Ladies Retreat 2008 Part II

Session 3
Isaiah 43:10, Romans 12:2, John 16:13-14, 2 Timothy 1:14, Jeremiah 33:3, 2 Timothy 1:6Deuteronomy 34, Joshua 2 & 6, John 4 What keeps us from experiencing the full power of the Holy Spirit? Tradition, trust, lack of obedience, fear of the unknown, giving up control, pride, family, rejection. So we were challenged to ask ourselves some questions:
What's holding me back?
What am I going to do about it?

Galations 5:16-26 Be willing to follow through and be consistent, trusting, courageous, time in the Word.

6 women then volunteered from our church at that point to get up in front of the rest of us to share specific incidences in the way the Holy Spirit had spoken to their hearts. Had I been more courageous, I would have shared when Billy and I in our small faith asked God to let us knew He heard us. The next morning in service during prayer time, Teresa Shaw approached us and said God told me to come tell you he hears you. We don't believe in coincidences. We believe in the Holy Spirit. We asked and God answered. We were very humbled by the experience.

Saturday afternoon during our free time, I had an unexpected talk with a cherished friend who I've known for 5 years and I'm so blessed that God has drawn us to the same church. I treasure her friendship and know that God is in that relationship. She really helped me get my head and heart around the image and authenticity that's been on my heart. Saturday evening, I had the opportunity to share with some other girls about what we have been going through. The conversation went in that direction as they began to share what year plan they were on. 2, 5 or 10 years until they planned to have children. I paused when asked what our plan was and spoke slowly praying that God had placed this conversation at this time and place for me to say that it's God's plans. We can lay out the most well meaning intentions, but the control and trust is with God.

Sunday morning:

Shirley Marble spoke and talked about bowing to an untamed God.

Galations 1:13-17, Jonah: all, Isaiah 63:11, Exodus 13:21-22
Jonah was by far the most convicting scripture reading for me to hear. He believed that Nineveh was not good enough for God to save. God replied as he does with authority just like with Job when all was taken away, also to the Pharisees and Sadducee's. Who am I to judge or question? Did I create them? Are they my children? Have I known them before they were in their mother's wombs? I think it's infinitely interesting that He was much more harsh with those who knew His word and yet had a hard heart then with those who just stumbled searching for Him. I hate thinking I only knows the words and not His heart. Hosea 6:6
She challenged us if something was laid on our hearts to act on it, reach out to who ever the Holy Spirit is drawing you towards. The more you say no, the quieter the voice gets and the easier it gets to tune His voice out.
Luke 13:23-24, John 14:25-27, Mark 6
She left us with the challenge to leave in joyful urgency.

I know I'm missing something, but I'm pretty tired and need to rest so I can get things done tomorrow. I need to get the portfolio finished for the adoption agency so that birth mothers can look through for potential matches. The sheer weight of this project has my procrastinating perfectionism stepping up at a time it needs to shush.

Ladies Retreat 2008

I got home this afternoon our Ladies Retreat. I personally really enjoy times of pulling back, relaxing and rejuvenating. I know after those times my heart is more open, more full of God's grace and peace and my love for others looks more like God's for a time. Our theme was "Bloom with Abandon" a discussion of our walk with the Holy Spirit. Vivian Vance walked us through both the Old and New Testament in regard to the Holy Spirit and how He works in our lives. She took all the mystical wierd assumptions we might have had and answered with God's word and heart. Some of this I'll try to tie in later. Nuggets (or in this case whole chickens full) of truth I walked away with are:

Session 1
The Holy Spirit is about living with the most powerful life source in every cell of my body. Whether or not I look you in the eye, I have a relationship with people. First of all How do I know for sure it's God's voice? The kindergarten answer? It's biblical truth and it's positive. How do I know it's NOT the Holy Spirit's leadings? It's negative, angry or has hatred in the message.
The scripture references are:
Genesis 1:1-2, Exodus 31:3, Numbers 11:17, Deuteronomy 34:9, Judges 16:13, Ezekial 36:24-27, Isaiah 59:20-21
In these Old Testament verses God spoke first through the Spirit then when Christ came through Him who had the Holy Spirit.

Session 2
At this point she asked us to have our own quiet time and reflect on how the Holy Spirit was involved in our:
birth
baptism
temptation
ministry.

