Letter #2- Forgiveness

Dear Sons,

How much the subject of forgiveness has touched my life. How I've journeyed, fought, struggled, come to peace and back again. When I think of the two most important characteristics I want for your lives, first was love, then forgiveness. No relationship- friend, family, wife can have an honest connection with out it. When the unspoken promises of loyalty and commitment are broken, so does some one's heart. When someone is looking more to their own interest to the detriment of others a relationship suffers. The very basis of the love God gives us is deeply rooted in unconditional forgiveness. Any idea, any opinion, any decision is rooted in truth if it begins with what God has to say about it. He has much to say about the topic as forgiveness is mentioned in the bible 143 times.

Mom got our the old bible dictionary which says it like this: "God's forgiveness of us is an act of His grace to forget and not hold people of faith accountable for sins they confess. It's His gracious act of God by which believers are put into right relationship to God and transferred from spiritual death to spiritual life through the sacrifice of Jesus." It's a beautiful definition, did it stir your heart? Did it make you want to run right out and forgive someone or convict you to confess a hidden sin? I want you both to beware of spiritual knowledge in and of itself. (1 Corinthians 8:1) Don't just learn biblical facts, lineage, law, geography believing those pieces of information will keep you right with God. Being 'right' with God is all about what He's done for us, not what we have done for Him. Only knowing that even our very best acts of selfless kindness are no where near to God's holy perfection can we relax and accept with a calm peaceful heart a beautiful gift.

There are many things I hope and pray for you both, but know above all else, I never expect either of you to be perfect. (Romans 3:23) You will not shock, disgust, anger or do anything to cause me to turn from you, stop believing in you or loving you. Just as you are God's child so am I. I know the freedom His truth provides. That solid promise I have believed and relied on continues to impact my life in the most profound ways. Feeling and having accepted His unconditional love, acceptance and forgiveness has healed my soul and still has the power to bring me to tears. No one and nothing else on earth can offer that core rock of solid foundation. Ask anyone who knew me before 2001 and after. There are vastly different stories. All of that change is due to God's presence in my heart alone. I'm far from prefect and with all due respect and the love I have for him, so is your dad. I have made and will continue to make many mistakes in my life born from all kinds of reasons. (Romans 3:10-12) I can sit and make excuses for my actions. I can even defend myself by making a list of my sins and my good deeds, praying the good outweighs the bad. (Romans 7:20) I can compare myself to other people who aren't trying to live a life for Christ to feed my need for superiority. I can say I'm just a good person, (Mark 10:18) but we brush up against a concrete definition of what any of these words mean. Not one of these attempts at hiding from the truth of our imperfection changes the fact that sin is in my life and always will be. As I write these letters I am doing so a student and constant learner. I am not an expert so I look to the one who is. I pray to have an open mind and soft heart to God's teachings in my life for as long as I live. So you may think to yourself why try? I'm never going to be able to impress God. We have to start thinking less of how reward based the world looks and see this idea through God's heart.

God's forgiveness is so easy, just ask Him. That's it, don't let anyone ever convince you that more is required. No hoops, no steps. Every act we do as Christians- being baptized, attending church, making tithe, helping others- is done because of the standard God has taught us. We do these acts to show our love in return, but never are they to earn anything from God. Not His favor, His trust, His forgiveness, His love or His acceptance of who we are. God has a will, plan and purpose for every child of His on this planet whether they chose to accept the gift of salvation or not. When we love God we are open to His direction, we seek to give back a small measure of the happiness He has given us. We can't keep the rules enough ever. I pray with everything I am that you both will accept God's truths first for your own sake, I know the difference it makes. Second, when we have fulfilled God's plan for us on earth I long to see you in heaven where we will all be together in eternity with Jesus Christ.

