Little Men

Tomorrow Daniel will be at 38 weeks in the womb. Everything is going well with him. Heart rate was 136 yesterday at my weekly check up. They are estimating he will be about 6 pounds so we'll see. Dilated to 3 cm. He's an active little guy in there. Of course I'm pretty active these days caring for Matthew too. I packed a baby bag for Daniel, I still haven't packed one for me. We had a minor incident on Monday where I fell down a couple of concrete stairs outside of a store. My pride was hurt the most, then my side from trying to protect my belly. Some general scraps on my hands and knees and I bonked my head a bit. I had a few contractions, but they stopped and I could feel Daniel moving in there since. My center of gravity is of course off and if you've known me for any length of time, you know falling stories are not new for me anyway.

Picture taken at 36 weeks. Yes, me in jammies and no make up, but isn't Daniel so cute? I've gained 20 less pounds this pregnancy.

Matthew will be 19 months old as of Saturday and is figuring out he has a will separate from ours. We are guiding his shouts of no at mommy and daddy. The physical development concerns have nothing on the emotional development ones for boys. He is a very loving kind little guy with lots of energy and enthusiasm. Hes great about asking for help, communicating his likes and dislikes. We adore our little boy and can't wait to see how he grows in to being a big brother. Like most new mommies I had been very milestone conscious, but recently being busy and tired has helped me just let go of worrying or bragging. He's a wonderful little boy and we are enjoying his emerging personality.

"Accept and affirm the unique personality that God has given your child. God did not give your child that personality just to help you grow! He gave it because He has a purpose for that child to fulfill, and He needs your child’s personality strengths.God did not make a mistake in giving you your child his or her personality, so don’t make the mistake of being critical of it. Learn to appreciate God’s handiwork in each of your children.” ~ Seasons of a Mother’s Heart by Sally Clarkson

Hebrews 13:5b says to be content with what you have. Every stage has it's joy and challenges. It's our job as parents to be in the moment and thoroughly be present for our children whether they are 18 days, months or years. I know there's a part of me that will always want my parents support, involvement, approval and love no matter how old I am. Billy and I capture all the greatness on camera and video and pray through the challenges.I pray I am able to remain calm, loving and plugged in to how God would want me to guide Matthew ( and later Daniel) through what ever he's going through to be a Godly man of character. Here's some perspective from a mother with an empty nest ...

"For 25 years I looked forward to uninterrupted nights, a house that stays neat longer than five minutes after I clean it, and a noise level below one decibel. As much as I loved my four children , these were the things I longed for . Now, years later, the very things that were so important are mine in abundance. However, the empty nights seem uninteresting, the house has no reason to be clean as it sits empty all day, and the quiet is agonizingly loud. My foolish dreams of yesterday have come true, and I chastise myself for trading productive moments with my family for grumbling and complaining.

God gives us so much to be thankful for each day, but we choose to look past the blessings. Focusing our thoughts on illusive mirages of happiness, we think we know what will satisfy us best. We disregard God's provision and constant care and trade His blessings for future "if only's." Patiently, He waits for us to discover two important facts: He has already given us everything we need, and He only can satisfy the longings of the soul.

Do you ever long for the "good old days" ? Dear one, please don't waste another moment longing for "if only's." The blessings of today are far greater than any sacrifice you've laid at the Master's feet. "Take delight in the LORD: and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him; and He will do this. He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn" (Psalm 37:4-6a).

I had a conversation about what it means to be a man with a couple from our small group. The world would like to convince us it's about money, power, control, authority, physical strength, alcohol, women, fun "looking out for number 1" and expensive toys. God tells us a completely different story which is much more solid, deep and lasting. He tells us to be a man is to have integrity, honesty, humbleness, self control, to use their strength to serve and protect others, to love. As Titus talks about in chapter 1 in the qualities of an elder who is someone to be respected and modeled after. We find these character traits:

⁶ An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. ⁷ Since an overseer manages God’s household, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. ⁸ Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. ⁹ He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.

The last couple days of one of the devotionals I follow has had this to share on managing anger. I couldn't say it better than this, so I'll just share it here:

The Beatitudes of Anger Management Part 1 Mary Southerland

Today’s Truth
“In your anger, do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26).