Matthew 1:18, Luke 4:1, Isaiah 61:1, Luke 4:14

We then went in to small groups to discuss these themes. My group consisted of me and one other woman (couple of other women hadn't made it). I admit I glazed over my answers at first, not knowing this woman. I was not sure how to broach this topic that for the majority of my life hasn't been clearly understood. I had no logical reason to trust her with my life, my flaws, my mistakes, or my struggles. There is no past history, no building of trust. I was justified right?? (tongue placed firmly in cheek) I start talking out of nervousness. I shared some very general stories, you know the safe church stories that show I have faith and make me look good. When I ask how this dear woman answered, tears came to her eyes and in that instant I felt like a fraud. I knew I had shrunk God to a safe answer and was so worried about my image that I forgot I'm in a safe place. If I can't be real with my church family, where? (it's a theme that's been on my heart for some time now, true authenticity) I felt tears sting my eyes and I was convicted to listen as I was captivated by her heart before she opened her mouth. She spoke from her soul and I was encouraged to do the same. Neither of us was embarrassed by our hearts, by the pains we shared or the mistakes we admitted. I felt safe, loved and encouraged by a woman I had never met before who showed her vulnerability by the tears shining in her eyes and I wished I had been the courageous one first. This was church, this was Jesus with skin on.

This is my own journal from the weekend... read at your own risk. You can end here or just skip down to the song lyrics but I'm feeling empowered:
Image cracks me up. I spend all this time sizing up other people to determine how much "me" they can really handle. I try to imagine a church full of me's. Cautious, logical, safe. No one saying anything out of place, making the right answers, with the correct general statements. Where does that go? If my life hadn't hit any major road blocks I could have probably existed in my pseudo safe place for who knows how long. Slowly dwindling, growing less dynamic, challenging, or alive. Wear the right clothes, have the right hobby's, go to the right restaurants...doing the drill. Then BAM! MY plan isn't working? What? I did it right, I met and married a wonderful Christian man. We had a plan, didn't God hear our plan? It was well thought out, logical, safe and moral. Okay, don't freak out, no cracks remember, don't let them see you sweat? That doesn't show faith. You'd hate to be called insecure or anxious, that means something about your faith too doesn't it? *Breathe* Okay, no big deal, just suck it up and tough it, God will come round right? Because I'm obedient and I'm a good christian. For how long, do I just grit my teeth? This isn't a superficial wound that will pass in a week, not to minimize other hurts. The worst thing that happened to you is still the worst thing that ever happened to you. It's not a contest of who has been through the worst or most. My flesh is week, my heart is hurting, crying and two years is a long time living in pain. So, then the mask and the image and plans all shift. The questions raise up... No, don't ask those, God will just take care of you.. (pat on the hand, now cross your hands, smile and don't be too noisy). Where's my church? Where's my help? What will they think? Where is just a hug? When God is prying my fingers open slowly from my clenched hand holding my dream one finger at a time. I don't need someone else adding to the list of do's and don'ts added already to the voice of doubt inside of my own head. I need comfort, I need prayers. I'd never make it as a Jew or a gentile. I'm not going to pretend that I can live up to the hundreds of laws they are required and have no grace. Sheer will power and self control are going to earn me my way to heaven? Who am I kidding? Fear and threat of condemnation will never motivate me to raise to a higher standard of dying to myself and living from someone else. I can't answer the call of the Holy Spirit in my life as the voice of condemnation is drowning Him out. If I'm going to err on one side, either too many laws or wild grace then grace wins, God says so. Or there's the gentile path. No thank you, tried that. I'm too aware of my flaws to pretend I'm not in desperate need of a way to heaven outside of myself through Jesus. If I'm wrong about everything else, I've got my salvation and nothing takes that away (cringe away satan, that's right) I'm done allowing satan to keep me boxed in scared, safe, logical, smart, worldly. All this wild God talk, someone is going to think I'm one of those bible thumping holy rollers.:-O Good.

I'll blog later about Saturday nights session, lights out after dark discussion and as well as Sunday morning's lesson. Also, note to self, never really did justice to the Retreat I went to in February because of the death in our family. So I need to give that equal time. For now, this song playing in my mind all afternoon:

Holy Spirit, Dwell In Me

Holy Spirit dwell in me
Touch my eyes that I might see
All your goodness grace and pow'r
Stay beside me ev'ry hour
Be my drink, be my living bread
Keep me sheltered, keep me fed
Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit dwell in me

Holy Spirit comfort me
Let my heart be one with Thee
When I'm worried soothe my mind
Let me sweet contentment find
May I run this wicked race
Filled by your amazing grace
Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit comfort me

Holy Spirit rescue me
Set my soul completely free
Beside Jordan make my bed
In God's bosom lay my head
Let me live in a brand new place
See my blessed Savior's face
Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit rescue me

