Being Content

A couple of people have asked so I'll tell you after much reading and prayer there are no appointments to pray over this month. We are going to enjoy the blesssings we have around us and put our hearts in being in a time of year where we focus on the giving that began with God's best and most perfect one, His son. There is still pain and fatique right now. I just have a delicate system.

Rachel Christmas Pictures

Amy & Rachel came over today to take pictures, she said it was okay for me to share (She's sooo beautiful!!): Click on each picture for it to come forward

Make a slide show, scrapbook, or ecard

Thanksgiving Weekend

Lots of fun with my family in Fort Worth for Thanksgiving Day. It snowed! It didn't stick or last long, but in Texas it's a BIG deal :-)



I'm also thankful for my sister who cooked a wonderful meal and called many times to make sure it wouldn't bother my food allergies. Thank you Ister for cooking a great meal :-)



Billy and I have spent a great few days off together with family, we did some shopping, had some great meals and decorated the house. We read all the accounts of the birth of Jesus today to have the right frame of mind.



Favorite new shopping additions this year from Hobby Lobby:

Our strength and encouragement

Daniel 9: 20-23; 10:12-14
While I was speaking and praying, confessing my sin and the sin of my people Israel and making my request to the LORD my God for his holy hill— while I was still in prayer, Gabriel, the man I had seen in the earlier vision, came to me in swift flight about the time of the evening sacrifice. He instructed me and said to me, "Daniel, I have now come to give you insight and understanding. As soon as you began to pray, a word went out, which I have come to tell you Then he continued, "Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them. But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia. Now I have come to explain to you what will happen to your people in the future, for the vision concerns a time yet to come."

Romans 8: 18-39
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then can condemn? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Update

We had a doctor's appointment this morning to see if the IUI was successful. I got a call back this afternoon saying it was not. A wonderful older couple we respect very much prayed with us last night knowing we had this appointment. He said that at what ever time we have our child, God may be preparing another family for our child's mate. The timing may be more for our child's benefit and future rather than ours. However a child comes in to our home, we want to think and pray for their future. This thinking would be a good way to start being good parents and considering their best interests. We do want to look at family planning less selfishly.

No fake smiles here, just no desolate sorrow. We are disappointed, but we still trust in a powerful God who has control over everything. Thank you for your prayers, we will be in prayer about the next step. We know now that the discomfort in my abdomen and other symptoms have been from the procedure.

Definitely apt time to remember in this season to have an attitude of gratitude. I am thankful for....

My Savior and Lord of my life, Jesus Christ who gives me unconditional love and forgiveness everyday of my life.
Billy, who is my best friend and husband. His support and encouragement are priceless to me.
Family, by blood, marriage and faith who pray for and love us through this.
Health, home, talents, hope, and a host of other things I know I take for granted every day but God gives me anyway.

Family Time

This has been an exciting fun filled week. All of our immediate family on Billy's side came in town for our version of the holidays. We've gone to the Dallas World Aquarium, natatorium, shopping and a Turnbow restaurant fav Babes Chicken House. Kinda tired tonight, but have time to post great family group pics :-)


The family putting on their best smiles (yes, that is his best smile):





The family being themselves,...... any questions???

Spiritual Gifts

I enjoy learning more about myself so I can be more effective, so I took several tests, including this one: Your Spiritual Gifts

Gift Measure of Spiritual Gift Score
mercy shower 108
exhorter 105
teacher 90
shepherd 89
evangelist 86
helper 80
prophet 78
giver 76
administrator 50


Your two highest gifts (gift mix)
MERCY_SHOWER: That special ability to empathize with those in distress to give spiritual comfort and support. The mercy shower ministers by identifying with those in distress and comes alongside to lead them to wholeness (Rom. 12:8; Matt. 9:36).
EXHORTER: That special ability to find and communicate to others practical ways of serving God. The exhorter is a positive motivator, knowing practical Christianity will change the lives of others (Rom. 12:8; I Timothy. 4:13; Heb. 10:25).