Friend to Friend
Everyone has to deal with anger. The challenge is to deal with anger in the right way. Anger is powerful - an emotional warning that something is wrong. We have been hurt or rejected. Something has changed and we don’t like it!

Anger itself is not sin. We just have to learn to express anger in the right way. Mishandled anger is destructive but anger that is handled correctly can become a tool for good. God’s Word is filled with tips for learning to handle anger in a healthy and godly way.

Be still.
Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.”

If we are busy, it is much easier to ignore or refuse to face and deal with the real source of anger. Anger that is not dealt with in the right way accumulates over time, allowing bitterness to take root and rage to simmer just below the surface of everything we do, say, think or feel. In order to manage anger, we need to incorporate frequent and regular “stops” into our schedules; time set aside to simply be still and hear the voice of God.

Be quiet.
James 1:19-20 “Everyone should be slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

Our first response to conflict is often not a response at all … but a reaction. We jump in with a brutal rebuttal or a thoughtless correction – which is like pouring gasoline on a fire. An explosion is bound to happen. Our first action should be to stop and think instead of rushing to respond in a way that could escalate tensions or provoke an offensive response from others. Listen to the other person before responding. Try counting to ten before saying anything. This may not address the anger directly, but it can minimize the damage you will do while angry.

Be wise.
Proverbs 25:28 “Like a city whose walls are broken down, is a man who lacks self-control.”

Wisdom is doing the right thing at the right time for the right reason. Anger management comes from wisdom rooted in self-control. I love the story of Jesus driving the money-changers out of His Father’s temple. In John 2:15, Scripture says Jesus “made a whip out of cords.” Don’t miss this picture. At the height of His anger, Jesus gathered several cords and braided a whip. I imagine it took several minutes at least to form a whip substantial enough to drive grown men anywhere. I think Jesus was so angry that He knew He needed to cool off, so He deliberately chose to be still, quiet and wise. When we are close to losing control of anger, we need to be wise.

Be discerning.
Psalm 4:4 “In your anger do not sin … search your hearts and be silent.”

The longer I work with people the more I realize that there is always a reason for their behavior. Hurt people – hurt people. When you are angry at someone, ask yourself why. Think back to what led up to the conflict. Was it something someone said to you? Has a past problem triggered your present anger? Give yourself time to consider why you are upset and what you should do to handle it in a way that pleases God.

God created us with the capacity for emotions. That means He has a right plan and a right place for emotions in our lives. Anger management is a spiritual discipline that God honors, blesses and empowers. Tomorrow, we will look at four more ways God gives us to control anger.

Let’s Pray
Father, please forgive me when I allow anger to control what I say and do. I want to honor You in the way I manage my emotions – especially the anger in my life. Fill my heart with Your peace. Help me cultivate the spiritual discipline of anger management and learn how to control my emotions instead of allowing them to control me.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Now it’s your turn
Evaluate the level of anger in your life. Would people who know you well describe you as an angry person? Identity the source of your anger; then make the commitment to face and deal with whatever is causing your anger. Review each anger management tip. Which one jumps out at you as a starting point for learning to control anger in your life? Read and memorize the verse of Scripture listed with that tip. Pray – asking God to show you the steps you need to take today to manage the anger in your life. Record your thoughts and the truths God gives you in your journal.

The Beatitudes of Anger Management Part 2 Mary Southerland

Today’s Truth
“In your anger, do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26).

Friend To Friend
A minister was making a wooden trellis to support a climbing vine. As he was pounding away, he noticed a little boy watching him. The youngster didn't say a word so the preacher kept on working, thinking the boy would leave – but he didn’t. Pleased at the thought that his work was being admire, the pastor finally asked, “Trying to pick up some pointers on gardening?” The little boy said, “Nope. I’m just waiting to hear what a preacher says when he hits his thumb with a hammer.”

The people around us want to see what happens when life pushes our buttons and anger puts the squeeze on our emotions. While God created us with the capacity for strong emotions, it is our responsibility to control them instead of allowing them to control us. Yesterday, we looked at four ways to manage anger. Here are four more:

Be focused.
Psalm 37:8 “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.”

