A peek of Spring

Helping daddy with yard work, first by testing the lawnmower:

then picking up leaves

What's back here?

Sweeping up:
Picking weeds (my fav)

Next day, we went to the park to play:

He had some playtime with Rachel.

He doesn't usually ride in these machines while they are on, but since Rachel thought it was cool......

Tenth Avenue North - You Are More

Especially for my boys. I know I have to remind myself that it's not about what I've done but what's been done for me. I truly believe everyone can take this and apply it to themselves and others:

There's a girl in the corner

With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You've been remade
You've been remade.
You've been remade.
You've been remade.

Toddler Firsts and Fun

I love getting pictures of Matthew with his friends. Here is Matthew and Isaac checking each other out...

Matthew going in for the hug:

Matthew having fun playing with his friend Tanner

Great knit hats from our friend Ann, there is one for Daniel too :-D

Matching shirts and Mrs H got the boys matching onesies.

We had James and John spend the night with us so their parents could celebrate their anniversary. 4 great guys all ready for church Sunday morning!

That morning we moved up a class. Now it's 16-24 months

Matthew's 90% height is allowing him to reach some things that aren't the best for him. Thank goodness the water/ ice dispenser will lock.
Where to move the sharp utensils now???

In the last few days I've set up an activity table in the corner of the breakfast area. Matthew has taken right to it with toys and coloring. He gets to color while mommy is sitting right there with him to make sure the crayons only touch paper. We might start investing in the Color Wonder system soon!

Today he started doing the sign language for please. Matthew's frustration at communication has been hard on both he and mommy. I can only make out a handful of words so far....We keep reading picture books for vocabulary and adding signs. Slowing down and getting down to his level seems to help us both as well.

Getting Ready for Daniel

Daniel's bedding. Billy got a great deal. I couldn't sew all the pieces myself for the great price he paid. This is a manufacture picture. It will be delivered in the next couple of weeks:

The set we bought includes: the crib comforter, bumper, bed skirt, fitted sheet, two window valances, diaper stacker, toy bag and decorative pillow. Four of those pieces in the picture are not included: the mobile, hamper, wall decorations and changing pad cover. It's not about the stuff, but getting ready for Daniel. It just makes our new little family member more real :-) Thanks to our generous friends the Englands, we have a crib and a gliding rocker. Now on to search for a changing table. I'm planning on painting one accent wall in Daniel's room the pale green to match the bedding.

Letter #4 - Gratitude

Dear Sons,

The subject of gratitude is near to God's heart. A thankful heart is what God wants. (Colossians 3:15,Proverbs 15:13 &15; 17:22, 2 Corinthians 9:7, Philippians 4:6) In America we focus on the state of thankfulness in the Fall. Manners are an important value and characteristic in a person. The simple act of a thank you is such a thoughtful kindness. Manners are not about looking polite and proper, but it's a recognition that we are all dependent on each other. It reflects an appreciation, respect and validation for the efforts of others in our lives. Having someone in our lives who wants the best for us and takes the time, effort and thought to reach out should be told how much those things are appreciated. No matter if what was given was exactly what we wanted or needed, the heart of the gesture is what we are acknowledging. Gratitude keeps negative emotions such as complaints and depression in perspective. Being thankful for the people, circumstances, emotional, financial and material blessings in our lives remind me on a daily basis that every good and perfect gift comes from God. (James 1:17)

As independent as we all try to be in America with our culture of self accomplishment with achievement oriented goals we all have, stopping to remind ourselves we are much richer, deeper more mature people because of the people God has placed in our lives is fundamental to keep arrogance and hard hearts at bay. It's essential to think of what we can do for others, not expecting anyone else to do or be everything for us outside of God. We are not owed creature comforts or luxuries. Our actual 'needs' are few: food, water, shelter. Everything else is a want. Entertainment like movies or music, brand name items whether it be clothes or cars, electronic gadgets are all wants. I'm not saying there should be a guilt involved having any of these, but merely to say American culture takes these things for granted and WILL try to convince you are somehow less successful, worthy or 'cool' (by America's definition again of course) if you don't have the best material possessions. I do want the best for both of you. The best is determined by God though, not some American dream from the 1950's. Material possessions do not bring happiness, and making money is not the end goal. Money is not a goal in life anymore than being known or fame is. Fame and riches do not fill the hole of loneliness, life's purpose or meaning.

I pray for the hard work of your efforts that you are taken care of financially. I also pray that what you do benefits others. What ever profession you chose please just make sure to use your God given abilities and talents to make the world a better place. I desire with my most passionate part of my mommy heart for the sense of peace that is unchangeable that is only found in Christ, for you to be selfless giving men. I want for you to give God and the people around you, your very best. I hope with all of my heart you chose Christ as the Lord of your life. But also know, no matter who or what you become, where you travel, what ever your profession, whether you go to college, get married or have kids, own a home or not. Nothing changes my love for you and my desire to support, encourage and pray for you for as long as God allows me to be on earth.

