Yours

The song "Yours" by Steven Curtis Chapman has been going through my head for the last few days. The last part of this song speaks to me and reading what inspired him to write this CD did too.

It's all Yours, God
My life is Yours, my heart is Yours
My hands and my feet are Yours
Every song that I sing
It's all Yours, all is Yours
All belongs to You
Our gifts are Yours, God
All our dreams are Yours, God
All our plans are Yours, God
The whole earth is Yours, God
Everything is Yours

His additional verse after losing his daughter Maria is so beautiful. " As a part of the family's acknowledgement of the tragedy and God's faithfulness to them through this difficult time, Chapman has also written a new verse to his song "Yours" from his current project, "THIS MOMENT":
I've walked the valley of death's shadow
So deep and dark that I could barely breathe
I've had to let go of more than I could bear
And questioned everything that I believe
But still even here in this great darkness
A comfort and hope come breaking through
As I can say in life or death
God we belong to you.

It's the difference between believing in God and living in God. Having a personal relationship with God is the best thing that has happened in my life. I spent my childhood believing, but only as a teenager and young adult did I start knowing who He was. I started to understand how he saw me and most importantly what He had done for me. He sent the person He loved the most to die for me so that this selfish person could go to heaven. No one else on earth can give me the worth or value that act does. I love Him because He first loved me. I continue to make my share of mistakes and knowing I get to go to heaven not because my good might outweigh my bad in the long run, but ONLY because God chose to provide a gap between my sin and God's perfection. Do I really think my good deeds are going to impress the perfect God who created all goodness? He thought of me since the beginning of time creating me for His purpose. It took me a long time for the knowledge of God's grace to make it's way from my head to my heart. I am His from now on. Nothing and no one can take that away from me. Cindy, our preacher's wife made an excellent point last night in small group. Peter did what we all think of all the one unforgivable sin, denying Christ-Peter did it three times. Christ still forgave him. I can't do enough good things to buy my way in to heaven and enough bad things to get kicked out. God's grace is not fair because neither I nor you deserve heaven. I'm glad life's not fair. I'm relieved that there is no scale of good or bad, only God's loving forgiveness.

When I think about the fact that God doesn't leave me, always willing to forgive me and does not give me more than I can handle I'm gratefully humbled. In a time of our lives that God is calling us to wait, to persevere to grow stronger confidence in Him; His promises are the only beacon of light of a future. Yes, I hurt, I doubt, I question, I get angry, sad, worry, fearful. I have harsh, judgemental, unloving, ungrateful, impatient thoughts towards others as well as the situation at large. I get stressed, impatient with the people I love the most. God's still there believing in me knowing if I turn to Him I am capable of being better. Since I love Him, I don't give in to every thought, every selfish motive. I exercise self control, I lean on God who is the only being on the planet who can handle my gambit of strong emotions fueling my opinions. I'm so sold out for Jesus because of the change in my heart. He took/ continues to take life's hurt and disappointments, injustices and He handles everything. I have to give it to Him though. I have to continually abdicate my right to be judge and jury for all the mistakes and life's unfairness.

Experiencing loss makes me think of my own mortality. How to apply what's going on around me so that I'm a better, not bitter person. What is God trying to show me through life's circumstances? I have to remember God is just, loving and oh so forgiving. I remember God honors our choices and loves us enough to let us decide whether we want to give our hearts to Him. He's respectful, He doesn't force us like puppets to be His followers.

When I pass on I want to be remembered as a loving person who trusted God. Someone who was there for the people who she loved and loved her. That's all because, it won't matter what job, where I lived, what I owned and how much I accomplished. I pray I kept my priorities of God, husband, family and friends, I used my talents but it didn't eclipse that people were more important. I hope that I loved people with as much of Jesus' unconditional love that I could no matter what we did or didn't agree on, no matter how different we were from each other. I hope I stood for what I believed in without putting anyone else down. I would rather mean much to a few people, than a little to many.

That, my gentle readers is what has been on my heart for weeks. What do you want to be remembered for? What are you doing today to make that a reality?