I've cross posted these last couple of posts because the topics have a direct impact not only on our family but our daily learning process through homeschooling as well.
It's only fair after talking about the celebrations of childhood, that I share a post that is not about achievement, success, resources or advice. This is what I call one of my cathartic, just for me, wordy posts. The kind I convince myself no one reads so I can just process in words and move forward. To be honest, I'm struggling here. I've hit a point in parenting that's got me praying, seeking, searching, talking, hoping and crying for guidance. I read articles like this or this and many others searching for how to raise our boys to glorify God and want to be with Him for ever in Heaven.
God has graced me with two beautiful boys who are incredible. I have no doubts God will use my 3 year old for His great purposes. He has a strong will, persistence and don't take no for an answer personality. He's a leader, he's smart, he's creative and he views obstacles as challenges to overcome not a reason to change course or his mind. I love my son with everything God gives me in parenting. I know God equips me and my husband along the way. I've been at this impasse before from baby to toddler and now that's it's preschool to little boy, I'm lost again. It's not the first and it won't be the last transition with growing pains for our whole family. We do have a 20 month old too who I am sure will give me a run for my money with his smile, extroverted personality and charm that snares everyone around him.
I've asked moms ahead of me in this journey. I pray, I read my bible, I read parenting book after parenting book. I'm sorry to debunk the flowery sentiment but my love is not enough. Hear me out, before you shake your head. I am a selfish, broken sinner. Left to my own devices I raise my voice, I grit my teeth, I act spontaneously and re-actively. I doubt, I get insecure, I question.everything.
Every child is different. There is no systematic approach that works with every child. There is just the basic need for a Savior. There is the recognition of humbleness in the face of my child and to apologize when I fall short of the being calm, in control with faith, love and grace in responding to my child. It does not weaken my authority to admit I'm wrong. I've been a kid, I knew when my parents messed up. Me admitting it is just being honest and saying what we are both already thinking. In those moments I live out the scriptures that God is made perfect in my weakness. Because man, I. am.weak.
This isn't an all out pity party or seek of attention or passive aggressive reassurances. God gave me, like everyone else strengths, other experiences, other advice and ways to reach and comfort others. If this isn't yours, I ask for grace and to recall what yours are and treat mine with the same tenderness you'd want when you're feeling broken and helpless.
There are definite seasons of life- seasons of encouragement, joy, hope, celebration and also of discouragement, desperation and failure. Nights/ weeks/ months of interrupted sleep, days of disobedience and no naps. Minutes, hours, days of serious boot camp intense character training for both me as the parent and my children. Taking, pushing, yelling, screaming, temper tantrums, name calling, lying, rebellion, lack of cooperation, disobedience. It's those moments when nothing seems to reach my child. Not tough love, not empathy, not boundaries, not the most recent parenting book approach ( love and logic, love languages, etc) It's just the commitment, loyalty and love to the little person who I KNOW is inside there struggling too. I know my child. We spend every day together. He's capable of being sweet, caring, thoughtful, smart, resourceful, funny, playful and plain irresistible. He will ask "Are you happy, mommy?" if he hears my throat get choked up and my voice get soft because I'm trying not to cry. He has a tender hearted mommy, oh the irony. He's in there struggling alone. I feel like I don't know how to help him out of this. I am trying to walk him through these moments, to understand himself, God and the world around him and the wall is solid and heartbreaking.
I put my adult mommy boots on a trudge forward. I have a mission. I have boys to love. I have men to raise. This task is not for the weak, the lazy, the easy, comfortable. After 3 years of praying, crying, begging the Lord for a child, I have two amazing sons. I couldn't be more thankful. It was not an easy road to get here after two failed adoption attempts and a failed reproductive procedure. I pray constantly to be faithful to the calling of parenting. His light is for my path, each step. He doesn't provide the answers for the entire walk nor is he obligated to share outcome ahead of time. Deep breath now. Step, trust, love, give. Fill myself up daily with the love of God.
There are just those seasons where adult life and parenting life are both a hard struggle. I pray to teach my children grace because it's the only way they'll ever understand Jesus. Also, because selfishly I KNOW I need it from them through out their life. Anyone can get children to obey through force, absolute authority and sternness. At my core, I believe there is a way that shows respect and love to my child in teaching, correcting and training.