Reminding ourselves that others going out of their way to do things for us helps ward off feelings of entitlement, too high of expectations and a hard heart. God never made us to be an island. No one is beholden to anyone else with strings attached for our kindness towards them. No one has the right to manipulate, guilt, control or abuse you just because they have done something for you or given you something. True selfless giving is done to help or encourage for the sake of doing God's will in our lives. We are not owed anything in return. We do reap what we sow. I believe in life we see people intentions as we are , not as they are most of the time. Our past experiences, lessons learned and personality frames our view of the events and actions around us. Our hard work alone is not why we bear fruit in our lives. (Ecclesiastes 1) 3 years of trying to start a family with all the medical information and knowledge we could get our hands on is just one of the many ways God has shown me our work is in vain when not part of God's will. I know it is terribly discouraging and frustrating to work towards a positive goal and wonder why this isn't turning out the way we wanted or when we wanted. After all going forth and multiplying is a very Godly endeavor stated in Genesis. A wonderful mentor prayed with us doing our journey and simply put this statement in front of us "The timing of your child may be for their benefit and future, it may not be about you". There was something inherently selfless in that I clung to as we continued to wait for the next year and a half for Matthew's arrival. I can't say I wanted that experience, I can say God did much work on my heart, marriage and relationship with him in those 3 years. Not everyone has to wait 3 years for a child, but it's where God lead us and He never left us. I can't regret that time. It's easier to say that on the other side, but I know in my heart and through all the tears we shed and prayers we sent up that next time we are working toward a goal, God is in control. His control is loving, kind, compassionate, wise and maturing.

There are very personal failures, hurt and struggles in my past. I chose, just like everyone does the path I wanted to take whether I was the cause or someone else was. I'm not professing to be perfect with my choices. I do hope I've learned through them and gotten wiser and more mature with each experience. Only in the last few years has James 1:2-8 been a true deep comfort. Maybe I just had to go through enough in life to see what God has done with my past hurts and disappointments to the beautiful work He is doing in my life. Being married to your daddy and having both of you is a dream come true. I am so grateful for all three of you in my life. Similar to Philippians 4:10-20, I know what it's like to be unloved, unwanted, disrespected and lonely. I also now know what it's like to be truly accepted, to feel part of something incredibly special and beautiful as the four of us are as a family. The choice is to see ourselves not as helpless victims of circumstance but as strong, capable, resilient children of God is essential. It's not cliche to say that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. He is there every step in our lives and turning to Him, relying on Him will get us through anything. Not with our hurt, struggle, anger or questions, but we will get to the other side and God will show us the way. He just have to look and follow His will. I'm not a victim and I'm not looking to blame someone. I can only control me and my reactions to the world around me. I don't expect to be happy 24 hours a day, to never struggle, to always get along with everyone or for things to turn out the way I want them to or for people to not hurt my feelings. Not having that control is terrifying to some people. So they close up. I believe the more hard hearted, the most closed off and skeptical someone appears on the outside the more vulnerable, hurting and insecure they are on the inside. That is just my view and experience from life. I'll say again, being vulnerable, open and taking risks requires strength, maturity and a complete reliance on God. Sometimes I'm successful at this endeavor and sometimes I'm not. God gives me the strength to be wholly reliant on Him being grateful for everything around me and other time Satan's voice of self pity, entitlement and frustration guide my actions. What wins in the end is the one I feed the most and dwell in. I am not defined by other people's acceptance or rejection of me. I am defined by Christ alone.

Giving has always been easier than receiving help. For some reason I'm still delving in to at this point in my life, it brings up feelings of vulnerability. Luke 17:11-17 tells the story of how Jesus healed the ten men and only one returned to praise and thank God. Verse 17 sums it up well, "¹⁷ Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? ¹⁸Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?” ¹⁹ Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.” "

Gratitude requires vulnerability with a humble acceptance we can't do everything on our own. Vulnerability requires a strength provided by God in oneself as well as the discernment and leaning on God to know with whom to be how vulnerable. God does work through all of His children: regardless of age, gender or faith. By thanking these people in our lives, we are acknowledging God's work in our lives through them.

With All my Love,

Mom

25 weeks: Daniel

We went to the obgyn this morning for our monthly appointment as well as an additional sonogram to monitor the placement of the placenta. We are pleased that through the natural growth process, the placenta is no longer an issue. Daniel is measuring 1 pound 13 oz, his heart rate was 137 bpm.

