Steak or Marshmallows?

This last weekend I attended with about 20 other women from my church a Women of Faith conference. Then a few days later I came across some very different thinking from my own. Between those two events and a great Sunday morning bible class on marriage my brain is full of many concepts I wanted to work out on paper, um... computer screen. People's differences and motivations fascinate me. New ideas make me challenge where I am and the reasons for my own beliefs, behaviors and my heart attitudes. It can spark within me change or confirmation of what I hold dear. I needed this last week and am so grateful for the opportunity to encourage my faith to further prepare me for what God has in store for our future.

Control is what we grasp on to when we are fearful, anxious, unsure or scared. My generation educates itself and then takes over. Blending the perfect recipe of caution, skepticism and distance. As a teenager/ young adult, maybe we were hurt by others or we made wrong choices. Now we keep ourselves tightly reigned in so far from risk or hurt because we never want to feel like a failure again. We take fewer chances, become more conservative staying inside our comfortable place where we feel safe that we've researched and fiercely guard. Maybe we built coping mechanisms to handle our particular family dynamics that are just no longer valid as protection. We people pleasing, rule following women do the Martha style of wonderful surface meaningless chit chat taking 13 steps to set a table and cook the perfect dinner. All tasks completed in that 1950's jello mold smile in place and everything under perfectly organized, all potential pitfalls addressed ahead of time. We put our hands primly in our laps with solemn faces discussing others poor choices and lack of real faith. We use words to feel sorry for those less fortunate and carry around the constant intention to do something about it... someday. Living under law to perfection becomes our goal, because after all 'if you were a real christian you'd be making less mistakes, you wouldn't hurt, worry or question.' We distance from those who do not conform to our definition of a Christian with the rationalization they are not safe people. We know grace is there, but we don't want to cause God to have to waste any on us, we don't want to need it.

This scenario feels like someone giving me a steak on a dirty trash can lid. Truth is vital as God is the way truth and life. Where is trusting God and not our own understanding? Where is the willingness to be aware of God asking us to change directions, make sacrifices, reach out for His good, not ours? But where is the fulfillment of the command to love one another as Christ loves us?


If we don't feel that, we are so burned by others unrealistic expectations we reject all law or worse even Christ. We've tried to play the game and because our humanness just shines through anyway, and no one seems to want to say they relate or they feel that way as well we feel isolated. Is it really just me that doesn't have it all together? If so, then I don't belong amongst all these perfect people. No longer will anyone else's "shoulds" stick. We reject any organized religion because we are tired of people looking down on us for our ongoing mistakes that we know Christ has already forgiven, so why can't they? Or if these people who are as human as I am can't forgive me why would a perfect God? With out knowing us as people we feel the born and raised, never strayed far Christians will never understand our struggles. The many bad habits we know we have, the areas we haven't let Christ in to yet. The journey and the struggle to form new habits that we haven't have the blessing of having been imprinted on us since infancy. We didn't come to Christ because we couldn't wait to follow all the rules. Law is supposed to fuel a fire for sharing the gospel of Jesus? We came to Christ for unconditional love, forgiveness and acceptance where we are. Where are God's hand and feet down here to encourage and love us while God works on us? It's not other's people's jobs to lecture, condemn and judge. Words like accountability and 'the bible says' become hurtful arrows to our hearts.

Too far with justifying that every behavior is all right, love is all we need and I feel as though I was served marshmallows on a silver platter. Pretty but not very good for me in the long run, no meat to grow and mature me.

How do I get steak on the silver platter from others? How do I serve that to others? I know I have been judged, looked down on and had assumptions made of my character. When I think of those instances where other people's lack of compassion was made known to me those words still have the power to hurt and anger me. I also know I have judged others with out love and seeing them as a work in progress and most importantly a child of Christ. I haven't prayed for these people, just felt superior, comforted, safe in that I wasn't doing what they were at that moment.

Truth in love.... so few words sounding so simple and so many of us can't do it. An understanding that obedience will never start until grace is felt. No one cares how much knowledge you have until they know how much you care. Loving is not a project, it's a calling, it's the reason we were even made. The desire to live in the truth of God's word is developed with care and over time.

Lord willing, I am to give birth to a human child who will make mistakes as Lisa Welchel spoke about at WOF. He is not now ever will be perfect. His choices and mistakes are a reflection of continuing maturity not a reflection of bad parenting, his character or mine. Our job is to provide a safe place where he can learn from his mistakes. I pray Billy and I brainstorm with him to help him work out God's will and direction for his life. A judgmental or critical spirit on our part will close doors making him feel unsafe to confess. As the love and logic class we took emphasizes, it's our job to give him the opportunities to experience new skills as well as make mistakes. I really identified with the idea that the more mistakes he makes at a younger age, the less the long term price will be. Mistakes are not the enemy, failure is not the enemy. Both of those are opportunities to learn and grow. I don't think that philosophy stops no matter how old we all get.