Also if the majority of our interaction is just rules, correction and discipline, where is the relationship of family? If I have my guard up all day long looking for mistakes, where is the connection? There are many other nuances of communication necessary for a healthy functioning family like encouragement, listening, understanding, instruction, teaching and prayer as well as others. Warnings, rebukes and corrections are necessary especially in these younger years but they are not isolated or communicated with out love.
Our Anniversary
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Friday, May 25, 2012
Mission of Motherhood
This last month there have been several opportunities to talk about being a mommy. Mother's Day, Time article on Parenting and I've started a book called Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. We're also making educational decisions for the fall, experiencing new milestones and reminiscing over the end of the school year. This first year of preschool has been such a precious special time with Matthew and I am so thankful for how we have walked through this year. I have both witnessed and participated in some earnest parenting discussions. Some were positive, passionate, focused and biblical, a couple were not. The more people that we share ideas with, the more likely that what ever we are opposed, have a negative opinion of, aren't well versed in regarding or are allowing previous perceptions, limited exposure and fears cloud what is positive for one family, we hurts others with our negativity.
Motherhood for many women is taken very seriously thankfully. I whole heartily believe we need to be intentional, committed and enthusiastic in the direction God is leading individual families. It's going too far, when we have to insult, condemn or attack someone else's parenting style. We chose to see only the pitfalls, the extremes or our fears. God's will is different in each family, we are not made to be cookie cutter- systematic- representation of a flat God.
I'm on Chapter 4 of this book and it's been just the refreshment and encouragement I have been needing. I'm so thankful God has lead me to the these ideas not only honoring and encouraging traditional motherhood roles, but also in keeping with our priorities of God first, then our spouse, then our children. Our children can not be our idols. They are not made to bear the burden, pressure and unrealistic expectations to prop us up and give us our self worth, identity or fulfillment. By the same token, they are our first and most important disciples. We are charged to be be good stewards over these incredible human beings God has entrusted us to raise.
Introduction- Hearts and Hands, highlight for me....page 3. "the fundamental mission of motherhood now is the same as it always was: to nurture, protect, and instruct children, to create a home environment that enables them to learn and grow, to help them develop a heart for God and his purposes, and to send them out into the world prepared to live both fully and meaningfully. It's up to us to embrace that mission as our own, trusting God to walk us through the details and to use our willing mothers' hands as instruments of his blessings."
Chapter 1- A Journey like no Other, highlights for me ...bottom of 13 to top of pg 14. "Through our teaching and influence, morality can be learned and modeled, love and kindness are taught and received, purpose and vision are ignited and passed on.
The real ability of a mother to secure such a spiritual legacy is based on the strength of her relationship with her child. As we tenderly care for our children, meeting their needs, teaching them and guiding them, praying for them and modeling our faith, we are also anchoring their hearts to our home, our values, and our beliefs. These ties are built over a period of many years, through the small ways we spend the minutes of our days and large ways in which we celebrate the momentous events of our lives.
The mother who reaches the heartfelt needs of her children by helping them feel loved and secure, by believing in their dreams, by noticing when they stray and gently steering them back in the right direction, and by teaching them what they need to know to live full and meaningful lives accomplishes a great work for the Lord.
As I have thought about these issues for many years, I have come to picture the heart of each child as a treasure chest. Each chest is empty and needs to be filled with the riches of unconditional love, spiritual nurture, and the emotional heritage of family and traditions; with mental stimulation that comes from excellent sources of truth, morality and inspiration; with a sense of physical and emotional security; and with guidelines for all of life, including purpose, relationships and proper behavior. "
Chapter 2- Beautiful by Design, highlights for me ...page 21. "Few things will last after we die, but our children and their children will live throughout eternity."