After much prayer, discussion between us and family as you can tell by the title and reference above we have decided on a name for this new little guy. We chose Daniel for a couple of reasons. First, the story of the faithfulness of Daniel in the bible is an inspirational one we look forward to sharing with our little boy. Second, the name means "God is my judge"and I pray our son will grow to be a man who grows in their trust of God looking to Him alone for approval and guidance through out his life. The scripture that has been on my heart for Daniel is Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and will make your path straight"

His middle name will be Paul, which comes from Billy's maternal grandfather. He passed before Billy and I met. So although we never got to meet in person, his legacy of family and faith live on with his seven children and almost 30 grandchildren.

This pregnancy has been so different in that I am much more busy and this time I am pregnant during flu season. I had the luxury of taking it very easy when I was pregnant with Matthew. I had just been laid off 2 weeks prior to finding out I was pregnant with him. I knew I wanted to stay home after giving birth and after all we'd been through to get pregnant the first time it gave me a huge piece of mind that I could make carrying him my only priority. This time I have an active toddler to keep me busy. I have gained about half the weight so far that I did with Matthew. The days and weeks fly by much faster.

I love Daniel already just as much as I do Matthew. "A mothers heart doesn't know subtraction or division, but only addition and muliplication." I have been sick through the winter. I did get a flu shot and managed to side step that. Billy, Matthew and I have traded off a cough for over a month now. I was much more nauseous the first trimester and now am much more tired. The tiredness of course has quite a bit to do with keeping up with a very curious and energetic 16 month old :-) These are sweet days, looking back on the struggle to get here. I'm so grateful. It seems surreal at first. I remember watching the end of "Facing the Giants" the first time and think the ending was too picture perfect and my heart ached for that ending. Now we are there.

We are so excited to raise two little boys. I look forward to watching their relationship as brothers grow and develop. I am ready for more forts, cars, and then legos, sword fights etc. Being raised with two sisters close in age, I only knew what I was raised around. My little brother was so outnumbered. My appreciation, respect and joy for boys continues to grow. I thank the Lord for knowing who we needed to parent and that boys were right for our family.

Next appointment is in three weeks for the gestational diabetes test, grow baby grow!!

The First of Many....

Forts!

Fort #1

The big one happened during the four day ice storm. Matthew and Daddy had SO much fun! I watched for a bit and then went to take a nap :-)

Fort construction is serious business :

Eye spy with my little eye....

Chasing after daddy through the maze

Man talk... so mommy went for a much needed nap so daddy and Matthew could get some quality time to themselves.

Someone really had fun :-)

Mommy Fort... have to give points for effort :-)

I love my boys!!

Sinner on Site

March 2

Sinner on Site

If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.
1 John 1:8

Part of our job as parents is dealing with the sins of our children. Correcting misbehavior, admonishing them for mistakes in judgment and disciplining them for their own good make up a fairly big wedge on the parenting pie chart.

But I believe it's also important that we never develop the impression that our children are the only ones who ever come up short in the character department. They need to know that the two grown-ups they know best in life confess their sins and need forgiveness, too.

Raising children, perhaps more than any other assignment in life, reveals your true character. The spiritual discipline of admitting your own sin is part of what makes your parenting real and genuine.

I can't count the number of times I made a mistake and needed to ask one of my children for forgiveness. Like the time one of our children stepped on my favorite fly rod. It not only snapped, but so did I. I grabbed the remaining pieces of that rod and began to break them against my bent leg in a fit of anger.

Barbara was stunned. The children scurried and scattered to their bedrooms like bugs. Thirty minutes later, I called a family meeting and apologized for my sin.

I'm not just talking about when your sin is something directed solely at your children--they also need to hear how you deal with things like covetousness or pride or retaliation. If you are honest about your own sins, they won't feel so funny admitting them to you, talking about them and learning how you handle them.

Your children need to know they're living with people who are totally dependent on the mercy and grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. They need parents who are not afraid to admit they fail and need the Savior's forgiveness, just like they do.

Discuss
Is there a particular sin that you know you should confess to your children?

Pray
Pray that you will show your children how to be a true follower of Christ.

Letter #3 - Friends

Dear Sons,

A letter on friends was to come later. Today though, is a very dear friends birthday's so I pushed this letter up to today. We have been friends for 10 years. I wish I could say I could see the wisdom in having her or any of my friends right off the bat. I wish I could say I initiated the friendship. Neither of those would be true. Only God knows how relationships work out. We can always learn something no matter what. I like to make friends rather slowly. God introduced Amy and I through other mutual friends. I had no idea with that introduction how much she would touch my life and influence me. Becoming friends with her always felt out of my league. She was much more mature, kind, thoughtful, giving, better educated, prettier, more calm. Amy is a friend who I can laugh, cry, share my mistakes and be wrong in front of with out judgement.

