I went with three sweet sisters out to Brookhaven Camp in Hawkins for a women's retreat entitled Glorious based on the book Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge.. It's the female companion book to Wild at Heart. The entire weekend was centered on the heart of a woman. As women we reflect a very specific side of God. Femininity is about our tenderness, our ability to offer from our hearts what ever talent the Lord has given us. Our beauty isn't in how we dress or do our make up, our weight or our physical body parts. It's taping in the courage God supplies when we truly are aware of our worth and who we are and can then offer our beauty to a hurting world. We are cautioned to give incrementally and to have discernment with how much and to whom we give. In order to access that beauty and to be able to give, we have to deal with our wounds and to be healed. The entire weekend was indeed a glorious experience. Here are the three precious souls I was able to drive there and room with for the weekend. I appreciate so much them sharing their hearts with me as well as allowing and respecting me to share with them and treating that with such care:
The experience spoke to me personally with my heart and how I'm dealing with my dreams not being able to come true as I have envisioned since I was a little girl about motherhood. I have increasingly over the last year and a half started closing off my heart. So the disappointment isn't as overwhelming, but God gets smaller too as I have shut him out of my dreams. I've stopped looking forward and in ways that can be good to be in the present, but I've taken power and control over my heart from God. I took in several wonderful pearls of wisdom, one of them being that God may say no to my plans of wanting to carry a child, but He never says no to my heart. I must trust him with my dreams, desires and future. He is in control of all of them. He does have a plan and a future,there is always hope.
The weekend was an excellent time of reflection and quiet time with God. It got me to realizing some old wounds I hadn't dealt with. Lies that the enemy has tricked me in to believing about myself, what I have to offer and my worth. Also, able to renounce promises I'd made to myself in the midst of both of these. Through my own interpretation of events as a child I convinced myself at an early age that no one liked the real me. So I remember telling myself that I had to keep hidden. The older I got, the less attention I was comfortable with. It's another reason why this venue is so important. I have something to offer, people do care, want to see my happy and not everyone wants to hurt me (another lie I believed). It's incredible the magnitude the lie becomes. Only when the lie becomes so ridiculous, outrageous and paralyzing do I realize what I've bought in to. It was a very powerful reminder to take all of my fundamental questions/ doubts/ fears about myself to God. Only my maker can truly and accurately answer why I'm here. The world doesn't get the power to tell me who I am.
East Texas by the way is absolutely stunning in the fall:
2 comments:
Was it strange to be at Brookhaven without all of your RFKC friends and in cooler weather?! Sounds like a wonderful, refreshing time.
I want you to know that you are on my heart. I am praying for you and truly do understand some of the struggles you are experiencing. Mine have been slightly different and ours may have a different ending, but the struggle of a mother heart crying out for a little one is the same the world over. I have found two things to bring me more comfort than anything else. First, regardless of the "reasons" for this season of your life, God is grieving with you, not coldly teaching you a lesson!!! No matter what we are enduring, we know that His heart feels each pang with us! Second, there is an Enemy who does not want us raising godly generations and he must be battled! During a season of prayer and fasting after two miscarriages God showed that to us in a vivid way and prompted us to fight back in His glorious strength! We are not fighting for just one outcome but for the heart's cry we feel He has given us! We felt that He specifically gave us the story of Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicles 20. I pray that this story will also bless you. I pray peace, comfort, and rest for your heart. I pray for a clear vision of what God has for you and your husband. And I pray that you will be a part of raising mighty warriors for His Name!
Sounds like an awesome weekend. Retreats are the bomb.
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