A letter on friends was to come later. Today though, is a very dear friends birthday's so I pushed this letter up to today. We have been friends for 10 years. I wish I could say I could see the wisdom in having her or any of my friends right off the bat. I wish I could say I initiated the friendship. Neither of those would be true. Only God knows how relationships work out. We can always learn something no matter what. I like to make friends rather slowly. God introduced Amy and I through other mutual friends. I had no idea with that introduction how much she would touch my life and influence me. Becoming friends with her always felt out of my league. She was much more mature, kind, thoughtful, giving, better educated, prettier, more calm. Amy is a friend who I can laugh, cry, share my mistakes and be wrong in front of with out judgement.
As I became better friends with her and others I admire I realized what a gift that was, to be friends with those who inspire you. They are in part who you would like God to grow you to be. We are all also very different in some ways and that difference helps me look outside my own perspective. The differences have always been dealt with respectfully and kindly. God has worked in that friendship in my life because as I think of myself before, I know I am a bit more of the characteristics they have brought to my life.
Deep friendships, the lasting authentic ones come with building trust over time. I also have had many other friendships develop over the years. I don't think of friends in order of rank but rather circles of closeness. A lesson I've learned over time is no one friend, outside Christ, can fill all the places in your life. Specific friends bring out different sides of my personality, but the one thing they all share is an honesty, vulnerability and authenticity. My closest friends, the ones whom I seek advice looking to for inspiration share my values and beliefs. They have similar goals for their life: to love, trust and glorify God by their attitudes, actions and thoughts. I have slowly over several years opened up my heart, past and mistakes and they have been understanding and held in confidence those more private parts about who I am.
No one is perfect and all, including yourself will require forgiveness and understanding. It's important not to judge someone by any one mistake in their life. We are not the sum of our mistakes. Man looks at the outside, but God looks at the heart. I strive to be a supportive positive friend no matter what I receive or don't from the other person. I want to be the friend that I would want. Am I exhibiting the fruits of the spirit in these relationships?
There is another circle of women I am building that trust still with at this time. Each woman and I have slowly spent time, shared lives and accepted each other on a personal level. So I will continue to invest in those relationships as I see God leads me. There are friends I used to be closer with and due to living further apart can keep in a more casual contact with such as from high school, previous churches. Those layers of friends along with family make up an invaluable support system. They rejoice with our successes, pray over our hurts and disappointments.
I pray most of all, you both find deep spiritual friends who will call out sin in your life with love. I hope they pray for you, give you advice and at times will tell you what you don't want to hear. Anyone can flatter and agree with you. (Proverbs 27:6) I hope you find a friend that will sharpen you. (Proverbs 27:17)
As much as I want to influence others who do not know Christ, they also have the power to influence me. Know that's a two way street and that it's easier to pull someone down rather than lift someone up. I have learned to chose very wisely. You will be changed by who you spend time with. Every single person can and does reflect God in some way. That's not to say that just because someone does not know Christ we aren't to love and to learn from them. I have tried not to insulate myself from those who don't know Him so as to make sure I am loving everyone. No one is a project, and my goal is to love everyone as fully, completely and unconditionally as Christ does me. You will not find anyone that at some time will not be in need of your understanding or forgiveness.
Not everyone will see the best of who you are, a few will chose to reject the gift of friendship. It's a struggle in those times, but God wants you to still treat this person as His child. The hardest thing I felt laid on my heart after a rejection was to pray for this person. It was not easy with the hurt fresh in my heart. I did do it, haltingly and very briefly at first then slowly over time with sincerity and depth.
With All My Love,
Mom
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