My sons, don't let anyone convince you that there is any sin beyond God's understanding. He has withstood every temptation known to man. God will understand, He will forgive. (1 Corinthians 10:11-13) It doesn't matter how horrible you think it is and how far outside who you thought you were or what you capable of doing. (Hebrews 2:18) You can't surprise God or tell Him any sin He doesn't already know. (Romans 8:35-39) I say this carefully, God already knows. He sees everything we do with love. We are simply stating what you and He both already know so as to have no hiding, no secrets, no distance between yourself and Christ. Guilt, feelings of unworthiness and pride can all wedge in there. Be on alert with the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-20) to fight against anything that tells you God wouldn't want you if He really knew, He already does.

What is a good deed, what makes a good person, what is sin? Breaking of these (Exodus 20 and Luke 10:27). God defines it all for us. We have to begin with God to have any idea of who to model our behavior after. God is your ultimate role model, your hero and your savior. These are the pillars of unshakable truth that are who God is and why He created humanity. God does stand for all that is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8). If He can forgive all, who are we not to follow suit?

So what do you do with this forgiveness God has given you? Keep it for yourself with all the great feelings of peace? (Philippians 4:9)No, everything we receive is to be shared with others. God has changed my life and I want other people to experience that change. I can't be Christ for them but I do represent Him. God didn't give us the salvation only to keep our love and gratitude for all He's done for us silent. No matter what the world tells you, God wants you to represent Him especially to those who don't know Him. It will come about in ways that He places in your life, sometimes His name will be mentioned in the conversation and sometimes it's just doing for others what God has done for us. Forgiveness is one of those things. God even says how many times. (Matthew 18:21-22) No one is counting to 77, keeping score. Forgive and share with others the freedom that brings.

What forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not excusing by considering extenuating circumstances. It's not pretending what someone did wasn't bad. It's not forgetting- only God can truly forget. Outside of amnesia, we will remember. We do chose not to bring it up or allow the hurt that occurred between that person to define their value. Forgiveness is not always the same thing as reconciling. Reconciliation requires that the offender still be alive and be sincerely repentant for the wrong they committed. Reconciliation requires the rebuilding of trust and that means good faith on the part of both parties. Forgiveness is not about allowing someone to abuse you in any way. It's not standing for verbal name calling. No one has the right to treat you with anything less than dignity and respect, period. No one has the right to touch you in any way you feel uncomfortable. No one has the right to put you down. These are extreme conditions but my sons I want you be on guard for anyone twisting God's truths in your lives.

Forgiveness is releasing the person from your anger. When you hold on to anger the result is bitterness, resentment and a cold heart. The other person has moved forward and you have have not. Forgiveness is letting go of the what if's/ if only/ should have/ could have/ would haves. It's accepting the reality and turning the new results over to God. Resist revenge regardless of other's actions, leave room for God's ultimate forgiveness, love, plan and justice. Every action has it's natural earthly consequences. Jesus says there is no sin that can separate us from the love of God that includes the person who has hurt you. I know it's hard to implement, depending on the degree of hurt it's not an overnight process. A few select hurts in my life have taken years to completely release and leave to God. Most through a few hours of praying and studying God's word. Some range in the days or weeks. It's a process and can go in circles, but never stop praying for God to work His forgiveness in your heart, no matter how long it takes. Don't go to bed angry. Unfortunately it will require practice. We live in a fallen world and there will be many opportunities to step outside ourselves. Be careful of the words you share about someone's character, everyone can have a bad day, act with out thinking and have areas of growth needed in their lives as well. When we learn better, we do better. Many hurts from others stem from a person's own undealt with hurt. I encourage you to be very careful with the promises you make yourself silently or outloud in a moment of hurt. They are rarely made out of wisdom. Negative emotions like fear, hurt, anger and revenge are powerful tools for satan. Don't let him win.

There are three books that along side the bible that have helped clarify forgiveness for me:

What's so Amazing About Grace? by Philip Yancey

In the Grip of Grace by Max Lucado

Everyone is Normal Until you Get to Know Them by John Ortberg - Chapter 8

With All my Love,

Mom