page 29. "As a free- spirited person who generally thinks outside the box, I have found deep fulfillment and satisfaction in exercising my gifts, strengths, and personality to bless my family, neighbors, and friends from the strength of my home. Establishing my house-hold as a place in which the greatness of God and a devotion to him is lived out each day has given me focus. Loving my children and nurturing their hearts and minds while training their characters and leading them to know the Lord and his purposes has satisfied my soul's need for purpose...the common purpose for all women is to glorify God in whatever circumstances and boundaries of life we find ourselves, trusting him to show us how we can best use our gifts. "
and page 34 " Because children are not considered important enough to occupy the lion's share of a mother's time.....the responsibility of instilling morality, conscience, intellect, emotional stability and spiritual understanding is relegated to day care, teachers and schools, the media (especially television) and peers. Emotionally, spiritually, and often physically as well, children tend to be left to their own devices- left to flounder for love, purpose, and meaning in a culture that values time, efficiency, and measured productivity above the real needs of a human being. Consequently, children feel exploited and demoralized and act out their frustration in numerous negative ways....With out a strong supportive structure for passing down righteousness, the morals of the culture become relative to the personal fulfillment of those within the culture. "
Chapter 3- The Undivided Heart, highlights for me ...pg 42. "It's (motherhood) as absorbing task that demands all the resources God has given us- our physical energy, our intellectual abilities, our creative gifts- and involves powerful emotion attachments as well. page 43 "Children do not accidentally become righteous leaders or emotionally healthy and productive adults.... Someone needs to take responsibility for their nurture, protection, nourishment, intellectual development, manners, recreation, personal needs and spiritual development. Someone needs to commit time and energy into staying close to them as they grow, encouraging and correcting and teaching. "
This thought through pages 44 and 45 "I spent much of my mental energy thinking about when I would have more time for myself and my own interests.... my commitment to motherhood verses my lurking desire to have life my own way... I needed to nurture my children with my songs, my words and my physical labor, treating each day as sacred in their development toward becoming healthy, mature adults."
Page 46 "What we have gained in lifestyle options and material goods we have lost in terms of time, flexibility, peace and personal attention."
page 49 "embracing God's call to the duties of motherhood doesn't diminish my abilities to use my gifts, strength and training, but fulfills a part of God's design. Loving my children, protecting them, and building them into a godly heritage is a life's work worth far more than any money or status I might find in a career. If the mother who gave her children life is not willing to do what it takes to provide security, love, protection, instruction, and stability for her own children, when who will be willing to do so?"
page 51- "In the absence of biblical convictions, people will go the way of the culture. Without biblical conviction, the tendency is to blindly accept the norms or standards of the people with whom we spend time. That means we can allow the media and our peers to shape our ideas about motherhood and family instead of basing our decisions on the eternal truths of scripture."
page 53 "To fully experience our fulfillment in Christ and fulfill his will in our lives, we must come to the point where we give our whole selves to him- our freedom, our time, our bodies, all our possessions and gifts- trusting him to show us how to use all the we are for his glory. "
page 54 "How do we make the commitment to give the area of motherhood over to God as a sacrifice of worship to him? We yield our personal rights into his hands. We give up our time and expectations to him- and also our fears and worries about how we will manage. We trust him to take care of us and our family. We let him redirect our thinking and expectations and adjust our dreams. And we wait in faith to see the fruit of our hard labor in the lives of our children, knowing the he will be faithful to honor our commitment to him. "
Chapter 4- The Servant Mother, highlights for me....page 63 "I've come to appreciate the importance of the many thousands of routine moments in a mother's life, for it is in these moments that real greatness tends to be taught and caught. It is certainly important to grasp the great calling of motherhood and respond to a vision for what a family can be. But it's the way I respond to my children in everyday moments that gives me the best chance of winning their hearts. If I have integrity and patience in the small moments of life that are so important to my children, and if I approach them with a servant's heart, then I have a far better chance of influencing them in the larger and more critical issues of life."
and page 66 is what I just read yesterday...."When we choose to graciously overlook our children's messes and accidents, we are teaching them to be patient and forgiving with the mistakes of others. When we react sensitively, thoughtfully, and patiently to them, we are helping to instill these qualities in their lives. them. As they benefit from our unconditional love, they learn to extend it to others as well. As they watch us extend hospitality, care of others, and pray for them, they learn to make service part of their life. As they observe us searching Scripture, spending time with the Lord, and making faith-based decisions, they learn these things as well. Modeling loving service to our children gives them something to emulate in their own lives."
Motherhood for many women is taken very seriously thankfully. I whole heartily believe we need to be intentional, committed and enthusiastic in the direction God is leading individual families. It's going too far, when we have to insult, condemn or attack someone else's parenting style. We chose to see only the pitfalls, the extremes or our fears. God's will is different in each family, we are not made to be cookie cutter- systematic- representation of a flat God.
I'm on Chapter 4 of this book and it's been just the refreshment and encouragement I have been needing. I'm so thankful God has lead me to the these ideas not only honoring and encouraging traditional motherhood roles, but also in keeping with our priorities of God first, then our spouse, then our children. Our children can not be our idols. They are not made to bear the burden, pressure and unrealistic expectations to prop us up and give us our self worth, identity or fulfillment. By the same token, they are our first and most important disciples. We are charged to be be good stewards over these incredible human beings God has entrusted us to raise.
