Be Still

When am I still? When my thoughts force me to do so. That's also when I write. That's when I'm open to God working on my heart. I allow his desire from Psalm 139

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. ²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

What's better is He already does in case my stubborn heart is resisting:

¹ O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.

What leads me to slow down, feel and think today is my sister's birthday. She was born on 9/9/70 at 9 something in the morning weighing 9 pounds, 9 ounces. I can't make this stuff up. She would have liked celebrating her 39th birthday on 9/9/09. I didn't ever understand friend's whose relatives had passed away how it could effect them so many years afterwards until I experienced it myself. It's been 5 years. With the passing of time comes the feeling of both distance and moving forward conflicting with the desire to have time stand still or better yet go backwards. It's like faith in a way, if you don't have it, it's hard to explain what it means in my heart. If you do, there's no explanation necessary. So, if you don't understand, that's all right. No one needs to feel they have all the answers, since none of us does. All of this is happening for the benefit and the love of an audience of One. He understands the sadness in everyone's hearts who knew my sister and that's enough.

^{Matthew 6: 33}But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.