Sore throat

The last couple of days I've been battling a sore throat. I talk much more during the day. While I try my best not to yell or scream at the children, sometimes a general shout out for initial attention above the din of 21 young voices is quick and effective. Maybe with a little less of the sound of my own voice comes my inner voice a bit more clearly than it has in a while. I really haven't had down time to think much lately. That can be a blessing at times for me as there isn't much that silences the inner dialog occurring. It's a sweet well earned and satisfying fatigue that I feel today, sore throat aside. In the realm and relativity of some very good friends hurts mine is minimal and very manageable. My heart has ached this week for several friends in physical and emotional pain. I tend to get so involved in what I'm feeling that it takes other's pain for me to see what my own means from a distance.

I got a table top mirror this week (figuring out apartment living for a couple months is a sweet adventure). The kind that has the normal view on one and the 5x on the other. What appears so normal and almost pretty on the normal scale up close at 5 times the magnification is anything but. Which makes me think about the mistakes I'm making daily in my life. From a distance I can rationalize to a menial size compared to the the "truly" awful stuff. Up close, it is what it is, no amount of make up or justification makes a wrong a right.

I've been thinking more this week about advice and being able to receive that with an open heart regardless of the source or my current mood. I want God to be able to work in my life regardless if I agree at the moment. I pray to think of some one's words as love, because they are willing to spend the time to share their thoughts with me. I don't want a stubborn closed mind or heart. When hardening occurs, the bad advice or influence doesn't penetrate but neither does the real love and intimacy. When my thoughts come to my own character, balance is often the word I use, call it seeking wisdom, mental health, whatever comes to mind to describe the search to be a better woman for God. I don't think any of us is impenetrable, we all have our weaknesses. That's what makes us stronger us a collective group of God's children motivating us to reach up to Him and outwards to each other. I hope to learn from others and pray God filters all through HIS wisdom.

My sweet husband just brought me some hot tea. So I'm going to lay down for a bit longer, rest my voice and my feet. Both will stop throbbing soon :-)