Blue Ribbon

I spent the last few days mulling this idea over in my head about spending more time in my area of strength instead of belaboring my weaknesses. It's such a daily tear down apologizing and feeling guilty or feeling as thought I have to explain for who and what I'm not. I will never be comfortably outgoing, etc.. This video says it far better than I could. Even if a person hasn't said it lately, God says it all day long to our hearts and souls. Have a truly blessed day knowing God created you exactly as he intended. He could have made us all look, sound, feel alike and have the same opinions, thoughts and actions, but He likes that we are different and who are we to disagree?:

Who I Am Makes a Difference

Happenings

Friday I finished Rachel's quilt, here's the back that I hadn't shown yet. I gave it to her Sunday after church and Rachel sat and named off all the characters on the front, it was really sweet :-) (If you click on the picture, you can see a larger version and more detail)


Saturday my niece Ashley and I went on a college campus tour as she is finishing up her junior year and it's time to think about colleges. It was a very fun morning spent with a young lady who is quickly becoming a beautiful woman. I can't believe I'm old enough to have a niece who will be in college in a year.


I then met up with Billy, Mike, Teresa and the kids for Kyle's flag football game. He's 6 years old and it's super cute watching him figuring out everything as this was his 3rd game ever to play.


Then off to see our actual floor plan in person to feel what the space would be like. We were not disappointed :-) Their model home/ office for this particular neighborhood is a different option of exterior than we chose, so our house won't look exactly like this. My favorite things about this floor plan are that all four bedrooms are upstairs as well as the laundry room. We'll convert the study to a play room downstairs when we have children.


So after getting up at 5ish, we got home from the last activity about 4 pm and I immediately fell asleep for 3 hours... wwhhheee

Our Sunday night small group started a new series based on a book called "Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti". It's a series I haven't' been exposed to before so I'm looking forward to it.

Speaking of small groups, this last Wednesday was my favorite one in the book we have been studying "Praying the Names of God". The name that we looked at this last week was Yahweh Tsuri or the Lord, my Rock.

Reflect on: 2 Samuel 22:2-4 and 1 Samuel 24:1-13
Praise God: For being Your Rock
Offer Thanks: For the way God has delivered you from enemies
Confess: Any times in which you have retaliated against others
Ask God: To give you the humility not to strike back when someone offends you

It was such a powerful reminder that God is our defender in all things, to all let His love and forgiveness dictate our reactions when we feel offended. I am able to look back in my life with enemies of a much bigger "E" and only through the grace and power of God has he led me to forgive and have peace in my heart when that's the last thing I wanted to do. In the end, God takes care of all things. I'm glad life isn't fair or I wouldn't be able to go to heaven. I don't really want justice when it comes to my own mistakes, I want mercy from my heavenly father through His son and I'm called to carry that out to others.


Ladies Retreat this weekend, I so enjoy them :-)))

New Look

Thank you to my sweet husband who took the challenge to freshen up the blog. I took off my links cause I wasn't sure it would erase them or not. We'll try a few other looks before deciding, but he's sooo sweet! I love you honey :-)

Christian

BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTER

By Maya Angelou


'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess..

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect
My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!


Pretty is as Pretty does... But beautiful is just plain beautiful!

The new Lot

This week has been ...... interesting. I was in a funk for the first half of it to the point of tears. I couldn't quite put my thumb on what exactly was bothering me so much. There were a few things I was frustrated, disappointed with what was developing but in the end everything turned out well. I feel as though I've taken a turn around that bend what ever it was. It was one of those times that if the exact same scenarios had happened at any other time I wouldn't have been fazed. Sunday I felt awful and missed church, but was okay enough by 6 that evening to have small group at our house. Sometimes I just need to veg, usually once every couple weeks or Billy gets teary overwhelmed wife (doesn't that sound like fun for him?). It will probably bother me until I know exactly why I was in that frame of mind. In the mean time I shall let it go and enjoy the fact that I'm not feeling rejected by everything and that my heart is not so fragile.