Introduction- Hearts and Hands, highlight for me....page 3. "the fundamental mission of motherhood now is the same as it always was: to nurture, protect, and instruct children, to create a home environment that enables them to learn and grow, to help them develop a heart for God and his purposes, and to send them out into the world prepared to live both fully and meaningfully. It's up to us to embrace that mission as our own, trusting God to walk us through the details and to use our willing mothers' hands as instruments of his blessings."
Chapter 1- A Journey like no Other, highlights for me ...bottom of 13 to top of pg 14. "Through our teaching and influence, morality can be learned and modeled, love and kindness are taught and received, purpose and vision are ignited and passed on.
The real ability of a mother to secure such a spiritual legacy is based on the strength of her relationship with her child. As we tenderly care for our children, meeting their needs, teaching them and guiding them, praying for them and modeling our faith, we are also anchoring their hearts to our home, our values, and our beliefs. These ties are built over a period of many years, through the small ways we spend the minutes of our days and large ways in which we celebrate the momentous events of our lives.
The mother who reaches the heartfelt needs of her children by helping them feel loved and secure, by believing in their dreams, by noticing when they stray and gently steering them back in the right direction, and by teaching them what they need to know to live full and meaningful lives accomplishes a great work for the Lord.
As I have thought about these issues for many years, I have come to picture the heart of each child as a treasure chest. Each chest is empty and needs to be filled with the riches of unconditional love, spiritual nurture, and the emotional heritage of family and traditions; with mental stimulation that comes from excellent sources of truth, morality and inspiration; with a sense of physical and emotional security; and with guidelines for all of life, including purpose, relationships and proper behavior. "
Chapter 2- Beautiful by Design, highlights for me ...page 21. "Few things will last after we die, but our children and their children will live throughout eternity."
page 29. "As a free- spirited person who generally thinks outside the box, I have found deep fulfillment and satisfaction in exercising my gifts, strengths, and personality to bless my family, neighbors, and friends from the strength of my home. Establishing my house-hold as a place in which the greatness of God and a devotion to him is lived out each day has given me focus. Loving my children and nurturing their hearts and minds while training their characters and leading them to know the Lord and his purposes has satisfied my soul's need for purpose...the common purpose for all women is to glorify God in whatever circumstances and boundaries of life we find ourselves, trusting him to show us how we can best use our gifts. "
and page 34 " Because children are not considered important enough to occupy the lion's share of a mother's time.....the responsibility of instilling morality, conscience, intellect, emotional stability and spiritual understanding is relegated to day care, teachers and schools, the media (especially television) and peers. Emotionally, spiritually, and often physically as well, children tend to be left to their own devices- left to flounder for love, purpose, and meaning in a culture that values time, efficiency, and measured productivity above the real needs of a human being. Consequently, children feel exploited and demoralized and act out their frustration in numerous negative ways....With out a strong supportive structure for passing down righteousness, the morals of the culture become relative to the personal fulfillment of those within the culture. "
Chapter 3- The Undivided Heart, highlights for me ...pg 42. "It's (motherhood) as absorbing task that demands all the resources God has given us- our physical energy, our intellectual abilities, our creative gifts- and involves powerful emotion attachments as well. page 43 "Children do not accidentally become righteous leaders or emotionally healthy and productive adults.... Someone needs to take responsibility for their nurture, protection, nourishment, intellectual development, manners, recreation, personal needs and spiritual development. Someone needs to commit time and energy into staying close to them as they grow, encouraging and correcting and teaching. "
This thought through pages 44 and 45 "I spent much of my mental energy thinking about when I would have more time for myself and my own interests.... my commitment to motherhood verses my lurking desire to have life my own way... I needed to nurture my children with my songs, my words and my physical labor, treating each day as sacred in their development toward becoming healthy, mature adults."
