Time & 18 Kids

If these long dialogs seem rambling or hard to follow feel free to skip to the next paragraph. :-) Working outside the home to the point of fatigue is probably a good thing for my ever wandering mind. I don't dwell on things so much. I can still get overwhelmed by thoughts and feelings building up not dealt with though. Would I rather be callous or sensitive? Outgoing or introverted? I want to be able to relate to / connect with as many people as I can. I don't like to feel uncomfortable and I know I tend to gravitate towards people who either share my main personality trait or at the very least empathize or see mine as a favorable one. I don't want everyone to be like me and I try to see other people's perspectives and try to learn from them when they are different from mine. When my mind has gone on the spin cycle for too long, I get impatient with myself and wonder why I care so much. I don't really think everyone is going to like me. I'm not willing to sell out so they do. I know I want to protect myself from rejection, hurt and judgment. I want to control these things and have harmony in my soul and I know that is never directed by external circumstances. As a wise man who has every reason to pity himself but happily lives his life no matter the challenges of having no arms recently said, no one can ruin your day except for you. It's VERY hard to remember that when my sense of justice has been tested, when feelings are hurt. It's a part of my personality I battle to not let my emotions take over. I find the older I get the more I see opportunities to lead my heart and not let it lead me. It sounded so romantic as a young person to say follow your heart. But my heart is deceiving above all else. My heart would never want to forgive, my commitment to God must be more important than my feelings in those instances. My heart wants to cry out and defend itself. Then I remember the only one I ever have to explain or tell everything to is God. He loves, forgives and accept me unconditionally and that's all that ever needs to matter. I try to have my thoughts be positive, constructive, loving and obedient. I'm pretty sure analyzing everyone else's personality isn't any of those things. Reminds me of a scripture I need to keep closer these days from Philippians 4:4-10...

4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
(Yes, Brooke I was thinking about you when I remembered what scripture talked about what to center your thoughts on)

Speaking of connecting, I started watching a new program that I enjoy very much, it's TV G and for once it's something I pray about applying to my life. The show is called "17 Kids and Counting" on TLC Channel. The Duggar family lives in Arkansas. The mom Michelle is pregnant with her 18th child, all home schooled and starting with the letter J with conservative Christian values. The latest show was on courtship and I really admire their standard of purity in the way they dress as well as the self control, love and kindness. The calm, patient attitude of the mother is commendable as well. The respect and gentleness this couple shows towards each other and how they manage the family God has blessed them with is very Godly.