I'm sitting here sandwiched between yesterday being Dad and I's 6th wedding anniversary and the eve of Valentine's Day. These days have me thinking of the legacy of love I hope we leave our sons. I pray the love Dad and I demonstrate reflects for you both resembles what God intended for marriage. My sister, your Aunt Lisa passed away before you were both born and while your cousins were still very young. When the Lord calls me home at the time He decides is best for His reasons, I don't want things left unsaid. I thought about putting these in a book and one day I plan to transfer them to a scrapbook, for right now at the time in our lives with Matthew being 15 months old and little guy you're on the way, this is my line of communication.
So letter #1 my wonderful sons is about love. Remember first of all who loved us first and is love Himself. (1 John 4:16) Only through knowing God and His son Christ personally, passionately can love have a concrete definition that the world can not change with it's ever changing morals and views. God loves you so much He wants a relationship with you personally. You will never be rejected or left behind. Once you know that God loves you both so much that in the depth of your sins He sent His one and only son to suffer and die on the cross, you will not die but have ever lasting life with Him in heaven.(John 3:16) Please no matter how fast you can recall this scripture over time never take it for granted, never think it's not an enormous sacrifice. Let it always be a reminder of the value you have for the One who created the world; everything we see, hear, touch, taste and feel. Nothing and no one, not even the gap you might personally place between you and Christ can take that love, forgiveness, and salvation away from you. (Romans 8:39) It's always us humans putting the space there, it's never God. As it says in Ecclesiastes 1:9, there is nothing new under the sun. God know your heart and loves you just as much in the depths of your sin as when you are serving, worshiping or praying. His love can not be earned by outward behaviors nor forfeited by sin. The wonderful relationship between you and God is always very close through honest confession of your mistakes and receiving of His forgiveness. He always gives His forgiveness. Once that first relationship of love with Christ is right, you can be ready to have something of value, worth and substance to another.
God himself says that love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) I pray you both know love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18) and covers up a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). I pray you speak the truth in love. (Ephesians 4:15) I pray you know God's love alone is why you were both born (Psalm 139:13), why God has a plan for your future (Jeremiah 29:11), why you are here and the purpose God has for you (proverbs 19:21) in life and the only way you will be in heaven. (John 3:16)
Love between a man and woman as God intended is not a gushy racing of the heart, a momentary attraction or even a reaction of chemistry. Being a partner is the willingness to be responsible with their heart, body and mind. Choosing a partner requires using your moral compass along with your heart dedicated in prayer for the Lord to show you whom He has planned for you. Look to God for what is a deal breaker (Proverbs 31:10-31) Godly love from a man has the maturity, respect and patience to honor the woman God has chosen for you. Honor her heart by most especially her body before marriage. A proposal of life long covenant with a woman is not born of out of loneliness, fear, desperation or even because you know she will say yes. I pray you both chose a woman who will encourage, pray and help you become closer to God using your God given talents to help others and share the good news of Christ's love for humanity. I pray you will pray for her roles as wife, mother, daughter, friend and her spiritual growth. I pray you will love the Lord more than you love even this woman and she will love Him more than you. I pray as a mother this woman believes in you, sees the very depth of your heart and holds steadfast through the storms of life faithful to the promise they have made my sons in front of the Lord. I pray respect for my sons hearts, for their God given position as spiritual leader. I pray a grace giving tender heart with a short memory for past hurts.
Love above all things is a choice. An act of commitment, maturity and selflessness. Acting out love daily requires constantly putting aside one's pride, remembering with humbleness our own sins and failings. It's stopping and thinking before wounding back in return thoughtlessly out of own's own hurt. It's knowing for you men's hearts that the woman God has chosen for you, God also has a path for, she is God's child and He is working in her life both together with you and personally alone with her. The choice to stay a team, knowing you're in this together and the 7 letter D word never enters the conversation. Better or worse aren't hypothetical. No matter how old or young, clean slate or past relationship experience, what kind of family you came from, what your faith is or educational level you WILL have troubles. There will be attacks from satan. He will use anything and everything to attack, create division, distance, spite, hard hearts in your marriage: the outside world, your extended families of origin, friends, your children, your own hearts, minds and each other. I pray a fortress of protection for your marriage, you WILL need it.
These three remain: faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13) This verse is so near and dear to my heart. I have worn the ring with those words since my 30th birthday. Both your Aunt Lisa and Aunt Leah have the exact same ring. The giving and passing on of this ring has a much longer story I'll tell you both one day.
With all my love,
Mom
P.S. I came across this list and wanted to attach it here: Ten Secrets to a Happy Marriage
1. God has you here to serve one another. Love acted out is serving.
2. Women need respect and nurturing. Love your wife so she knows you’d lay down your life for her. Continue to date her and admire her. Share a hobby – find something you can do to have fun together.
3. Laugh often
4. Be patient. Love crumbles quickly under the weight of unmet expectations.
5. Spend more time trying to fix yourself than your spouse.
6. Keep short accounts. The Bible says “Do not let the sun go down while you are angry.” Make it a habit to forgive.
7. Determine up front that divorce is not an option
8. Leave about love languages. Not all people show love or receive it the same way. You want a back rub and your spouse wants a clean kitchen. The love languages are fairly simple: acts of service, time, physical touch, gifts and words of affirmation. Learn them. Love is better received when it’s in the language that person speaks.
9. Words of affirmation are a love language for all men.
10. Men are born to be leaders. He cannot lead unless she gives him the confidence to do so. If you love your husband, build him up. Confident men do not seek love outside the home.
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