I've chosen a different job to use skills and gifts that God has blessed me with quite earnestly in part so that I don't feel quite so acutely the void of not being a parent. I feel as though I'm preparing for that role better by seeing different personalities, learning more ways to approach and guide young minds. When mommy conversations come up I feel as though I can bring something to the table. I know I don't always have to do that, there is a time for simply listening and supporting others. Other co-teachers ten years younger than I am admit to going home tired daily. I swapped out financial compensation (this was definitely a pay cut) for emotional rewards. To feel as though I'm making a difference in a child's life. At what point does my fulfillment and using my gifts for God balance out with what it takes away from my marriage? At work I spend hours being patient, repetitive in reminding social, behavioral and moral rules, breaking up tiffs, soothing fragile emotions. I'm on my feet all day for the first time in about 10 years as well. I'm sure every teacher what ever you teach deals with this daily. This environment and what it requires from me personally is new to me. I want to put my all in to it as children are something I care about passionately. If I have a bad day or lose my patience it's a child that suffers not a piece of paper or a task. I'm working this and other things out mentally and just wanted to delve in to a bit to help me sort through on paper. We've also had the added stress of packing and moving since the week after I started.
I'm sure things will settle down. My co-teacher and I are getting on the same page for the 4 year olds which I'm so thankful for as it makes the time more enjoyable. My co teacher in the infants is going back to college in about a week, so that will change. I learned yesterday it's transition time which makes sense as it's coming up on a new school year. So all these 4 year old personalities I've been getting to know and care about will change on the 18th. I wish I could take pictures of their little faces, they truly are precious.
"All things are possible with God"
Our Anniversary
1 comment:
I'm really proud of you. Wes and I have numerous conversations about the balance of working a job you love that takes a lot from you (physically and emotionally) vs saving everything you have for your family. We have found that I am at my best when I still take time to use the gift that God gave me in my career and bring those lessons and that perspective home to my family. Ideally I keep work less so my energy for my family is more...but I do build my endurance at work! You will find that balance as your energy ramps up and your personal life settles down. You are so good at this job! I wish Billy could see you there:-)
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