Page 46 "What we have gained in lifestyle options and material goods we have lost in terms of time, flexibility, peace and personal attention."
page 49 "embracing God's call to the duties of motherhood doesn't diminish my abilities to use my gifts, strength and training, but fulfills a part of God's design. Loving my children, protecting them, and building them into a godly heritage is a life's work worth far more than any money or status I might find in a career. If the mother who gave her children life is not willing to do what it takes to provide security, love, protection, instruction, and stability for her own children, when who will be willing to do so?"
page 51- "In the absence of biblical convictions, people will go the way of the culture. Without biblical conviction, the tendency is to blindly accept the norms or standards of the people with whom we spend time. That means we can allow the media and our peers to shape our ideas about motherhood and family instead of basing our decisions on the eternal truths of scripture."
page 53 "To fully experience our fulfillment in Christ and fulfill his will in our lives, we must come to the point where we give our whole selves to him- our freedom, our time, our bodies, all our possessions and gifts- trusting him to show us how to use all the we are for his glory. "
page 54 "How do we make the commitment to give the area of motherhood over to God as a sacrifice of worship to him? We yield our personal rights into his hands. We give up our time and expectations to him- and also our fears and worries about how we will manage. We trust him to take care of us and our family. We let him redirect our thinking and expectations and adjust our dreams. And we wait in faith to see the fruit of our hard labor in the lives of our children, knowing the he will be faithful to honor our commitment to him. "
Chapter 4- The Servant Mother, highlights for me....page 63 "I've come to appreciate the importance of the many thousands of routine moments in a mother's life, for it is in these moments that real greatness tends to be taught and caught. It is certainly important to grasp the great calling of motherhood and respond to a vision for what a family can be. But it's the way I respond to my children in everyday moments that gives me the best chance of winning their hearts. If I have integrity and patience in the small moments of life that are so important to my children, and if I approach them with a servant's heart, then I have a far better chance of influencing them in the larger and more critical issues of life."
and page 66 is what I just read yesterday...."When we choose to graciously overlook our children's messes and accidents, we are teaching them to be patient and forgiving with the mistakes of others. When we react sensitively, thoughtfully, and patiently to them, we are helping to instill these qualities in their lives. them. As they benefit from our unconditional love, they learn to extend it to others as well. As they watch us extend hospitality, care of others, and pray for them, they learn to make service part of their life. As they observe us searching Scripture, spending time with the Lord, and making faith-based decisions, they learn these things as well. Modeling loving service to our children gives them something to emulate in their own lives."
Monday, January 30, 2012
Starting Early
My other favorite parenting resource had a great article today I wanted to save. I question sometimes how much Matthew comprehends at this level. This was just the encouragement I needed!
I'm sharing a condensed version here with a main point and the scripture reference.
Top Ten Reasons Parents Should Start Early Making Disciples
I'm sharing a condensed version here with a main point and the scripture reference.
Top Ten Reasons Parents Should Start Early Making Disciples
The Bible reminds us of this fact, “and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” 2 Timothy 3:15. Here are ten reasons why you should start early:
10. You will develop in your children an appetite for Scripture. John 1; “In the beginning was the Word. The Word was with God and the Word was God.” If you wait until your children are older, you will meet some resistance.
9. Appetites developed early in life stay with you for life. Cultivate an appetite for entertainment that is Christ honoring! You can make better choices for your children and give them lifelong God-glorifying appetites. Take full advantage of that opportunity.
8. Your appetite for God’s word will grow. As you begin to feed on the Bread of Life frequently, you will develop an appetite for God’s word. As you begin to share Scripture with your children, they will soon enjoy the traditions of godly living you establish by focusing on Christ and His Word.
7. Your child will develop a preference for the sound of your voice.There are many voices that will compete for your child’s attention. Will you train your children to love the messages on ungodly television programs and videos? You are called by God to make disciples of your children. As you obey that calling early, your child will tune in to your voice and the voice of the Master.
6. Your child will develop a heart for serving others. As you do what Jesus did in taking your disciples into the world to minister to others, your child will see in action the way Jesus impacted the world. As you pray for a sick friend, your child will learn to pray for others. As you share your testimony, your child will learn to be a witness.
5. Your relationship with your child will deepen early; that will pay lifelong dividends. Jesus was constantly with His disciples. He asked questions to know them better. He focused on each one. He taught them all day long. He showed them how to minister. He protected them. He laid down His life for them. In summary, He loved them. The result was deep relationships with His disciples, and they changed the world for Him.
4. You will become better equipped now in making disciples. As you begin the task of making disciples, you will begin to grow. You will become a better teacher. You will seek out resources to help you improve. You will begin to impact your world around you. Then as your children reach their teen years, you will have grown into an excellent disciple-maker.
