The scripture reference of Psalm 139 is so very dear to me. That's my memory chapter for this year. I very much need to have those words sink deeply in to my heart and beliefs so that my actions and words reflect the truth of God's word.
Today’s Truth
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:14-15, NIV).
Friend to Friend
But Mama did not say a word. And the look in her eyes told me that she was not happy. Evidently, Robert had not measured up to whatever obsolete standard she had in mind. When I asked her what she thought of him, she smiled and said nothing. Nothing? Nothing! How could she not see what was so very obvious to me – that Robert was absolutely flawless and we were going to be so happy. Together we would change the world!
I would show her.
I would pray about it and let God deal with Mama.
I started praying about my relationship with Robert and off-handedly tossed out a prayer asking God to close the door if Robert was not the right one for me. Never in a million years did I expect God to do that. But He did. With a resounding crash, God slammed that door shut, locked it and totally obliterated my perfect life plan. What in the world was going on? It made no sense – to me.
Before that summer mission trip when Robert and I met, he dated a girl for several years. He assured me their relationship was over and I believed him – until she came to town and I never saw him again. No, I am not kidding. Have not laid eyes on the boy since that day.
I was crushed. I had been so sure. I poured out my heart to Mama who listened quietly until I ran out of words and tears. She then took my face in her precious hands and simply said, “The first time I met Robert I knew he was all wrong for you.” What in the world was she talking about? I could not believe my ears. I stared at her in stunned silence.
Sensing and seizing a rare teachable moment in her not-so-teachable daughter’s heart, she went on. “The truth is that he is not good enough for you.” I chalked those words up to one of those things a mama is supposed to say to her daughter who has just been dumped by the most amazing catch of the century. Mama saw the doubt in my eyes and said, “Honey, if I could buy that boy for what he’s really worth, and sell him for what he thinks he’s worth, I would be a millionaire!”
I can count on both hands – with fingers left over – the number of times I ever heard Mama say an unkind word. But she evidently felt the occasion warranted her brutally honest opinion. With the proficiency of a seasoned lawyer, Mama began to skillfully and accurately lay out her case against Robert. I was in the presence of greatness.
“Honey, he had a spirit of pride about him. He led you on while keeping in touch with an old girlfriend. He lied to you. He took you to a movie that was so raunchy that you got up and walked out while he stayed and watched it (Sad, but true.) And then had the nerve to stand in a pulpit the very next day and preach the Word of God. Yes, he is handsome and charming, but inside – he is not a true man of God right now. He may be some day, but he surely isn’t yet. And you deserve better.” She was right. I did. I just didn’t believe it.
I worked hard at presenting the right image. I wanted people to see me as a confident, spiritually have-it-all-together kind of person, but the truth was that I had spent my whole life struggling to believe God really loved me – just like I was. I could not see myself like He saw me – chosen, loved, planned and wanted. I could not grasp the truth that I was created by God – for God. To think that God wanted an intimate relationship with me outside of my good works was totally beyond my comprehension. So when someone like Robert came into my life, he immediately became the living proof I so desperately craved - proof that I was worth something. Guys like him didn’t look at girls like me. I was certainly not beautiful. I was overweight and insecure. I was simply not good enough. I had allowed the sin of inferiority to rule my life.
Pride and inferiority are the opposite sides of the same coin of preoccupation with self. And both are sin. I have spent so many years, so much time and bucket loads of energy trying to be good enough. I followed all of the rules, hoping to please the Ruler. I said and did all he right things in front of all the right people in a desperate attempt to persuade them that I was right. I spent a lot of years accumulating the perfect mask for every situation.
And talk about irons in the fire – had ‘em by the dozen - all shapes, sizes and colors. If I did good things, I must be good. Right?
The bottom line is that I was running the race of life for the wrong audience until God shut the door, turned off the lights and said, “Daughter, that is enough.” And then I spent two years in a deep, dark pit of clinical depression where I learned what it really means to rest in the Lord. I learned how to simply be instead of frantically doing.
