She played Skut Farkus (Happens when you have more girls than boys willing to act). She did a great job!


Saturday, we drove out to Detroit, TX to spend the day with my mom's side of the family. Here are a couple pics:

Billy and I


Grandma, Mom and I


Billy and my brother, Louis


Grandma and her five children (Auntie Debbie, Uncle Danny, Uncle Donny, Auntie Donna and my mom)


I took a ton of pics of my cousins little boy I'll post later.


We had a very powerful sermon yesterday. Our preacher is going through "The Couples of Christmas" Last week was Joseph and Mary. This week was Zechariah & Elizabeth. I was excited seeing the couple listed in the bulletin knowing it would speak to us. What I underestimated was just how strongly it would speak to our hearts. Only one other time have I walked out of a sermon beause the emotions were too intense (I'm not a quiet crier). It was a cathartic release of sorts. I tend to try to out think my emotions and bypass the actual dealing. God doesn't usually let me get away with it.

Looking forward to the errands I have today, Christmas shopping, lunch with a friend. I'm so blessed to have this additional time and I couldn't do it without the support of my husband :-)


After some looking around, I found Locks of Love. Children have a soft spot in my heart. Some people like curly hair or I could donate it straight... got plenty of time to decide as I grow it out.

Every Season is a Season to Give

I am looking for opportunities quite frankly to be less self focused and to help someone else. I have more time then money right now, but I think that's what getting in the Christmas season is really about. It's what makes this time of year so special. Everyone starts really thinking about those closest to them to figure out the perfect gift. We finally take the focus off what I'm planning, want, don't have etc. When I look around and start listening to other hearts I finally have perspective that it's not just about me and what's going on in my life. I was listening to KLTY and their Christmas Wish program. Listening to the hurt and struggle out there brings tears to my eyes. The only way to give and be a light for Jesus is to put the focus where it needs to be. I've been struggling with this, so I welcome your comments on ways to help this and any other time of the year. We do have an orientation to go to Sunday morning and are filling out ways to serve there. I really miss being involved. We tried unsuccessfully for months at our old church, I really hope we can feel needed here.

Fork in the Road

I've been working on this post for a few days, not exactly sure how to articulate what's on my heart these days. Here is a peek.

The effects from the IUI are not good. Whether it's an infection or my body just not comfortable and accepting of this process, we won't be trying again with help like this. I could make a doctor's appt, but since I'm being truthful I don't like going and I'd much rather self diagnose. ( Yes, I can feel the cringing. Believe me Brooke and Amy, Billy has tried.) So three roads lay before us, keep trying, adopt or keep our family at Billy and I.

I've always dreamed of carrying and giving birth to a child. With the way my body has reacted to medical issues in the last couple of years including the IUI this last month, I'm starting to think it might not be best to try and carry a child. I'm not sure if God is asking me to give this plan up or asking me to have faith and wait. I waited until my 30's for Billy. If it's a pattern of waiting and how great and worth every second of that time for Billy I'd do it. Abraham, Isaac & Jacob all had family growing doubts and issues as did Zacheriah & Elizabeth, Elkanah & Hannah. I don't think I'm doing very well opening my hand for him to take this. If I'm completely honest, it would feel like the death of a specific wish and dream.

I don't want to appear ungrateful for just a different way of being a parent. I know there's no shame in adopting. A child is a gift from God whoever's smile and eyes that baby has. I also know there are many children in my life who have touched my heart deeply and can't imagine loving them more regardless of who gave birth to them. I can see how God has worked on my heart for several years working with emotionally fragile children at camps, shelters, teaching Sunday school, children's home, foreign orphanages, VBS... Seemingly unrelated service projects that felt helpful at the time. I know God has a plan and a future and has been preparing us for that. I know a child placed in our home would not be a consolation prize, but a wonderful blessed gift from God, that he would trust us with someone else's child to raise knowing Him who might otherwise not.

God has blessed my life with Billy. I would never want him to feel as though he wasn't enough for me. That my life wouldn't be complete otherwise, anymore than I would want him to feel that way either. I would just pray for the contentment, peace and acceptance in what ever God has planned for us.

We continue to pray...