What does your profile mean?
1. The higher your score in an area (i.e., score 75 to 100), the more gifted you are in that gift.
2. Remember that lay people tend to have lower scores than full-time workers.
3. Don't be discouraged by a low score and don't give up your attempt to use that gift. You can grow in any ability or spiritual gift.
4. Watch for two or three highest gifts. Compare these strengths (called your "gift mix") to see how they work together. As an illustration, strength as a shepherd (group leader) and strength as a teacher, means you will lead a group by teaching.
5. Concentrate on our strengths in serving Christ, not your weaknesses. Total Christian service will strengthen weak gifts, but don't focus all your energies on them.

Real Quick

Real quick praise, just wanted to say today was the first day I haven't had the aftermath of cramps since the IUI's last week. Billy and I have lots going on between now and when we would possibly know anything. We will focus on the now and what we have. I am so blessed to have a husband who loves me through all of this, prays for me and has such a servant heart.

God's in Control

It's after 3 doctor's appointments this week (Tuesday- IUI & sono, Wednesday- IUI and sono, Thursday, sono and bloodwork) that we can't pinpoint when I ovulated. For some unknown reason, what the doctor's thought were the potential eggs laying by Thursday became sacks full of fluid. The home ovulation kits were positive on Monday, which is supposed to indicate it will happen in the next 24-36 hours. When I showed up to do the second IUI on Wednesday she said the follicles were still there and to come back Thursday. When they were still there Thursday they took blood to decide since the sacs were still there . To answer the question, had I or hadn't I ovulated? Due to the numbers of my LH and progesterone she could definitely tell that I had. We don't know exactly when that happened. It's clouded in some mystery. Only with God working on my heart all this week through the wonderful prayer warriors in our lives can I say I'm all right with that. We've done everything we were told to do and its fitting that it's in God's hands. We don't know if the second IUI was necessary of beneficial since they can't pinpoint when everything occured. It's right that God's mysterious work should not be clear on this. We wouldn't have to trust God if we could wave a dr's wand and control it all ourselves.

My prayer for today was to feel, to hope and to honor God.

IUI Days

I've really been focusing on spiritual warfare more recently. It's definitely something as far as descernment that I've been lacking in. So wonderful that all we have to do is ask for wisdom and God gives it. We are emotionally sensitive and remembering hourly, God is bigger than our emotions. Praying without ceasing is alive in our home.

Here's the technical side of what's been going on the last few days as I've said before I hope this helps someone else who God places on the path to navigate through. I've been taking the LH tests and it came back positive Monday evening, which means my hormone levels are up and in the next 24-36 hours I should ovulate. So with that in mind, the dr did the procedure yesterday. I have continued testing and the hormone is still high. So based on the sonogram and the dr saying that since no eggs have actually collapsed, we have the opportunity to have another one today. I will go back in tomorrow and have a sonogram to ensure egg(s) have collapsed. There is cramping involved in the procedure as well as several hours afterwards. There's also the usual discomfort of the sonogram. I took a very big nap, got dinner on the table and went back to sleep. Thank you for your continued prayers, we feel them.

Praise

I feel very strengthened after this weekend. Incredible that God knew two months ago when I registered for this retreat that I would need that extended time to spend with Him. Today was a big doctor's appt. Everything is in God's hands. I know many of you are praying so I ask specifically that we face this part of the journey in a way that honors God. Scripture we read and prayed over last night (thank you Courtney) and this morning from 2 Chronicles 20:

LORD, the God of our ancestors, are you not the God who is in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. Power and might are in your hand, and no one can withstand you. If calamity comes upon us, whether the sword of judgment, or plague or famine, we will stand in your presence before this temple that bears your Name and will cry out to you in our distress, and you will hear us and save us. For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you. This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. Tomorrow march down against them. You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you. Listen to me, Judah and people of Jerusalem! Have faith in the LORD your God and you will be upheld; have faith in his prophets and you will be successful. And the kingdom of Jehoshaphat was at peace, for his God had given him rest on every side. "

However this turns out, we do praise God. We praise God for the support, prayers, and Godly friends He has blessed us with at all times and how much closer you all have drawn around us and taken us to God in prayer for the journey we are on. We are blessed by the grace, forgiveness and intimate friendship God offers us daily.