For the first time in my life, I came completely clean with God. I abandoned myself to Him – and He was there – never condemning me - and always loving me. For the first time in my life, I was set free from my own human and very confining expectancies as well as the lifeless expectations of others. They were not my audience. God was. And His heart was for me. I swear I could almost see Him grab those heavenly pom-poms when I quietly turned to Him, leaving a world of hurt behind. And His smile – His smile dried every tear and healed every hurt. I no longer needed a relationship with any human to prove my worth. The only relationship that mattered was with the One who made me worthy – my Father- my God.
I think Mama learned a lot of these truths through the many difficult years of her life. She knew. And she also knew I would have to come to those truths the same way she had – the hard way. It was worth it.
I learned that God loves me – period - just as I am – warts and all.
I learned that absolutely no one could take my place in the Father’s heart.
I learned that I am indispensable to no one but God.
I learned that I am not an accident – even though I was not planned by human heart or mind.
I learned that I was created in response to God’s special and unique plan for my life.
I learned that God is crazy about me – no matter what I do or don’t do.
For so long, I had looked for worth in the eyes of people the world deemed worthy instead of finding my worth in God alone. No more. Mama saw me – just as I was – precious in her eyes and in the eyes of God. And she loved me.
Psalm 139:14-15 (NIV) “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
There was not an ounce of pride in my Mama’s heart and life. I never saw her put her own needs above the needs of others - not once. She was a humble and precious woman who loved God, cherished her family and knew how to be a true friend until the day she died. Maybe that’s why she could so easily spot pride. It was a foreign language that she simply could not and would not speak. I want to live my life the same way.
By the way, the first time Mama met my husband, Dan Southerland, she looked him dead in the eyes and measured every inch of his gorgeous self. Mama then smiled and softly said, “Take good care of my daughter.”
Let’s Pray
Father, I praise You because I am made in Your image. Please help me live my life on the basis of that truth and not on the lies of the world. Thank You for a mother who loved me in such a beautiful way and modeled the very definition of humility. Help me to honor You like she did.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Now It’s Your Turn
Here is your assignment for the week. Read Psalm 139 at least one time every day. In your journal, write each verse in your own words. At the end of the week, set aside time to celebrate who you are in Christ. Have a praise party – just you and God – or invite a few girlfriends to join you in celebrating how special you are to Him.
Here's part one if you're interested in the other half of her story:
Today’s Truth
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10, NIV).
Friend to Friend
My mother may not have had a degree in psychology, but she certainly could read me like a book. I often wondered if she was secretly going to night school or something because the older
I got, the smarter she got. For the life of me, I could not figure it out.
Oh, Mama was a clever one, hiding all of that steely wisdom and motherhood cunning beneath
her honest-to-goodness kind and gentle exterior. No doubt about it – my Mama was the first
velvet-covered brick in my life. She had to be where I was concerned.
I can be a little stubborn. Okay – I can be a lot stubborn – but I usually have what I consider to be stellar reasons to back up that stubbornness.
I do know stubbornness can be a good thing when it is attached to an important issue. However, my stubbornness was usually attached to nothing more than the issue of who was in control. And I like to be in control, a fact that was highly evident to everyone in my life during my high school and college years.
I wanted my way – period. When my mind was set on something, it would take a boatload of dynamite to loosen my grip on what I perceived to be the perfect plan – my plan. You can see how this attitude might set the stage for fireworks between mother and daughter. But Mama was not big on fireworks. She was, however, big on prayer and quietly watching and patiently waiting, desperately counting on God to help her deal with me.
Yes, my mother knew me all too well. When she saw me headed in the wrong direction, she wisely kept silent, lulling me into a false sense of security and the foolish belief that I had once again outsmarted her. At the same time, I am certain she was on her knees, crying out to God, waiting for just the right moment to say the words that often derailed whatever foolishness I was determined to carry out.
I believe wisdom is knowing what is right and then saying the right thing at the right time
for the right reason. By that definition, my mother was a very wise woman, especially when it
came to the boys and men I dated.
As a sophomore in college, I was in love and had my future planned. Yep! Every detail was covered. I had not really consulted God because I was certain He would agree with me. After all, it was a great plan that was practically handed to me on a silver platter. How could it possibly be the wrong plan?
We belonged to a small country church where my mother made sure we attended every single time the doors were open – and I do mean every single time. Bill Crews, a great man who truly loved God and our family, was our pastor. My mother was a widow raising three children, working the day shift as a nurse and often cleaning houses and babysitting on the side to earn extra money. Bill and his wife, Joanne, took a special interest in our family – and in me – and seemed to think God had created me for some kind of special work. I was clueless and certainly couldn’t see it – but they did – and they always encouraged me to seek and serve God.
