Thoughts

I've been too busy lately to really sit down and sort out my self in my head. Sometimes it takes physical proof to show me I'm stressed. Today I was exhausted due to not being able to go to sleep til 4 this morning and when I did awake, it was with a headache it took 6 hours to get rid of.

With my inability to sleep last night, I ran across a dozen adoption blogs and resources. I found books to read to children at any level to help them process and accept how they came to be a part of our family. Billy had a good point, his concern as the head of our family is to provide and this move will do that. We will have more than enough room to grow a family. I sit and think about how we'll help her handle her adoption. How can I help her bypass the female insecurity roller coaster of body image or male dependency? Purity and integrity? How do I encourage a powerful prayer life for our child with an understanding of God's will that involves an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ as their Savior? I've always thought about the scripture in Luke 2:52- "And as Jesus grew up, he increased in wisdom and in favor with God and people." Wisdom, both spiritual and educational. In favor, that he lead his life in a way that he was loved and respected with both God and men. I see ahead a wonderful and incredible task of rearing a child who will be dependent on me to be their example. It's a weight that I recognize and pray about and know I can point to them the only perfect example they will ever have in Jesus Christ.
Here are the top books I'm interested in. What I Couldn't find on the net but have heard about is a tummy mommy book, anyone heard of it?




I actually unknowingly bought this one, seeing the scripture in the inside fold at the store, and got a great surprise upon reading it, that it was a kangaroo's search for a child and how she came to care for a little bird as her own:




I want to be positive in the changes of our home, in adding to our family and in Billy thinking about other job opportunities. I believe it's the more positive approach to make the best out of the situation, see the good coming out of it. At the same time, change no matter how possibly good, takes an adjustment. Our prayers are to glorify God regardless of the results, to understand we are a small part of God's intricate plan. I pray to not take control from God, to not be anxious and to trust. Just because something may bless us, doesn't necessarily mean it is or isn't God's will in a bigger picture sense. I was having a conversation this evening after small group with my friend Katy and it reminded me church isn't about what I get out of it or even what I think about it. It's not this analytical deconstruction and critique of a pastor's delivery. I tend to approach life like that in general, in an objective detached point of view at times. I hesitate, I weigh a situation and then determine my course of action.

My perspective check is.. am I glorifying God? Is my relationship with God alive and am I seeking Him? Do I listen to Him through His word and prayer? Am I at the same spiritual maturity I was at even last year? Is the church I'm attending serving God in His way that God spells out in the bible? Am I keeping the salvation issue THE salvation issue or am I adding on to it in my head? Am I using the gifts from God back to His people? Am I compassionate with people? Do I live out a life that reflects who I belong to? Am I risking? Making myself vulnerable? How much time has to pass before I take the chance to just reach out? Is "building trust with time" a fancy way of convincing myself it's okay to play it safe and never risk possible rejection? How many times do I only share prayers for other people and not really share of myself? Not really letting people know what's going on except for a safe place behind a computer where I don't have to see your eyes...