I witnessed the utter strength and beauty of our daughter-in-law as she went through hours of labor during the birth of our twin grandchildren. The pain was excruciating, but Jodi worked through each contraction by doing two things: controlling her breathing and choosing a focus point. We need to do the same when we are angry. Take a deep breath and focus on the peace of God.

Be understanding.
James 1:19 “Everyone should be quick to listen.”

We have two ears and one mouth for a reason—to listen twice as much as we speak. When you find yourself getting angry with someone, take time to listen to what the other person has to say. Make sure you understand their viewpoint. In fact, it might be a good idea for you to repeat it back to make sure you do get the real point. Only then, when you have processed that information and reigned in your emotions, should you offer a reply. Listening for the purpose of understanding plays a significant role in anger management.

Be kind.
Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

It had been one of “those” mornings and I was behind schedule in preparing to teach the women’s Tuesday morning Bible study at our church. I am fairly certain I did not exude peace and joy as I rushed around. Finally, it looked like everything was ready – everything except my heart. I knew I needed to spend some time alone with God before standing to teach His Word, so I found a quiet room where I could escape for a few minutes of solitude. As I began to pray, the door flew open and crashed against the wall behind it as the husband of one of our group leaders burst into the room. I could tell by the look on his face that he was not happy and that whatever was wrong was definitely my fault. In a very loud and very angry voice, the man began to explain the problem, ending his tirade with the question, "And just what are you going to do about it?" I knew what I wanted to say to the man. I also knew God didn't want me to say it. In a rare moment of wisdom, I faced my accuser with a smile and whispered, "I'll tell you exactly what I am going to do. I am going to do whatever it takes to make you happy."

I was completely unprepared for the man's reaction. His mouth fell open, his eyes widened in surprise - no, make that shock - and he stumbled backwards as if I had hit him. We stared at each other for what seemed like an hour before he finally whispered back, "Thank you." Without another word, the man turned and literally ran out of the room. The most amazing part of this story is that from that day on, he has been one of my strongest encouragers.

The next time someone makes you angry, put a smile on your face. It is hard to stay upset when you are smiling. Smiling is one of the best anger management tips because you can do it anytime, almost anywhere, and to pretty much anyone. The next time you are angry, choose to give a friendly smile of understanding, appreciation, or patience as you listen to the other side of the story.

Be ready.
1 Peter 5:8 “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.”

The best way to manage anger is to prevent it in the first place. How? Balance your schedule and priorities so that you will not live in a constant state of frustration and exhaustion. Avoid spending time with angry people. Proverbs 22:24 says, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man; do not associate with one easily angered.” We really do become like the people with whom we spend the most time. Pray constantly, asking the Holy Spirit to help you cultivate the habits that encourage peace – not anger. Memorize Scripture. The Word of God is a powerful weapon in dealing with and managing our emotions.

Anger is today’s emotional epidemic. What does it take to make you angry? Do you have a short fuse or a long one? How many relationships in your life have been damaged by your anger? Remember … more important than the way you were and more important than the way you are … is the way you can be. Right now, surrender your anger to God and thank Him for a new beginning.

Let’s Pray
Father, I need Your power and strength to help me control my anger. Forgive me for the damage and pain my anger has caused the people in my life. I want my emotional health to honor and please You.
In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn
Review all of the anger management tips we have explored. How can you plug these tips into your daily life? I encourage you to recruit a girlfriend who will hold you accountable for the way you handle anger. Check in with her once a week. Be honest and open about your anger level. Journal your thoughts … the truths God gives you … the progress you make.

It's a tall order yes, but not bigger than what God is capable of transforming our character and maturity. We are all called to be the best of ourselves and we can't do that with our own weak wills. Only staying connected to God's power through His word, prayer and fellow believers can we hope to connect to the best of what God is growing in each of us. We want others to be the strong ones, to reach out, to do the right just thing, to be supportive, encouraging, helpful, involved. We have to start with ourselves. Mistakes will be made, forgiveness sought and given. Lessons learned, better Godly men (and women) will develop.