As I became better friends with her and others I admire I realized what a gift that was, to be friends with those who inspire you. They are in part who you would like God to grow you to be. We are all also very different in some ways and that difference helps me look outside my own perspective. The differences have always been dealt with respectfully and kindly. God has worked in that friendship in my life because as I think of myself before, I know I am a bit more of the characteristics they have brought to my life.

Deep friendships, the lasting authentic ones come with building trust over time. I also have had many other friendships develop over the years. I don't think of friends in order of rank but rather circles of closeness. A lesson I've learned over time is no one friend, outside Christ, can fill all the places in your life. Specific friends bring out different sides of my personality, but the one thing they all share is an honesty, vulnerability and authenticity. My closest friends, the ones whom I seek advice looking to for inspiration share my values and beliefs. They have similar goals for their life: to love, trust and glorify God by their attitudes, actions and thoughts. I have slowly over several years opened up my heart, past and mistakes and they have been understanding and held in confidence those more private parts about who I am.

No one is perfect and all, including yourself will require forgiveness and understanding. It's important not to judge someone by any one mistake in their life. We are not the sum of our mistakes. Man looks at the outside, but God looks at the heart. I strive to be a supportive positive friend no matter what I receive or don't from the other person. I want to be the friend that I would want. Am I exhibiting the fruits of the spirit in these relationships?

There is another circle of women I am building that trust still with at this time. Each woman and I have slowly spent time, shared lives and accepted each other on a personal level. So I will continue to invest in those relationships as I see God leads me. There are friends I used to be closer with and due to living further apart can keep in a more casual contact with such as from high school, previous churches. Those layers of friends along with family make up an invaluable support system. They rejoice with our successes, pray over our hurts and disappointments.

I pray most of all, you both find deep spiritual friends who will call out sin in your life with love. I hope they pray for you, give you advice and at times will tell you what you don't want to hear. Anyone can flatter and agree with you. (Proverbs 27:6) I hope you find a friend that will sharpen you. (Proverbs 27:17)

As much as I want to influence others who do not know Christ, they also have the power to influence me. Know that's a two way street and that it's easier to pull someone down rather than lift someone up. I have learned to chose very wisely. You will be changed by who you spend time with. Every single person can and does reflect God in some way. That's not to say that just because someone does not know Christ we aren't to love and to learn from them. I have tried not to insulate myself from those who don't know Him so as to make sure I am loving everyone. No one is a project, and my goal is to love everyone as fully, completely and unconditionally as Christ does me. You will not find anyone that at some time will not be in need of your understanding or forgiveness.

Not everyone will see the best of who you are, a few will chose to reject the gift of friendship. It's a struggle in those times, but God wants you to still treat this person as His child. The hardest thing I felt laid on my heart after a rejection was to pray for this person. It was not easy with the hurt fresh in my heart. I did do it, haltingly and very briefly at first then slowly over time with sincerity and depth.

With All My Love,

Mom

Parenting Tips

March 1

A Parent's Top Five

A righteous man who walks in his integrity--how blessed are his sons after him.
Proverbs 20:7

Barbara and I have not been perfect parents. But when you have as many children as we do, God gives you a few hundred lessons along the way. And from our years of experience, we've come up with a list of five non-negotiables that all parents need in order to raise a family God's way:

1. Understand the times. In past societies, the culture helped reinforce the values that parents were trying to instill in their children. Not today. That's why you need to be surrounded with a few like-minded parents who can support, encourage and counsel one another through the choppy waters of modern life. A great church is where you'll find them.
   
   
2. Have a sacred commitment to each other. Your kids need to see your vows lived out in every circumstance, in times of both peace and conflict. Make it a priority to resolve disagreements with your spouse, to forgive each other, to remain faithful. These qualities of love build a powerful, profound sense of security in children.
   
   
3. Know what you believe. You are the textbook your children read. Your deeply held values about life will influence your interactions with your children. As parents, you need to know what your unshakable convictions are.
   
   
4. Remember God's perspective on children. Never forget that children are a gift from God. Raising your children is a privilege and responsibility He has given to no one else, and they should be raised to know Him and walk with Him.
   
   
5. Strive for the right goal. More than anything else, your children need to grow to love and fear the Lord. That's more important than ensuring they have a good education, develop different skills or learn how to succeed in today's culture. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

Discuss
Which of these purposes strike the deepest chord in you? Which ones need the most work?

Pray
Pray that your priorities will be shaped by God's Word and will influence your choices for you and your family.