The lose-lose Game

What inspires one person is never meant to be a burden for someone else. Anything of this world can be used to bring joy, comfort and honor to God, family, friends and yourself. Those exact same activities, thoughts, devices only accomplished by others can make us feel inferior, jealous, resentful, bitter, hurt, isolated and selfish. It's not the stuff, it's the heart.

Two years ago it was the number of friends a person had on Facebook. Last year, I heard lots of talk concerning events one wasn't invited to. This year, the blame game has fallen on Pinterest. Some are using it as a standard to live up to. Much like Rachel and Jennifer shared here.

My initial reply:
"a woman sharing her authentic heart, life, humor and passion for serving Christ....eshet chayil, Jen"

My reply after pondering:

"I'll say one more thing because once again, your post has me thinking. The gift the Lord has blessed you with of articulating your faith and having it resonate with so many others was not designed to become someone else's burden or yardstick to add to the negative voices of condemnation or failure. It's an inspiration and a way to hear God's voice. 

That concept applies for each of our individual gifts. We aren't cookie cutter gingerbread men assembly- line made to all be the same.

I pray the things I share that God has placed on my heart does not give satan a foothold in others to be a burden. 'Cause I have to admit, I am as giddy as my kids about doing daily Advent activities for all of the major holidays including, and especially, Christmas. They are simply a source of joy for us."

Excerpt from Sara Besche:

"Earlier tonight I reflected on the disappointment I sometimes feel that I may never be the mom that makes cake pops for every holiday or hand crafts his Halloween costumes. . .. I can build a mean fort out of twine, sheets and 3m hooks and make an impressive Smurf city out of Legos but when he was a baby I did not feed him homemade organic baby food and sometimes wonder if he will be as healthy as the kids who's mothers did.
I have a friend who feels like a "bad mom" because she didn't send out Christmas Cards this year and another who is opening a new profit center for her business venture and feels "guilty"that she had to buy cookies at the store instead of hand making them for her son's school Christmas party.
Here is my point:
I'm Afraid that the pinterest era is turning us into wanna be Stepford freaks....I have friends who are pregnant with their first child and they are more overwhelmed with decisions like what kind of diapers the "best moms" buy than the things that will actually matter. 
As mothers, the measures I believe we should judge ourselves on are actually simple: its not the size or "pinterest-worthiness" of their first birthday cake. It's the amount of unconditional love and affection we give to our children, the values and confidence we instill in them, the quality of the time we spend with them, the examples we set for them in our actions as their role models.....this to me includes how we treat others, the way we treat ourselves, the appreciation we show for family AND our demonstrated work ethic (whether its cleaning the kitchen, volunteering, or working on your next business plan) and lastly AND MOST IMPORTANTLY the effort we put into developing their faith in GOD. If this post makes even one fb mom think twice about beating herself up because she bought the cheaper brand of diapers tonight at Walmart; then it was completely worth posting what has officially been the longest fb status I have ever written."

One person's joy in sharing inspiration is never meant to be someone else's burden.  I hope this sounds right, it's not shallow to enjoy delighting our home, family and friends with creativity inspired by others. It's a reflection of the heart no matter where the idea came from. 

I follow the boards that are inspiring to me what God has already given me a talent and interest in. If it becomes a source for Satan to attack ( and sure it has, he can and does try to use everything to make us ineffective to those around us) I unfollow. Just like I unsubscribe to the pages here on FB that aren't edifying. 

The alternative is to not share, don't talk about what you've done. Don't say anything to anyone because you don't want to be accused of bragging, arrogance, people thinking that you think you're right. *Sigh while shaking my head* Satan would love that. Don't encourage each other, don't share what worked for you. Don't help others with successes. We'll do the twisted sense of humility where we only put ourselves down, complain and shoo away any compliment. Yes, we all do things in secret and should. But not everything. We are here to encourage and help each other ladies. It's not about you if someone else does well. I know the struggle to think it means something about you. I did it for years in the struggle of infertility. What did I get for my efforts? A bitter spirit, isolation and a harden heart for a season. Wow, reaped great rewards there, didn't I? Until one sweet woman who had experienced far more struggle and disappointment in that area for much longer shared with me one story with one thought. Maybe you just think about them when they have good news?? It was paradigm shifting. It's not about me, get over myself. No one , outside of satan is waiting to tell me I'm a bad mom, wife, friend, daughter, homemaker, decorator, crafter, teacher, etc. Don't believe the insults, the criticism, the lies. As another dear friend said to me pertaining to my thought life, if it paralyses you, is negative and prevents you from serving others, it's NOT from God and has no credibility, value or place in your mind. 

There's this unseen battle between working verses SAHMs or homeschool verses public. I learned the mommy rules even before I had children. I made the massive faux paus - in hind sight- of wording an innocent question based on my own personal preference of wanting to stay at home one day. I asked a mom if she was going back to work or if she got to stay home with her. She immediately just walked away. I had no idea what I had done. I was blind sided and it took me months to realize what had happened. I made the mistake of telling someone I thought their baby was pretty because I had seen their pictures on their blog.  Someone else in the circle says so it starts and all of them walked away.  The next day her blog went private. So many secret codes, unspoken rules in the mommy world. It's like walking in a mine field. Are we all that easily offended??? Where is the grace? In my heart I meant absolutely nothing by either comment, but it was clear that circle of ladies had found me unacceptable. 

I'm going to echo several responses I've seen on this issue

I don't think pinterest is ruining anything... It's just a fad. But there are many stay home crafty moms who are made to feel lousy by working moms and vice versa. Some feel unsuccessful because the didn't finish college or they don't have a big career, and the career driven moms can feel guilty that they're not there enough for their kids or that they don't do enough with them. The grass is always greener on the other side and it's very difficult to find balance. Just do what works best for you and your family. As long as your kids know they're loved. Besides, the women that intentionally try to make you feel guilty are the ones who are insecure and secretly jealous of what you are able to do that they can't. 

Eleanor Roosevelt quote might help too--"no one can make you feel inferior without your consent"

Bottom line from my point of view is God made me the mother of my specific children for a reason, and he knows both my strengths and my weaknesses. I'm not one to question the Maker on His decisions. I simply say, thank you. I'm too busy trying to do my best and questioning if I do enough. I'm just trying to stay faithful to the calling and purposes God has given me. I truly don't have the time, nor is it my place to judge what others are or are not doing. I don't need to think poorly of you to feel better about myself, nor am I called to do so. It's not the stuff, the web sites, or other people. It's our hearts, mine and yours. They are sin filled. Nothing fixes that, not staying away from the internet or blaming a website or a group of people. I can cut people out of my life, but the flaw still remains. I can turn off the TV, internet, phone, etc. Technology isn't the problem. My coping mechanisms and temptations will just have a different name. The source is me and my heart. I pray to evaluate why these things triggers feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, fear, anger, etc. and give that over to Christ for His perfect refinement.