3. You will make better lifestyle choices earlier. When you respond to the Lord’s command to make disciples, you will begin to make better choices about the way you spend your time and other resources. Choices about your jobs, your debt, your possessions and your entertainment will be centered around your decision to make disciples. Your desire to glorify Christ will impact the way you live.
2. You will reduce or eliminate teen rebellion. Extra effort invested in young children will pay huge dividends as they become teens. In spite of the world’s message that teen rebellion is normal, many Christian families do not experience this modern-day phenomena. Instead of losing years or even decades to unproductive, harmful behavior your child will be more likely serve the Lord early in life.
1. Making disciples early will align your family with God’s priorities earlier. Jesus showed us how to make disciples and then commanded us to do what He did. The earlier we begin to take up the task of obeying Christ, the sooner we can experience the abundant life the Jesus promised; “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly” John 10:10.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Economy
Thought I posted this... found it still in my drafts today 11/4/08
NOTICE: This post is an editorial. This entry has been in the works for a bit which might in part explain its length. I don't have to convince myself not many people will read and that's okay. I leave you with this as we unhook the computer and move:
I've had some thoughts on the economy lately which isn't normally an area that provokes me to deeper thought. For instance, Billy pays our bills as dealing with money on a day to day basis stresses me out and I express my appreciation for how he handles that area of our lives as often as I can. Normally I tend to be one of those people that if I can't change it, I don't stress about it. Everyone has their opinions on what the problems are with the nation's economy and how to fix them so I'll throw mine there in the heap. The opinion I'm about to share made quite a bit of sense to me as someone who struggles with perfectionism.
The economy is like it is because we are all living a lie. Pretty strong stuff I know, but something about this idea kicked in with me on a deeper level. The view point being offered is as Americans we buy houses, go on vacations, accumulate toys, keep up with the latest fashions while putting these things on credit that we can't afford because we want to maintain an image. Whether it's a comfort shopping spree or an addiction that you turn to when down, maintaining an image is all about appearance. To me this process is another way of saying I want to be perfect or at least successful, wise, someone of worth. Also it says I'm not happy enough and feel strong enough about how God made me to just relax and be who I am.
In my humble opinion, we buy things we can't afford for many reasons, topping the list of justifications is we feel we are due these material items. We buy in to the marketing of "you deserve it", "you're worth it". We aren't victims of this marketing campaign, we choose to buy in to the theory. It's the same way Americans twisting the rights spoken about with respect and maturity in our historic government founding documents. We can sound more like rebellious teenagers somehow feeling constrained and victimized by rules and regulations needed to have a functional society. So we rail that everything costs so much but continue to buy it because we 'have to' have it.
If you've wisely saved and can in fact afford to pay for things without going in to debt this doesn't apply to you. What does it mean to afford it? Not stressing your budget, can still afford to save? That alone is where it's a subjective definition. Some may feel as though they are surviving and that's enough. For those who can't truly afford these things, they feel entitled to them anyway or maybe convince themselves they need them to feel worthwhile. So they over extend themselves with credit cards, the outrageous ARM's (adjustable rate mortgages) that is the bane of the sub prime mortgage fiasco and find themselves now leveraged to the hilt. The ARM issue I had the opportunity to see up close working in the mortgage industry for a few years. Loan officers wanted to make their goals and commissions so customers got approved on the teaser rate instead of the ceiling rate of their mortgages. That means 5-7 years down the road when your rate starts climbing, you are beyond your means. Tag that with the overall declining values of homes and you're stuck. Still peddling to make it appear as though we can handle what we have gotten ourselves in to. We bought something we couldn't afford so the people in that company could buy more stuff they can't truly afford. Living pay check to pay check, using credit cards to pay bills only to barely make enough money to pay the minimum on the credit cards. I realize this is one scenario and there are many out there, individual to each person as to why they are in financial dire straits.
When does it become a ding to some one's character to say, I'm not going to buy that right now, I can't afford it. When did shame get wrapped up there? OR how about I do like that, I'm going to save up for it. I liked the ladies retreat where the speaker asked us all to look to our neighbor and ask... what's so bad about being wrong? We can say in theory no one's perfect and we all have a need for Christ and we all nod and smile to that. It's all together different when the specifics are mentioned. Then my pride kicks in, the walls come up and my justifications begin.