Thursday and yesterday were the highlights of the week. Thursday I was able to see some old Prestoncrest friend and made a couple new ones. If you ever have the opportunity to do Apples of Gold, ladies, run, don't walk. Yesterday, while I was attending a planning meeting for the ladies retreat (Greenville Oaks ladies, sign up :-)!), Billy played paint ball with some guys from our church. I am really enjoying the sense of belonging. I hesitate to brag on our church, for fear someone else will think I'm comparing, but I'm really bragging on God. He does wonderful things through many churches and I'm just blessed to be able to view some of His work. I'll just say we always have room for more friends and I believe it's a God thing that God has brought us to where we are. I wouldn't be where and who I am without God working through the many wonderful Christian people I still continue to draw inspiration, encouragement and love from daily. I digressed,where was I? So, after the planning meeting, we met the realtor and signed on our lot :-)

A double bonus found out it was five houses down from some friends. Hi Jill & Tim! (Or as I say often since my mouth moves faster than my mind, Till & Jim). We spent a couple of hours making all kinds of choices, that was fun I have to admit. When Billy and I got married, he already owned this house. This next one will be ours :-))

Then we had sweet Rachel for the night so her parents could celebrate reaching four years of marriage. Congrats Amy & Wes! I am not just being kind in saying Rachel was an angel. She is so loving and joyful. We went over to some friends house with more than one misgiving, since she is 2. It was really best case scenario, she charmed everyone and once we got home, laid down and went to sleep. We actually managed to show up to church early, don't ask me how that happened. My camera battery was low and I was in a hurry, but this is the pic that I got of her this morning before we left for church. She wanted to play with the camera:


Oh my gift to Amy.... Recycling. It's the one thing she asked me to make a plug for on my blog and since she graciously allows me to hog her child, I will happily comply. I didn't even know Billy does separate our trash until I brought home a brochure Amy had. Also watching John and Kate plus 8 was convicting, if that woman has the time with 6 year old twins and 3 year old sextuplets, I really should get my show on the road. Amy and Kate also both eat organic foods when ever possible, something worth looking into. Preserving the best for future generations and refraining from putting pesticides and growth hormones in our bodies, sounds like a win-win to me!

House Hunting

Billy and I spent Friday night and Saturday afternoon house hunting. It was exciting to approach the next step in our lives knowing the house God leads us to will be where we bring home our children and raise them. Mom, here's some of the pics you wanted to see of what's out there!

Ryland Homes:

Their model home gave me some decorating ideas :0)


Paul Taylor Homes:

Here's the staircase I just thought was great!


Bowen Homes:

This floor plan was the most whimsical. I've never seen a master closet lead to anywhere and this one lead to a game room.

K Hovnanian Homes:

This builder had the most open feel, most square foot for the dollar and the location was great. We look forward to where God will plant us :-)

By the way our realtor is amazing with how she's dealt with us. We know so many great ones either personally or came highly recommended through friends, it was a hard choice. Thank you Nikki!

Thoughts

I've been too busy lately to really sit down and sort out my self in my head. Sometimes it takes physical proof to show me I'm stressed. Today I was exhausted due to not being able to go to sleep til 4 this morning and when I did awake, it was with a headache it took 6 hours to get rid of.

With my inability to sleep last night, I ran across a dozen adoption blogs and resources. I found books to read to children at any level to help them process and accept how they came to be a part of our family. Billy had a good point, his concern as the head of our family is to provide and this move will do that. We will have more than enough room to grow a family. I sit and think about how we'll help her handle her adoption. How can I help her bypass the female insecurity roller coaster of body image or male dependency? Purity and integrity? How do I encourage a powerful prayer life for our child with an understanding of God's will that involves an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ as their Savior? I've always thought about the scripture in Luke 2:52- "And as Jesus grew up, he increased in wisdom and in favor with God and people." Wisdom, both spiritual and educational. In favor, that he lead his life in a way that he was loved and respected with both God and men. I see ahead a wonderful and incredible task of rearing a child who will be dependent on me to be their example. It's a weight that I recognize and pray about and know I can point to them the only perfect example they will ever have in Jesus Christ.
Here are the top books I'm interested in. What I Couldn't find on the net but have heard about is a tummy mommy book, anyone heard of it?




I actually unknowingly bought this one, seeing the scripture in the inside fold at the store, and got a great surprise upon reading it, that it was a kangaroo's search for a child and how she came to care for a little bird as her own:




I want to be positive in the changes of our home, in adding to our family and in Billy thinking about other job opportunities. I believe it's the more positive approach to make the best out of the situation, see the good coming out of it. At the same time, change no matter how possibly good, takes an adjustment. Our prayers are to glorify God regardless of the results, to understand we are a small part of God's intricate plan. I pray to not take control from God, to not be anxious and to trust. Just because something may bless us, doesn't necessarily mean it is or isn't God's will in a bigger picture sense. I was having a conversation this evening after small group with my friend Katy and it reminded me church isn't about what I get out of it or even what I think about it. It's not this analytical deconstruction and critique of a pastor's delivery. I tend to approach life like that in general, in an objective detached point of view at times. I hesitate, I weigh a situation and then determine my course of action.