Good grief! I basically lived at the church. What more could I do? Like Mama, God knew how to handle me.
After graduating from high school, I was devastated to learn that the Crews were leaving. Pastor Bill explained that God was calling him to serve another church in the Pacific Northwest. I didn’t really get, like or necessarily agree with that whole “God calling” deal, but my devastation was short-lived when the Crews offered me an opportunity that would ultimately change the direction of my life.
I could live with them and work as a summer missionary for the Pacific Northwest Mission Board. I had never even been outside the state of Texas where I was born and raised. We were as poor as dirt and were often thankful for enough gas to get Mama to work and my brother, sister and I to school. The prospect of travelling anywhere was both exciting and frightening. I also had the feeling that God was up to something. A red flag to my self-centered self! My mother thought it was a great idea. Another red flag to my control-freak self, but the whole thing sounded exciting - so off I went.
Because I sang and played the piano, I was assigned to a team of students who went from town-to-town, leading worship services at night and conducting vacation Bible schools and doing door-to-door witnessing during the day. It was a lot of hard work – but I loved it. And I especially loved getting to hang out with some really awesome guys, one of whom was beyond awesome. In my opinion, Robert (no, it is not his real name) was one tall, lean God machine. With coal-black hair, sparkling blue eyes, colossal dimples and a smile that melted your heart, Robert could preach the stars down. Every girl on the team had a crush on Robert and I was no exception. But I knew I needed to make some changes if I was going to have any kind of chance with Robert. I needed to change the way I wore my hair and find a way to buy better clothes. And I needed to lose weight. Guys like Robert did not date fat girls. It seemed the more weight I lost, the better friends Robert and I became. Yes, indeed, we became good friends and promised to keep in touch after the summer ended.
I came home, ranting and raving about the love of my life – Robert, the man I was going to marry. He would preach. I would sing and play the piano, and we would win the world to Christ. Now I ask you, how could that not be God’s plan? Mama just smiled and said, “That’s nice.” Nice? My plan took nice to the cliff and shoved it right over the edge. My plan was totally and unbelievably awesome! She would see.
Robert and I did indeed keep in touch. I flew to his hometown where I met his parents and friends and immediately fell in love with them all. The following year, he began attending seminary in Fort Worth, Texas where my sister and brother-in-law just happened to live. See? Another sign from God! Mama just smiled when I laid that bit of wisdom on her. I can remember thinking she must be deaf, dumb and blind if she could not see the oh-so obvious plan of God playing out before all of our eyes.
I am sure Mama was on her knees again, praying like crazy, while Robert and I dated and dreamed and planned our future together. When Mama met Robert for the first time, she looked him dead in the eyes and seemed to weigh and measure every inch of his gorgeous self.
Finally, she could see what I was talking about. Robert was perfect! I was certain she had fallen in love with him on the spot.
I could not have been more wrong.
Join me tomorrow for the rest of the story.
Let’s Pray
Thank You, Lord, for the people in my life who are not afraid to confront me when I am wrong. Forgive me for the arrogance that makes me think I know what is best plan for my life. I don’t pretend to understand the height and depth of Your love for me, but I choose to accept it and revel in it today. Help me learn to see myself through Your eyes.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Now It’s Your Turn
- Do you really believe God loves you unconditionally?
- What proof of that belief is evident in your life?
- Do you consider yourself worthy in the eyes of God? Why or why not?
- Read John 3:16. Memorize it and record it in your journal. Then write the verse in your own words. Ask God to make it a reality in your daily life.
More from the Girlfriends
A daily time alone with God in prayer and Bible study will strengthen you to face whatever life throws at you. Check out Mary’s weekly online Bible study, Light for the Journey, for practical ways to tap into the power of God’s Word. The first study of 2013 is Power Up With Proverbsand begins January 14.
FREE MP3son Mary’s website in the Freebies Section!
Do you or someone you love struggle with depression? Mary’s book, Hope in the Midst of Depression,offers practical steps you can take to get out and stay out of that pit. And be sure to connect with Mary on Facebookor through email.
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