I know these are strong opinions, which I'm usually hesitant to unleash for fear that something I might say would offend or hurt someone else's feelings. I'm not an expert but have had my own financial struggles about ten years ago where I learned the value of education in regard to money. I highly recommend Crown Financial Ministries. I have taken it twice, the second time being in our regular small group format, it was great. That course was a huge eye opener about the responsibility God gives us in regard to being good stewards of HIS money. Two of the most memorable lessons being my worth isn’t in possessions, and nothing really belongs to me anyway. Not growing up with a Christian financial perspective, it made an impact.
What I'm passionate about in this context is the sense of entitlement. I believe this attitude erodes our sense of appreciation. We question everything scanning for perfection which we will never know this side of heaven. Feeling owed sounds like it puffs up ones own sense of self. What am I giving back, if it's all about me? Basic necessities are food, water and shelter. There are responsible things to provide that come next such as health and life insurance. If we want more, let's make sure we are keeping it truthful. It's a want, it's not a need. God can give us the opportunity to be a steward over more. Just as the bible talks about each servant being held responsible for a different number of talents. I am not owed them and God can appoint some one to be a steward over them just as quickly. The parable talks about everyone being given at least a talent in the beginning, so I didn't do anything to earn that one. What I chose to do with it tells God how much more He can trust me with. Neither our worth or identity should bet wrapped up in acquiring them of having them.
Billy and I have had more than one conversation about the new house, affordability, responsibility, and being a good steward over it wanting in our hearts to use it for God's purposes.
What our nation's current situation has reinforced with me is to make sure I teach my children how to be financially responsible adults. I really enjoyed this article. I wanted to make note of the highlights here:
1. Set a good example.
2. Learn about money yourself.
3. Teach them one thing at a time.
4. Kids learn best by doing.
With these principles in mind, here are 11 lessons you can use to teach your kids about money:
1. Give them control of money.
2. Teach them the value of saving.
3. Teach them the value of giving.
4. Teach them how money can make money.
5. Teach them that cutting expenses can make goals come faster.
6. Teach them how to create a budget.
7. Teach them to pay bills.
8. Teach them about the dangers of debt.
9. Let them work for their money.
10. Teach them about materialism.
11. Teach them about impulse buying.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Expectations
Since I've started using Flock as my web browser, I've broadened my spectrum of blog reading. Since their system scans all the feeds and lets me know only who has new entries I spend half the time looking to catch up with friends. So I've found in my searchings several infertility, adoption blogs (along with some gluten blogs, grief, wonderful Christian women opening their hearts, etc) . The infertility ones have started to make me feel more sad. I began to wonder why that was. This is my own experience and personality talking. It starts building in me a sense of desparation. Scraping for a way to make it happen. Maybe it's just in me time to completely move forward. To close the door. Maybe that's unrealistic, I can never close the door of the grief and loss I have had of family members passing. It's a continual journey. In my own battle it brings up control, as if I have control. That I just haven't found the right procedure, medication, (excuse me for getting personal) position to conceive a child. When did it become all about me and my efforts? I can only do my part, check there. So the rest is up to God. I don't know that if I tried IVF if I would get another infection or not as I did from the IUI. Adoption so far has been no less of a wait, no less vulnerable than our efforts to try to conceive. It definitely seems different for everyone at what point they are ready to start looking at other ways to become a parent.
If I knew the outcome it wouldn't require faith. I can confidently state that I know what God can do. Does that mean He will do that for us? Only He knows how our path to parenthood will end.
I think about what kind of parent I want to be. I want to be a parent that cares more about their spiritual, moral and emotional development than being their friend. Yes, I want to protect my children from harm but I do not want to protect them from the consequences of their own mistakes. I don't want to be their best friend yet I want them to feel loved. I want to prepare them for adulthood and all the decisions and responsibilities so they can be productive members of society. I want them to know I am there for them no matter what decisions they make in life. Mostly I want them to have a personal relationship with God, to know in their hearts they are loved, forgiven and accepted by our Heavenly Father. To live a life that is pleasing to God, not full of perfect choices but one full of thankfulness, appreciation, a heart for others and recognition of their own sin. I don't want the American dream of college, marriage and 2.2 kids. My dream for them is fulfillment and success according to God's standards. Nothing is wrong in and of itself with doing/ having the american ideals unless that's their top priority and goal. I would want my children (especially a little girl) to know true beauty is reflected in the way we treat others not on our exterior appearance to have self respect for herself enough to dress modestly and to not turn to boys for her identity or worth. For a boy to know their value isn't in how much money, how successful they are. I do not want a spoiled child that I am afraid to stand up and be the adult, parent and discipline. I pray when those moments occur to do so in love and with the heart to teach not punish. I pray to give them more of me and less of stuff. I pray they will have the consideration, manners and respect, to be humble and sure of who they are in Christ. A quiet strength that doesn't need to be felt by bragging of accomplishments, putting others down, judging, having the right answers, wearing the right clothes.