My perspective check is.. am I glorifying God? Is my relationship with God alive and am I seeking Him? Do I listen to Him through His word and prayer? Am I at the same spiritual maturity I was at even last year? Is the church I'm attending serving God in His way that God spells out in the bible? Am I keeping the salvation issue THE salvation issue or am I adding on to it in my head? Am I using the gifts from God back to His people? Am I compassionate with people? Do I live out a life that reflects who I belong to? Am I risking? Making myself vulnerable? How much time has to pass before I take the chance to just reach out? Is "building trust with time" a fancy way of convincing myself it's okay to play it safe and never risk possible rejection? How many times do I only share prayers for other people and not really share of myself? Not really letting people know what's going on except for a safe place behind a computer where I don't have to see your eyes...

April Daily Bible Reading

April

Date OT NT Gospel Reading
April 1 Judges 6,7 Luke 8:1-21 Luke 1
April 2 Judges 8,9 Luke 8:22-56 Luke 2
April 3 Judges 10,11 Luke 9:1-36 Luke 3
April 4 Judges 12,13,14 Luke 9:37-62 Luke 4
April 5 Judges 15,16,17 Luke 10:1-24 Luke 5
April 6 Judges 18,19 Luke 10:25-42 Luke 6
April 7 Judges 20,21 Luke 11:1-28 Luke 7
April 8 Ruth 1,2,3,4 Luke 11:29-54 Luke 8
April 9 1 Samuel 1,2,3 Luke 12:1-34 Luke 9
April 10 1 Samuel 4,5,6 Luke 12:35-59 Luke 10
April 11 1 Samuel 7,8,9 Luke 13:1-21 Luke 11
April 12 1 Samuel 10,11,12 Luke 13:22-35 Luke 12
April 13 1 Samuel 13,14 Luke 14:1-24 Luke 13
April 14 1 Samuel 15,16 Luke 14:25-35 Luke 14
April 15 1 Samuel 17,18 Luke 15:1-10 Luke 15
April 16 1 Samuel 19,20,21 Luke 15:11-32 Luke 16
April 17 1 Samuel 22,23,24 Luke 16:1-18 Luke 17
April 18 1 Samuel 25,26 Luke 16:19-31 Luke 18
April 19 1 Samuel 27,28,29 Luke 17:1-19 Luke 19
April 20 1 Samuel 30,31 Luke 17:20-37 Luke 20
April 21 2 Samuel 1,2,3 Luke 18:1-17 Luke 21
April 22 2 Samuel 4,5,6 Luke 18:18-43 Luke 22
April 23 2 Samuel 7,8,9 Luke 19:1-28 Luke 23
April 24 2 Samuel 10,11,12 Luke 19:29-48 Luke 24
April 25 2 Samuel 13,14 Luke 20:1-26 John 1
April 26 2 Samuel 15,16 Luke 20:27-47 John 2
April 27 2 Samuel 17,18 Luke 21:1-19 John 3
April 28 2 Samuel 19,20 Luke 21:20-38 John 4
April 29 2 Samuel 21,22 Luke 22:1-30 John 5
April 30 2 Samuel 23,24 Luke 22:31-53 John 6

Week in Review

This week has been very busy with putting the house on the market and the showings. We did get an offer that we saw more details about yesterday. It's contingent on the buyer's house selling. She has only had her house on the market for less than a week herself. According to her realtor she's willing to lower the price in the next week to ensure she gets ours. In the meantime, ours is technically still an active listing with more showings. It's a 60 day contingency and if we get a better or quicker offer we just need to give her 48 hours to counter offer and we could sell anytime. She is paying to have the house inspected tomorrow, but there are more showings planned going in to the weekend. It was very encouraging either way that someone is that interested in our little house for the list price. It's great, don't get me wrong, but it will be a little sad leaving the first home Billy and I had. We are planning on house hunting this weekend, weather permitting. Oh by the way, st augustine grass installed looks to be about $950 so far. I think my immediate response was... really? for grass?? *shrug* Gotta do what we gotta do.

This week was also my grandmother's first birthday since she passed away last May. I miss her smile and her generous heart. I remember sitting with her when her heart started declining a few years back and just stroking her hand and telling her everything would be all right.

Offer

We got a call tonight from our realtor for an offer on our place. It was the first people that looked at it yesterday. Praise God :-)