Glorious

I went with three sweet sisters out to Brookhaven Camp in Hawkins for a women's retreat entitled Glorious based on the book Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge.. It's the female companion book to Wild at Heart. The entire weekend was centered on the heart of a woman. As women we reflect a very specific side of God. Femininity is about our tenderness, our ability to offer from our hearts what ever talent the Lord has given us. Our beauty isn't in how we dress or do our make up, our weight or our physical body parts. It's taping in the courage God supplies when we truly are aware of our worth and who we are and can then offer our beauty to a hurting world. We are cautioned to give incrementally and to have discernment with how much and to whom we give. In order to access that beauty and to be able to give, we have to deal with our wounds and to be healed. The entire weekend was indeed a glorious experience. Here are the three precious souls I was able to drive there and room with for the weekend. I appreciate so much them sharing their hearts with me as well as allowing and respecting me to share with them and treating that with such care:



The experience spoke to me personally with my heart and how I'm dealing with my dreams not being able to come true as I have envisioned since I was a little girl about motherhood. I have increasingly over the last year and a half started closing off my heart. So the disappointment isn't as overwhelming, but God gets smaller too as I have shut him out of my dreams. I've stopped looking forward and in ways that can be good to be in the present, but I've taken power and control over my heart from God. I took in several wonderful pearls of wisdom, one of them being that God may say no to my plans of wanting to carry a child, but He never says no to my heart. I must trust him with my dreams, desires and future. He is in control of all of them. He does have a plan and a future,there is always hope.

The weekend was an excellent time of reflection and quiet time with God. It got me to realizing some old wounds I hadn't dealt with. Lies that the enemy has tricked me in to believing about myself, what I have to offer and my worth. Also, able to renounce promises I'd made to myself in the midst of both of these. Through my own interpretation of events as a child I convinced myself at an early age that no one liked the real me. So I remember telling myself that I had to keep hidden. The older I got, the less attention I was comfortable with. It's another reason why this venue is so important. I have something to offer, people do care, want to see my happy and not everyone wants to hurt me (another lie I believed). It's incredible the magnitude the lie becomes. Only when the lie becomes so ridiculous, outrageous and paralyzing do I realize what I've bought in to. It was a very powerful reminder to take all of my fundamental questions/ doubts/ fears about myself to God. Only my maker can truly and accurately answer why I'm here. The world doesn't get the power to tell me who I am.

East Texas by the way is absolutely stunning in the fall:

Dr Update

Just have a brief minute to share this morning was appointment #2 for the month. I went in so they could see how many follicles had appeared from the clomid. There were 6 of these follicles, she said maybe two looked big enough to develop in to an egg. I start ovulation testing on Sunday.

That's it, my emotions are still very sensitive. I feel defensive in general, probably coming off all those hormones from the fertility drug. Hearing her talk I wanted to get my hopes up, but that's been so hard on us the last year and a half to be on the rollercoaster of hope and disappointment. Part of me wants to hide under a rock until all of this is over with. We'll just do the process and God will do what He wants to do anyway. It's best in my mind right now (safer and less hurtful) for me not to get too attached to any one particular outcome. Accept what ever comes and don't speculate. Only God has all the answers of why and how comes. He knows best.

Buzz, two Lady Bugs & a Giraffe

A.K.A: Isaac, Rachel, Ava & Brooke. What a great way to celebrate NOT working a 14 hour day :-) We had so much fun at the Johnston's and all the sweet crawly creatures running around!