Are the already mothers just smiling and shaking their heads? Aren't we the most idealistic, hopeful, optimistic we can surpass any challenge of a task on the brink of it? Why else would we attempt college, marriage , children?? I approached college with the most positive I can do it all attitude. I completed two years, took the courses that interested me in childhood development and was happy with the knowledge I gained there. Does that mean I stopped learning after that?No, my education just took on more on the job training and life experiences than I first envisioned. Marriage is definitely worth every effort. It is effort for two individuals to merge their lives together no matter how much they have in common. No two people will agree on everything. Billy and I try to learn something from our disagreements, it feels like it's less in vain that way for us. We believe it's an opportunity to work on an area of our relationship. Anything rewarding requires hard work and sacrifice. The initial infatuation stage with the obsession is just the beginning of what becomes better and different. I enjoy being at the 4 year stage with Billy, the way we know each other and yet still continue to learn. Does our relationship look and feel like what I thought it did when we were engaged looking towards our marriage? Yes and no. We are human and we both make mistakes, I work on showing Billy unconditional respect every day. The level of communication, intimacy, appreciation, feeling of being a team and having my best earthly friend beside me leading me towards the Lord is priceless.
If I knew the outcome it wouldn't require faith. I can confidently state that I know what God can do. Does that mean He will do that for us? Only He knows how our path to parenthood will end.
I think about what kind of parent I want to be. I want to be a parent that cares more about their spiritual, moral and emotional development than being their friend. Yes, I want to protect my children from harm but I do not want to protect them from the consequences of their own mistakes. I don't want to be their best friend yet I want them to feel loved. I want to prepare them for adulthood and all the decisions and responsibilities so they can be productive members of society. I want them to know I am there for them no matter what decisions they make in life. Mostly I want them to have a personal relationship with God, to know in their hearts they are loved, forgiven and accepted by our Heavenly Father. To live a life that is pleasing to God, not full of perfect choices but one full of thankfulness, appreciation, a heart for others and recognition of their own sin. I don't want the American dream of college, marriage and 2.2 kids. My dream for them is fulfillment and success according to God's standards. Nothing is wrong in and of itself with doing/ having the american ideals unless that's their top priority and goal. I would want my children (especially a little girl) to know true beauty is reflected in the way we treat others not on our exterior appearance to have self respect for herself enough to dress modestly and to not turn to boys for her identity or worth. For a boy to know their value isn't in how much money, how successful they are. I do not want a spoiled child that I am afraid to stand up and be the adult, parent and discipline. I pray when those moments occur to do so in love and with the heart to teach not punish. I pray to give them more of me and less of stuff. I pray they will have the consideration, manners and respect, to be humble and sure of who they are in Christ. A quiet strength that doesn't need to be felt by bragging of accomplishments, putting others down, judging, having the right answers, wearing the right clothes.
Are the already mothers just smiling and shaking their heads? Aren't we the most idealistic, hopeful, optimistic we can surpass any challenge of a task on the brink of it? Why else would we attempt college, marriage , children?? I approached college with the most positive I can do it all attitude. I completed two years, took the courses that interested me in childhood development and was happy with the knowledge I gained there. Does that mean I stopped learning after that?No, my education just took on more on the job training and life experiences than I first envisioned. Marriage is definitely worth every effort. It is effort for two individuals to merge their lives together no matter how much they have in common. No two people will agree on everything. Billy and I try to learn something from our disagreements, it feels like it's less in vain that way for us. We believe it's an opportunity to work on an area of our relationship. Anything rewarding requires hard work and sacrifice. The initial infatuation stage with the obsession is just the beginning of what becomes better and different. I enjoy being at the 4 year stage with Billy, the way we know each other and yet still continue to learn. Does our relationship look and feel like what I thought it did when we were engaged looking towards our marriage? Yes and no. We are human and we both make mistakes, I work on showing Billy unconditional respect every day. The level of communication, intimacy, appreciation, feeling of being a team and having my best earthly friend beside me leading me towards the Lord is priceless.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)